Good-Byes and See You Laters

Emotions are a funny thing. Sometimes you just can't control them, even though you are responsible for them and for the actions that follow. It's hard to just make yourself feel sad, mad or glad on a whim. Generally, you don't conjure up a genuine response to something.

I've found that over the wilderness season I've been in over the past 2+ years, I often feel emotions that are out of place in different situations. When I should feel sad, I feel fine. When others are happy, I'm often found crying. It's been uncomfortable, difficult and just plain awkward at times!

Well, the good-byes and see-you-laters are out in full force these days. On the whole, they've been great and not making me sad for the most part. I suppose I should be sad, but I'm feeling mostly fine, peaceful at times with more than a hint of excitement as I look forward to the next 6 months.

Tonight I had my first I-may-have-to-cry moment, saying good-bye to my friend Bonnie. I sure love that girl! We have been good friends since high school, though have known each other much longer. We have gotten closer over the last few years and at this point are closer than ever in my opinion and our husbands enjoy one another! Bonus! I'm going to miss this treasure of a friend! It was nice to celebrate my birthday early too!

Another of my dear friends is Amy. We had our good-bye last week at our usual spot, Cora's, where we celebrate our birthdays each year. It has become our tradition over time! We became best friends in grade 6, meeting a month after I turned 11, and have continued our friendship ever since! Our friendship is almost 17 years old! My time with Amy was my first birthday celebration for 2010!

I'm going to tell you about another of my dear friends but I'm going to save that for another post! We've started our parent-related good-byes and will continue them over the weekend. Then we say our good-byes at Sanctuary on Sunday and some hard ones on Monday and Tuesday. Please pray for peace, grace and comfort for our hearts this week!

He is the best Author!

Well, God always knows how to write the best stories!

So, Friday I posted about our $1500 need for Monday's appointment at the bank. Since that time, through the hands of 10 generous people, we now have $1510.00 and it's only Sunday!!!!!

The last $20 is the funny part =) I shared with a few gals tonight at Sanctuary that we were $10 from our goal. I thought that it would be the delightful humor of the Lord if someone who didn't know came up to us with $10. Well, it didn't quite work out that way but the story is neat! Someone asked at the end of the night where we were in regards to our $1500 goal. I said that we were $10 from it and so that someone wanted to be that final $10!

A little while later, we were telling another person the story of the $1500 and the last $10. Sure enough, that other person had been thinking about giving us what was in their wallet but wasn't sure if they were going to do that or not. What was in the wallet??? $10. So, now we have $1510.00!

I love the way the Lord weaves the tale together! And, God brought in the goal the day before we needed it! He's so kind!

So, with great joy about the way the Lord has worked out the first part of our YWAM fees, we will go to the bank and do a wire transfer tomorrow! I'm excited to go to the bank tomorrow! It's going to be a fun trip =)

Getting Closer!

We are getting closer to our goal for Monday! As I wrote on the last post, we needed $1500 to come in by Monday. Now we only need another $940 for Monday's deadline! Amen! The Lord is good and I love the way He works! I'd be tickled to see $940 come in the next 36 hours! We'll keep you posted! And thank-you to all who were a part of the money that has come in this weekend so far!

Also, we've past a huge milestone! Over $10,000 has come in over the last 6 weeks! Today the money actually given to us already has surpassed into the double digits and I'm blown away by the generosity of our partners!

We are also getting closer to our departure. 10 days away and now as I look at the clock and see that it's late and I should be in bed, it's now 9 days away! Wow! Now we're into the single digits!

I anticipate quite the week ahead of us. I think it's going to fly by like a whirlwind. I think it's going to be a little sad and hard with the good-byes. Please pray for grace for us this week with the good-byes. I think it's also going to be a full week. I hope to not encounter any struggle with stress. Please pray for grace and peace to surround us as we accomplish the little details that still need to get done up until the time we board our plane.

Here's a few pictures of our evening tonight. Our wonderful friend, Christina, put together a good-bye party for us at our favorite park. It was a lovely time and 25 people were there at one point or another throughout the evening. I really enjoyed seeing these loved ones and having some time to connect and talk about life before we're away for a season. Thank-you Christina for putting it together, thank-you to those who came out and thank-you to the Lord for giving us a wonderful evening with great weather!

The Latest on the Finances

We need your help! It's hard to admit that sometimes, but I'm making our need known.

So far, we've had $9597.50 come in from generous partners and we are so thankful! We have been encouraged every time we've been able to increase the red thermometer on the side bar. Thank-you to all our generous partners who are joining with us in what the Lord is doing! We are so grateful!

At times, it's been discouraging to see the goal and know we're so far from it. But, God is good and what He calls us to, He will provide for! Please pray with us that the finances would come in and our hearts would not worry but rest in the Lord, knowing that He knows all our needs.

So far, every large expense (travel insurance, the tuition deposit and our flights to and from Kona) has been covered! The purchases that we have needed to buy (backpacks, sleeping bags, some clothing and toiletries) aren't factored into this. On Monday, we are going to the bank to do a wire transfer to pay the remainder of our lecture phase tuition. To do this we need another $1500 by Monday! Can you help?

After our lecture phase is covered, we will continue to pray that the Lord will bring in the amount of our outreach phase (approximately $10,000 American).

Our need is large and we need your help. We would love to partner with you in doing the activities of the Kingdom. If you haven't partnered with us yet, please pray about doing so. Maybe you'll be the $1500 we need by Monday to complete the first phase of our payments!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...

There are many different emotions that flood through my feelings from day to day and week to week throughout the last 2 months. Excitement, nervousness, fear, sadness, hope, etc. There is the good, the bad and ugly. Today I'm having sad feelings but I'm also overtired and coming off a 12 hour shift and might not be thinking the clearest =)

I'm sad about all that's going to change. I'm sad about all that we will miss.

Tomorrow is my last shift in my position at the hospital. Lately, I've been very excited to be done work for a season because certain places I float to are making me a little crazy with the workload and I don't want to be a miserable nurse. Today was a nice day on the ward I like best and so I feel sad that it's over for now. I've loved my code in the float pool and haven't wanted to give it up. I've been proud to say the hospital that I work for and I've appreciated the knowledge base that I've obtained from working in 4 different areas. Tomorrow marks a pause on that part of my life and though I've been excited, today I'm sad. Lately with all the crazy shifts I haven't had feelings of sadness about leaving. But, if the last 2 shifts end up being nice, it's going to make me sad and sentimental about that place and what I do!

I don't want to have a pity party, but I do want to be honest with the plethora (I like that word and hardly get to use it!) of different emotions that come with all these changes that are happening in my life lately.

So, here's some things that I'm going to miss (in random order):
- my apartment
- peace and quiet
- my privacy
- my bed and sheets
- my shower/bathtub
- my van
- snow
- the smells of fall
- traditions at Christmas
- my family
- my friends
- Girls Day
- the prairies
- being alone with Shane regularly
- quiet time with the Lord in my home
- supper at my table
- doing the dishes with my husband
- singing with my friend Christina at Sanctuary
- the good parts of my job

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today with all the things in my life that are going to be different than they have been. I know it's good and I'm feeling ready but I'm also feeling sad.

Leaning into Jesus...

10 Years Later...

And I love Shane and God more! I win!

10 years ago, on September 8, 2000, Shane and I took the risk and began our "more than friends" relationship. We had known each other as acquaintances over the past 3 years or so and then spent the summer of 2000 after my grad, hanging out together. Well, it is just a fact that after a period of one-on-one hanging out, you get to a point were you either need to cut back, stop or move forward =) So, after a long conversation that was quite humorous in our memories, we decided to jump forward together!

And I'm so glad we did! The last 10 years have been awesome, filled with lots of love, some pain, tons of learning and lots of fun, laughter and tears. We have grown together in the last 10 years a whole bunch and I'm so thankful that I can say I love Shane more than I did when I dated him or first married him and I'm so thankful that I can say I love God more too!

When we were dating we always talked about how we could only date someone who spurred us on closer to Christ and encouraged us to go harder and faster in our pursuit of Him. I'm so glad that that was one of each of our requirements because we have fruit in our lives because of it. Had Jesus not been number 1 to my husband, I wouldn't get to run the same pace that I have over the last 10 years. By running hard together, you really do go faster and further!

I'm thankful for a full decade of relationship with Shane and I'm looking forward to what the next decade will look like! I'm sure it will be totally different in life circumstances than the last, but it's going to be awesome too!

Testimonies of our Partners #1

Over the last number of weeks, the Lord has been bringing partners our way who are sowing generously into the Kingdom of God directly into our upcoming missions training and experience. There are so many stories that are accumulating in our treasure chest of provision testimonies! We want to share some of these testimonies with you from time to time to encourage you and build your faith, as ours is being built up by the way the Lord is moving through people.

At the beginning of the adventure of thinking of doing YWAM, the words of a wise, Christian businessman impacted Shane and I. We stared at the $35,000 need and saw the impossible. This man broke it down for us and gave us great perspective in bite-sized pieces. $35,000 only means 35 people at $1000 or 350 people at $100! That suddenly didn't seem quite so impossible. With man, this is impossible, but with God, NOTHING is impossible!

So, we have been asking the Lord for 35 people to partner with us at $1000, or the equivalent in smaller amounts. As you can see on the sidebar, our thermometer has been moving upward! Praise the Lord!"

Here is one of the stories of one of our partners straight from Shane's blog! Enjoy!

"I want to tell you a story of provision. If you take a look on the right hand side of this blog you will see we have a lot of money we need to come in. A few weeks ago, while having some quiet time with the Lord and praying about the finances I was stressed about, I heard to ask a certain friend for a $1000. In all the years of support raising I have never asked for money outright. I have been very laid back in my approach and realized in the last bit I did a detriment to myself and to others not by not asking (this is another whole story of revelation). The thought of asking was scary, embarrassing and humbling. After a few days of processing I thought I might as well ask and be obedient. What is the worse that can happen? The person says, “no” and we move on.

This friend came over for coffee and a chat. That day I asked my two favorite people in my life to pray for me. I needed some courage and my pride to dissipate. As I was chatting with my friend I could feel my heart pounding in my head and I was beginning to sweat like it was a hot Sunday at Sanctuary. After a few minutes I got up to take a breather and get something to drink. My friend followed me into the kitchen. As that moment I was going to ask, I needed the nerves to go away and the best way is to get this moment over with. Just as I was going to say something, my friend said, “Hey I have something for you.” He proceeded to pull out a substantial amount of cash. I looked as him and said, “How much?!?! No wait!!!” I began to count out the money…$100, $200, $300…$950! I started to laugh the higher I got as I counted. By the end my eyes had a few tears and I was laughing mostly due to the shock and awe of the moment.

Once I completed the counting of the funds I proceeded to tell my friend about the few days leading up to our coffee. I told him that I was going to ask for $1000. This led to him telling me the whole story about how he got this money. See, my friend isn’t rich and is one person that has led a very simple life. That morning while at work he was asking God about giving some money to me. He heard the Lord tell him to empty this specific bank account. He was a little frustrated with the Lord’s answer because the previous week he checked that account and there was just over $400 in that specific account. He wanted to give “extravagant” to what Kristi and I are doing.

After work he proceeded to the back and asked how much was in the account. To his shock and astonishment the teller told him he had $953 in that account. Remember the week before he just had over $400 and hadn’t touched that account. Confused he took out the $950 to give to Kristi and I. On the way to see me he heard the Lord tell him to add another $50 to the $950...equaling the $1000 the Lord was talking about!

This friend of mine left my place that night with faith so big! Why? He loved that I was going to ask, he loved that God provided extra money in his bank account somehow and he loved that he could hear the voice of the Lord. That night we both felt the touch of the Father. That night we felt the good Father taking care of His children. God is good all the time!!!

God is doing great things and using willing people in the process! I love it!

The Latest in the Preparations for Kona

There are lots of little details that come into the picture when you are planning a big jump like the one we're about to spring into! There are so many small things that come into the game plan and the list maker in me sometimes enjoys this =)

Day by day, more things are being struck off our list and completed! My husband has been fabulous about getting stuff done on his end. I have soooooo appreciated the help in the list-crossing-off and have really appreciated that we've both been carrying the weight of the many little responsibilities to prepare for our trip!

Here's some of the details that have been falling into place:

- My brother is coming to live in our apartment for the time we are away! Yippee! This makes things much easier than the idea of finding storage and a sublet in such a short time, never mind dealing with a place to come back to! We are so happy to have a trusted and responsible person living in our home while we're gone.

- My resignation letter went in to my boss last week and all the details around it came together seamlessly. I got the resignation date that I wanted and all the vacation shifts I have left in the 5 shifts leading up to that date. Thankfully, with all the rules with the union surrounding vacation, it was no problem to do those switches!

- I finished all my nights shifts this morning! Good-bye night shifts for an undetermined amount of time! Yippee! Now I only have 3 more day shifts next weekend before I am done work for a season. I am really hoping to be placed on a laboring unit next weekend because I would love to be a part of some beautiful deliveries before I go so I can have great memories of my last few shifts doing the part of nursing that I love!

- We have a place to stay for the first two nights in Kona arranged now! We are flying in 2 days early in order to save a HUGE amount of money on our flights. This meant finding a place to stay, taking a taxi from the airport and figuring out our food needs. Well, there was an easy solution! We are staying at the visitor's center on base and for a very affordable price have a safe and clean place to stay and all the meals are included! Praise the Lord!

- Provision is trickling in every few days. We have excited moments with awesome stories of financial provision and some moments when our faith feels low and we get discouraged. I want to tell you a few of these stories to encourage you and build your faith too in the next few weeks! God has been so good!

There is much to do still and yet, the details are coming together so well that we need not stress or worry! We leave in 25 days and it's hard to believe that September 28th will be here before we know it.

Here are my prayers requests:

- The peace and nearness of the Lord over the next 25 days
- Boldness to communicate our vision and needs to others
- Provision to flow in steadily over the next 25 days and people to catch the vision of partnering with us
- All the little details to come together without any stress
- Sweet quiet time with the Lord despite a busy time of preparation
- Grace and comfort in our relationships with the "see-you-laters" we'll be saying

Thanks for reading and praying!

Some New Things on the Blog

Hello to my valued readers!

There are two new additions to my blog that I want to mention to you!

1. The comments - Previously for spam reasons, you needed an account to add a comment. NOW, any of you can comment! If you don't have any of the accounts listed, just press "anonymous" and you can comment too! I really love the feedback of comments and would love it if you would leave a comment when you drop by! I have no idea who is reading this blog and would love to have an idea by those who say hello!

2. Our Call2All Financial Partnership Target - Now you can see a visual of the funds that are coming in for the missions training and experience ahead of us on the far right side of my blog! We are so thankful for the funds that have come in already from those of you who are partnering with us and believe in us and the vision ahead of us! We need the Lord to use people in the area of provision to make it possible to walk forward in what we have heard Him say to do next.

Our needs are great as you can see and though we are super grateful for what has come in already, WE NEED YOUR HELP! Please pray about partnering with us financially! Any amount will help raise the thermometer towards the goal! We need $30,700 more and would ask that you would consider being one of our $1000 partners! The Lord has already brought 2 and we are so grateful!

If you want to partner with us, email us, call us, text us, talk to us in person, send something by mail or leave a comment here. If you want to use paypal, wander over to Shane's site and click on the donate button.

Thanks for your partnership in the activities of the Kingdom!

YWAM Letter #1

Dear Friends and Family,

As fall approaches and the changing of season comes in the natural, changes are coming for the Farrows too! It’s been an exciting time and has been a whirlwind few weeks for us.

As many of you know, we have been investing our time, energy and resources into being a part of what God has been doing in Winnipeg in the area of prayer & worship for the last 4.5 years, through our involvement with Sanctuary House of Prayer. Now, as an extension of our obedience in following whatever the Lord may lead, there is a new chapter beginning!

Our hearts beat with desire to see the Church across the world found in the place of prayer with the Lord about the things that are on His heart. We also have hearts that beat for missions and reaching the people of the world with salvation, compassion and love through acts of mercy and justice. In the past few years we have focused more on the prayer side of things and now we are excited to have more experience where both missions and prayer converge!

As of September 28, 2010, we are setting sail for a new adventure that will further train us in the way prayer and missions join together. We are doing a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) discipleship training school (DTS) from September 30, 2010 to March 11, 2011. We are joining a specific DTS called Call2All that focuses on prayer, missions and evangelism (www.call2all.org). Our DTS starts in Kona, Hawaii for the first 12 weeks and includes listening to many lectures, doing work duties, receiving all that we can from the Lord in training and teaching and whatever else that could be planned for us. During the DTS outreach phase, we will be putting into practice all we have learned, taking the Gospel to places where people may have never heard the name of Jesus and participating in expanding God’s Kingdom. This portion of the DTS is 2-3 months long and will take place in a variety of overseas locations. Outreach activities will include evangelism, mercy ministries, teaching, preaching, intercessory prayer, Church planting, and reaching out to present Jesus in a variety of other creative ways, At this point we don’t know where we will be located, but we’re excited about the possibilities (South Africa, the Philippines or Brazil)! We have both had missions experience before but have never gone out together! Now is the time!

We are very excited to see all that the Lord will do over the 6-month period we will be away. The last Call2All DTS team shared the gospel with over 2,144 people, prayed for over 480 people to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, prayed with over 435 people who recommitted their lives to the Lord, and they saw 7 people miraculously healed from pain and chronic illness as they were prayed over. We are excited to see what Jesus will do through our team!

We spent our 6th anniversary in June in Kansas City asking the Lord for direction for the next season of our lives. We strongly desire to commit this year of our marriage, our seventh, to the Lord in a focused way. We long to use our lives in any way, shape or form that He would ask. What better than an adventure, full of faith and risk, to be trained in an intentional way, apart from the rigors of day to day responsibilities. We are excited with what the Lord will do in and through us in this intense season of training!

Back in 2000, prior to starting our relationship, Shane was planning on going to Hawaii and doing a YWAM DTS. Well, we started our relationship and God had other plans for that season of our lives. It’s funny that exactly 10 years later, when we’d least expect it, He brought the idea around full circle but now involving both of us! We hadn’t thought about doing a YWAM DTS as a couple and we only started praying about it on June 1st. It’s amazing how quickly the Lord can move sometimes and it’s only 2 and a half months later and we are planning to go in 5 and a half weeks!

Many of you have walked with us, prayed with us, supported us and encouraged us over the years and we are looking forward to continuing our friendships as our lives take this turn in the journey. Thank-you for all your support and friendship!

The steps of obedience often have a risk element involved and doing this DTS has a lot of cost and sacrifice involved. Kristi has to quit her job at the hospital and Shane will be taking a sabbatical from Sanctuary for the next 6 months. We have had many decisions to make about our apartment and possessions and the cost financially is big one! But, the Lord has miraculously provided over the last 4.5 years time and time again and so we know that what He calls us to, He will provide for!

Please partner with us in prayer and please continue to support us with your friendship and encouragement. We need it! Prayer is THE most important thing you could give us. We need a covering of prayer from many friends and family through this process.

Prayer Requests:
- All the little details that need to come together
- A stress-free 5 weeks of preparing and planning
- Finances
- Grace and comfort for our friends, family and community
- Protection and peace with traveling
- That God would prepare our hearts for all He wants to do

We also have tangible needs in the area of resources, things needed for our trip and finances. Please pray about supporting us financially on this endeavor. The Lord rewards those who partner with His Kingdom in every area, including the important step of finances. It’s through generous people like you in partnership with those going out that the Kingdom is accomplished on earth! Neither role is superior but instead we need both roles to accomplish His work on the earth. We are keenly aware of how important you are in this process. When people are saved, healed and set free with the ministry of the people you support, you are a big part of making that possible!

Here are our financial needs at this time. Note that we are not able to provide tax receipts for our DTS. We anticipate at this time a general cost of $35,000. We had just announced our news and within a day we already had over $1000 come in from one person! So, that brought us down to $34,000 left! This looks impossible with man but with God nothing is impossible! $35,000 could be provided by one person donating $35,000, 35 people donating $1000 or 350 people donating $100 to put it in perspective! In the last 3 weeks, we have had the equivalent of 3 people at $1000 come forward generously so we are encouraged that God will do great things in the area of finances! The stories of provision are incredible already!

If you would like to support us financially please email us if you have our email addresses or leave a comment. We will be sure to contact you.

Thank-you again in advance for your support, friendship and generosity. We love you and look forward to partnering with you as God accomplishes great things on the earth in this time to further His Kingdom across the globe.

Shane and Kristi Farrow
Intercessory Missionaries and now YWAM students

Happy 30th Birthday, my love!

Today is my husband's 30th birthday! He's not a big party guy and so there isn't a huge celebration that some, like myself, would enjoy. Instead, I booked the day off work and we're spending the day together.

September 8, 2010 marks 10 years that Shane and I have been together whether dating, engaged or married. I am so blessed! So, this birthday means a to me. It's actually the 11th time we've celebrated his birthday together.

Let me take you back down my memory lane to August 19th, 2000. Not even 2 months earlier, I had graduated from high school and moved to the big city to work. Shane and I knew each other as acquaintances from the past and when we found out in July that we had both moved to the city, we started hanging out. There was a few of us who would get together but after a while, the others couldn't always make it and that left the two of us to get to know each other.

By Shane's birthday in August, I was still very convinced that my feelings for him were strictly friendship only. So, I suppose I deemed it safe to plan a birthday celebration for my friend. I put together a picnic in the park, mini-golfing, dessert at The St.Boniface Cathedral and a visit to a friend who was working at Boston Pizza for just the two of us. That sounds pretty romantic to me now but at the time, it was just fun with my friend, or so I told myself =) Come to think of it, we haven't gone back to that park or the Cathedral, so I think it's funny that I picked those places!

We had a wonderful time together that day and though I may have been in denial, the friend we went to visit definitely started thinking things after seeing us sitting together and chatting in one of the booths at the restaurant she was working at that evening.

If we hadn't started with a friendship, there is NO WAY I would have planned that day. That would have been way too bold for me, except that I felt safe planning a day for my friend, not my potential boyfriend.

Within the month, we would be staring denial in the face. Shane was hoping and planning to go to Hawaii to do a YWAM DTS in the fall of 2000. He didn't want to get into a relationship before then....which ultimately came down to him telling me that he didn't want to start a more-than-friendship relationship with me because he was going away. Suddenly, I had to stare my feelings in the face, but still didn't quite face it. I just thought that my devastated response, that accompanied sadness and tears, had to do with the fact that I would miss his family if I couldn't hang around the way I had been =) Hee! Hee!

Well, the rest is history! I won the heart of my Shane and we started our official more-than-friends relationship September 8th, 2000. YWAM didn't enter the picture again...until now, 10 years later. But now we're going together so it's even better!

I have been the blessed gal who gets to celebrate Shane's birthday with him each and every year over the past 11 birthdays! I love him more every year and so I'm excited about learning to love him more with the ones to come!

Happy 30th Birthday to my husband! Great things are in store this year!

Wow...it's shocking!

11 weeks ago tonight, Shane and I went for a walk in the park. The Call2All DTS entered the conversation for the first time that night and we started to look into it. It just kinda came out of Shane's mouth, though we had never thought of it before.

11 weeks later, our flights are books and we are making the many preparations for the trip to Kona. Shane booked our flights this evening and the Lord provided a way to save some funds. By flying in 2 days early, we save $1300!!!! Can you believe that? So, we get 2 days to spend together in Hawaii before the intensity begins!

We're feeling pretty sober about it tonight. It's kinda surreal that the flights are booked. Perhaps I'm be more excited tomorrow. Tonight I'm feeling a little sad...

In 6 weeks from tonight, we'll be landing in Kona, Hawaii, embarking on a completely foreign season of our lives that we've never experienced before. It's crazy to think it's only 6 weeks away! Tomorrow begins the 5+ week mark! Ahhhhhh!!!!!

I think I'm in a little bit of shock! Have Your way in every way Lord!

The Light Has Shone On The Path Ahead

As I looked back on the last few months of my blogs, I saw a theme of asking the Lord for direction and desiring Him to speak what was coming next. I saw a longing for adventure with my husband and the Lord arise in my spirit after coming home from Haiti in March.

Well, the light has shone on the path ahead and we know the next step in front of us now!

It's been a time of seeking and asking and we have an answer, guidance and a plan for the next season of our lives!

On September 28th, only 6 short weeks away, Shane and I are jumping off a cliff from what we've known and into a season filled with risk and adventure! We are flying to Kona, Hawaii to be a part of the Call2All Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). We will be spending 12 weeks in training during the lecture phase of our DTS which will be filled with learning, studying and preparing for our outreach with our team. Then we're off to our field assignment for 2-3 months of missions work and "doing the stuff" of the Kingdom of God! We may be going to South Africa, the Philippines or Brazil!

I am so excited for what the Lord has in store for us! I am so thankful that we have been listening and have heard His still, small whisper of direction at this time in our lives.

This jump is exciting and scary all in one. We have stared at the hard stuff and the sacrifice over the last 2 weeks since we found out we are going and allowed ourselves to feel sadness over what we will miss back at home. The cost in the natural is a big one. When I say cost, I mean it in every area. The sacrifice involves relationships, jobs, finances, comfort, future plans, perceived security, physical possessions, etc.

Some people may think that our time away will be a walk in the park because of the location we're headed to for our training. I am thankful for the place that the Lord is calling us to, but I would not pick a place based on the natural. I want to be led by the Spirit and I want to follow where the Holy Spirit leads, wherever that may be. Regardless if we're called to Hawaii ,the Arctic or Timbuktu, there is both sacrifice and excitement, trials and joys to be had. I don't care where we go as long as the Lord is with us and guiding us.

I am going to try and use this blog to stay connected with friends and family while we're preparing for this jump and while we're away over the 6 months with YWAM. I was talking with a friend today who suggested I blog weekly. I think that's a great idea! I would like to keep our loved ones informed on what the Lord is doing in and through us. I'll start with aiming at once a week and we'll see what happens once we're out in Kona. Also, check out Shane's blog at www.quietlyseeking.com!

So many of you love us and support us and we are so grateful for you. The things that happen with us and through us are a part of your story too! Please pray for us as we embark on a new season of life. Please pray about partnering with us financially in this area of the Kingdom. We can't accomplish the work of the Kingdom without one another and we'd love to partner with you!

I'll post our YWAM letter in the next few days for you to read and please contact us if you would like to receive our updates and aren't on our list yet.

Please pray for us in the next few weeks as we prepare to go to YWAM. This week's prayer requests are:
- that the details with our apartment would come together
- that the finances would continue to flow in
- that the prices for our flights would continue to decrease (down $100 today!)
- that the Lord would continue to surround us with peace as we walk forward
- that the Lord would comfort our hearts on the days we miss Steph (my sister is in New Zealand for 6-10 months)
- that the Lord would give us vision and eternal perspective each day and especially on the days when the sacrifice is felt more than usual
- that the Lord would give us joy and excitement for the adventure ahead!

Blessings to each of you!

A Reflection of Jesus to Me

I am honored to be married to a tender and loving man who over the last 10 years has been a reflection of Jesus to me. I have learned a lot about the kindness of the Lord through my husband and I sometimes think to myself, "If this is how Shane feels, how much more does my eternal Bridegroom, Jesus, feel about me?".

We spent our anniversary in Kansas City this year. We spent 12 days together and we loved it. If I would get my wish, Shane and I would do just about everything together. We would partner together in accomplishing the activities of the Kingdom side by side day after day. That is my heart's desire in walking life out this side of eternity.

After returning from our time together, it was time to go back to work and in my first few shifts back, I got a sweet email from my husband. It was another one of those moments when my husband's words or actions made me have one of those moments of pondering about what Jesus must feel. His words that touched me were "I think us being together for so long has created a greater longing to be with you all the time.".

This email touched my heart from my husband, but it was more than that. It touched my heart from Jesus. Jesus speaking love to my heart through the reflection He's gifted me with this side of face-to-face relationship with God.

In John 17:24 Jesus says, "Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory...".

It is Jesus' desire to be with me. He wants me with Him all the time. He never tires of me, never wants a break from me and never leaves me. He is always with me and promised me that, but more than that, He wants me with Him!

If my Shane longs for me to be with him, how much more does Jesus long for me to be with Him?

I'm thankful for my own personal reflection of Jesus and I'm longing for the Day that I get to see Jesus face to face.

Don't try to move the Hand when you can't see the big picture

Shane and I are constantly asking the Lord to direct us and sovereignly lead us in our lives and callings. We regularly find ourselves seeking Him in a focused way in the area of direction.

Constantly reevaluating make sense to me with the kind of life we are living. It feels risky, but it is also exciting. There are so many dreams that we have and stages of life that are nearing and sometimes I'm totally at a loss to know how they all fit together. House, children, full-time intercessory missionaries.....and how does that fit together financially?

Sometimes I feel like we live on a yo-yo. On one extreme, the Lord breathes life and vision into us and we know we are doing what we are called to do, despite how absurd it looks to the general public. When He gives us the big picture, the sacrifice isn't so big and the future isn't so overwhelming.

On the other extreme, it is hard to see how in the world the callings and dreams we have will work with natural circumstances. Those are my low moments of faith when it's hard to keep the vision and easy to think about living "normally". On these days, normal jobs with normal salaries, a house and a family sound awesome.

But, I don't want to live for a number of things that won't satisfy and in the end, ultimately aren't my true reward. I don't want to live for a house that at any moment could be taken away. As trouble increases, many of the Church will lead lives that include fleeing and persecution. That doesn't sound like sitting in a beautiful, cozy house to me. So, why would I live for walls and a roof that I want to own when it truly won't satisfy?

Then there is the desire for comfort and security. If I am living and aligning the things in my life so that it fills the desire in me for comfort and security, but they are found in things other than God, I'm mistaken. If a "normal" job or "normal" salary are my desire so that I'm comfortable, I've place my hope in something other than the Lord. My comfort and security should rest in Him alone, despite any hardship or challenge that I come across in life.

The Lord has been speaking to me in this area with a picture of a puzzle. He sees how the whole puzzle of my life fits together. He knows the right sequence to putting the right pieces together to create the masterpiece. Then I come along and though I can only see one or two pieces, I try to control the hand of the One putting the puzzle together. That is ridiculous! He alone sees the whole puzzle in it's completion. I can see a tiny bit of the pieces, and yet I try to move His hand?

Or like a game of chess or checkers. If you can't see all the pieces and don't see the whole board, trying to move the one piece I can see is like a huge guess in the big picture.

I feel like I'm in a place of surrender these days. I am aware of my fears that would hold back. I'm also aware of my desire to control the steps of the journey. I feel that lately the Lord has been so good to consistently call me back to the place of surrender.

I do not want to try to move His hand when I can't see the full picture.

Lord, have Your way and direct us sovereignly every step of the way. I lean into You and choose to trust Your perfect leadership.

Book Review - Plan B by Pete Wilson

What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought He would?

I've had the pleasure of reviewing this new book, Plan B, which is available in stores May 4. I had to read it with a time crunch, but it was worth it! I found it an easy read, very applicable and easy to identify with.

We all have things in our lives that don't go the way we had hoped or planned. Disappointments, unmet expectations, circumstances, illnesses, loss and pain. Pete discusses the human experience of pain that none is exempt from. Each one of us has pain and I think each person could identify with the ideas discussed in this book.

Pete writes in a honest and clear way. He draws from his own personal experience and incorporates many life stories from those he knows which makes this book very interesting, yet involves the reader emotionally. I enjoyed the way he references the struggles that some of the people in the Bible faced.

The critique I would make is that Pete seems to be trying to be more culturally relevant that I think is necessary. He didn't have to put in certain parts just to draw an audience. I would assume that some of my convictions are a little different than his by some of his writing.

This book has been beneficial in my walk with the Lord over the last week. It has made me examine areas in my heart that need to be looked at a little closer. God is so faithful to do that, and He also used this book as part of the process!

(Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”)

I'm awake Lord....are You up to something at 3:30am?

I am generally a good sleeper. I have great nights of 8-10 hours of sleep that my body loves. Lately, I've been on nights and NOT sleeping well during the day, but as soon as I'm back sleeping in the nighttime, I'm good.

I finished nights on Friday morning and have slept well since.

But today I find myself very awake. I tossed and turned for 3 hours, sleeping and dreaming. By 3 or 3:30am, I decided to get up and see if I could restart my night with a trip to the bathroom, a glass of water and stretching out the kinks in my back from all the tossing and turning.

It's 4:30am and I haven't returned to bed. I'm hoping my husband is sleeping without difficulty because whenever I wake up in the night, he almost always comes to check on me. Sure enough, tonight is no different. He's such a sweetheart =) I know he cares so much.

I've been praying and listening, waiting to hear what the Lord might have for me at this time of night. I have my uncle and my extended family on my heart. He's super sick in the ICU and I'm praying over that situation. Being awakened in the middle of the night, makes me wonder what is going on in that hospital room at this hour.

I also checked out a website that my sister sent me to look at (www.drawnfromwater.org). She's been updating me on this ministry called Drawn from Water for a while now and I love hearing her stories. Well, here I am, tearing up watching their video and longing to give and go from a world away at 4:30 in the morning.

Since returning from Haiti, my heart is so stirred to go on adventures with the Lord. I don't want the cares and concerns of this world, or fear or worry to prevent me from doing all the things the Lord has invited me to do alongside Him! My heart is drawn somewhere but I don't even know where.

Since I can remember, I have always had a longing to go to Africa. I've yet to be there. Haiti is the closest I've gotten. I hope one day to make it to Africa.

Tonight, and after watching and reading about the beautiful Mingi children, I so desperately want to go. I'm feeling the increased longing tonight. I want to go on an adventure with my husband and go love on some beautiful African children. The L & D nurse in me wants to catch some African babies. I want to have my heart melt over the things that melt Jesus' heart.

Oh Lord, lead us and guide us according to Your Will. Break in over the Mingi children of Africa. Spare their lives, rescue them and show them Your love through mamas and papas who love you.

Haiti Mission Trip - Update 3

To my friends and family,

I am home safe and sound in Winnipeg after an incredible experience in Haiti. I arrived home on Thursday, March 18th after 11 days away. I am so thankful to be home and so thankful to be with my wonderful husband again, who was so supportive throughout this whole process. Hopefully, we get to go on our next missions trip together!

Sadly, I brought home a bug from Haiti and have been ill over the last 6 days. I’m hoping whatever is bothering me leaves quickly! I have been to see the doctor and we’re working on finding out the cause of my symptoms. I am not alone in my troubles, as 11 out of 12 team members came down with something while in Haiti. Please pray for my complete healing and for healing for the rest of my team!

I am so thankful for all of you who gave, borrowed, blessed and prayed. I want to give a very special thanks to all the generous people who gave financially to my trip. Through you, God made this trip possible when in the natural I didn’t know how it would work. Your generous hearts and hands made it possible for me to go to Haiti and you gave more than I had hoped! Thank-you so much! More donations came in than I ended up needing, even after all the extra expenses, and I was able to contribute to the Food Program!

We spent 3 days with a village near Leo Gane, 45 minutes out of Port-au-Prince. The Lord specifically directed us step by step and we ended up finding this village of about 350 families who had not yet received medical care or supplies after the earthquake. Unlike many groups who have had tents and tarps supplied to them, this village had sticks and sheets.

Over those 3 days, we saw 150-200 patients. Nobody was ready to have a baby at this village over the time I was in Haiti, but I got to give a gift to 3 different pregnant ladies by letting them hear their babies’ heart rates! That was so special for me! We saw many children and adults with the majority of complaints dealing with skin infections/wounds, gastrointestinal issues and symptoms of dehydration.

The patients would be seen by the medical team and then had the opportunity to get prayer/counsel with the pastors and the children could participate in play therapy. In 2 days, we had 37 salvations! Praise Jesus!

On our last day with this village, we shared some of our Food Program supplies and fed 116 families with enough dry beans and rice to last a number of days depending on the size of family! The next day, we fed 325 families in Port-au-Prince and over the next few days, gave beans and rice to two different orphanages. All these supplies were bought with donations given by our 12 team members, meaning that your donations went directly to feed these beautiful people in Haiti! Give yourselves a pat on the back!
A highlight for me was the day we spent at an orphanage. I loved the baby tent, which was made in Canada! I spent a long time assessing, holding, loving, feeding and praying over these beautiful Haitian babies! 14 babies for 2 nannies and 1 nurse! They melted my heart and made me cry…multiple times. I also loved playing with the children and singing songs with them. I tended to their scars, scrapes and sores with band aids and ointment. Everyone that wanted a band aid, received some care, whether they needed it or not!

We had many challenges as a team on this trip. 3 of our girls needed medical attention at a military hospital and many of us were touched by the heat, dehydration and some kind of GI bug. We had many challenges as a team to overcome, and we did so together and with a growing heart of thanksgiving. We bonded quickly, learned to love and listen and banded together in prayer.

What an awesome experience! God did many things in my heart. You know, you think you are going to help others and often it’s your own heart that gets worked on and impacted. That’s the way the Lord often works!

Thank-you for all your support and thank-you on behalf of all the beautiful people of Haiti whose lives were touched by you!

Book Review: The Language of Love and Respect; Cracking the Communication Code With Your Mate by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

The Love and Respect concepts discussed by Dr. Eggerichs in this book are great truths for any marriage or relationship!

My husband and I had the pleasure of watching the Love and Respect DVDs before I read this book. Personally, I preferred the DVDs as we could do it together, at the same time, and have immediate discussions afterward. Because I already knew a lot of the information, this book was quite repetitive.

But, if readers don't have the chance to see the DVDs, I would totally recommend the book!

The truths discussed are so helpful for any relationship between males and females, especially marriages. I think it acknowledges and gives understanding to the different ways men and women think, feel and act. This book is filled with practical suggestions, clear explanations of concepts and good reminders.

One of my favorite parts is the Rewarded Cycle. "The Rewarded Cycle is not primarily about you and your marriage; it is about you and Jesus Christ" (p.230). How true and what a great refocusing on the things that have ultimate eternal value.

My marriage has personally benefited from the concepts found in Love and Respect and I would suggest that every married couple find the book or the DVDs and learn these concepts together!

Leaving on a jet plane....

In 10 short hours my flight leaves to begin the journey to Haiti! I am looking forward to this ministry/medical trip to Haiti and I am excited about what the Lord is going to do and all that He will do in my heart!

There has been a number of emotions that I have felt in the last number of weeks as this trip has come together. I have felt some fear and some anxiety and battled against those demons. I have felt some sadness at the thought of leaving my husband for the longest time apart in our marriage. I have also battled through spiritual attack, alongside probably many of my team members.

But thankfully, and increasingly in the last 2 days, I have felt peace and growing excitement! I think people are praying because I'm feeling peace in a stronger way than usual and I really like it =) Especially today, the excitement in my heart is growing!

A huge thank-you to each one of you who gave financially to my trip! The Lord provided ALL my funds through people like you and He provided more than I needed, even with all the added expenses that arose! He is so good! Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you! I couldn't go without your generosity!

So, I ask that you would hold me up in prayer over the next 11 days. I need your prayers as my team and I are out there doing the stuff of the Kingdom!

Blessings until I return!

Recent Haiti Trip Changes

A few more changes as of this evening. Now we are flying from Miami directly to Haiti, which brings us to Haiti a day earlier. It is nice to arrive earlier, travel less and not take a long bus ride. I'm sure it's good in the area of traffic, travel and safety.

This recent change means I need an additional $200 American for my flight.

Yesterday morning had some added expenses as well. After some drama with the specific airline I'm flying to Miami from Winnipeg with, the ticket price raised a couple hundred dollars within a few days. Also, I found out that I will need some finances for a hotel in Miami from the 8th to the 9th, because I can't get to Miami in time for my Haiti flight if I leave on the 9th. I've been in contact with a team member about sharing a room that night, because some of the others are having the same flight issues and need to fly in a day early as well.

So, though we were getting close to the amount needed, there are additional expenses coming up that require more than we thought. If you were hoping to give but then thought it wouldn't be needed after all, please still consider giving to my trip!

Also, to add some just for fun info, I let my husband give me an intramuscular injection this evening! I needed my typhoid shot updated, since my last one was in 2003 for my medical mission trip to El Salvador. I think I'm quite the trooper for teaching him and talking him through the steps, which watching the needle hanging out of my arm for a bit of time! But, the smile and proud look on my husband's face was worth being a little nervous =)

Haiti Mission Trip - Update 2

To my friends and family,

My trip to Haiti is now less than 2 weeks away and I’m growing in excitement! There is much packing and organizing to do in the next 2 weeks but I’m certain it will all come together at the right time. All the details will fall into place and I’m sure this experience will be a life changing one.

A few details for the trip have changed since I sent out my first email. I will be flying out of Winnipeg early on March 8th and returning late on the 18th. My team was originally going to fly out of Miami together and directly into Port-Au-Prince. Haiti is still pretty unpredictable and it is predicted that aftershocks will likely take place for the next months or years, which could affect commercial airlines in getting to Port-au-Prince. We want to make sure we get there, which meant taking a different route. We will be flying into the Dominican Republic as a team from Miami and then driving the 5 hours to Port-au-Prince by bus.

My team will not be staying at the school base anymore, but on the other side of the city. The school we were going to be staying at already had medical supplies for us to use. Now that we are across the city, we need to gather our own medical supplies before our trip. My workplace is collecting opened but clean, unused items that we aren’t able to use in our facility. I also got my hands on a doptone to borrow for the trip and am so excited to be able to listen to fetal heart rates in Haiti! What a gift to the pregnant mothers in a ravished country to be able to hear the sweetness of their unborn baby’s heart beat! I think it will be a special gift that I can give them!

We will be doing medical and pastoral care in tent cities, in orphanages and possibly in hospitals. We will spend one day at an orphanage 3 hours outside the city and another day at some orphanages within Port-Au-Prince. We hope to feed 10,000 or more people with our Food Program on one of the days, as well as the 1000 children we will be visiting at the orphanages. If there are enough resources, we hope to make that number 20,000 people in Haiti that won’t be hungry that day!

I’m looking forward to meeting my team members and had the pleasure of meeting one of my team leaders and the director of One Heart Ministries International: Haiti while in Kansas City last week. A meeting in person was a nicer way to dialogue than a phone interview, since we had the opportunity! It sounds like the team is made up of nurses, a doctor, a paramedic, pastors and counselors. I think it will be a good group of people to work with in Haiti!

Provision has been coming in and blessing me incredibly! Within the first week, we had an incredible response and we are so grateful! Thank-you to every one of you who has given so generously for my trip to Haiti! The people of Haiti will be blessed by your contribution!

We are getting close to our expenses being covered! A few expenses were added in the process and so our amount needed is a little larger than I thought. But we’re getting close! Anything that comes in over and above our expenses, I will give directly to the Food Program. Our team needs to raise $5,000-10,000 to reach our goal to feed 20,000 people. 100% of the funds will be used for the food program. The money for the Food Program has to be in by March 1, next Monday. I will be sending a cheque on that day so let me know before then if you want to give to the Food Program.

My greatest request is for prayer support as the trip nears and throughout my time away. Pray for safety and protection, everything to run smoothly with flights and travel, grace and strength for the packing, traveling, serving and giving of myself. Pray that my team bonds and works well together. Pray for miracles and the nearness of God. Pray for physical healing, emotional healing and deliverance for the people of Haiti.

Thank-you so much for your prayers and support! I couldn’t go without all your prayers and finances!

Haiti Update

To my family and friends,

By now, many of us have heard and been moved in compassion by the news of Haiti’s 7.0 M earthquake that took place on January 12, 2010. An estimated 3 million people have been affected by this natural disaster, leaving many dead, wounded, homeless and lacking the very basics of necessities.

The need in Haiti has become urgent, as you well know. Many of the primary relief agencies are pulling out of Haiti due to their temporary nature. With many of the relief workers from around the world returning home, and medical professionals estimating that 50-60% of the people treated will die in the next few months and many more left deformed, Haiti is in need of long term help.

With great excitement, trembling and many different emotions in my heart, I write to tell you that I have the opportunity and pleasure of going to Haiti in March!

I will be going to Port-Au-Prince with One Heart Ministries (www.ohmhaiti.org) based out of Kansas City, leaving on March 8th or 9th and returning on March 18th. My team will be staying at the Quisqueya Christian School, which is also a base for US military personnel providing relief to Haiti. The mission work we will be doing off the base and in Port-Au-Prince, includes providing medical care through clinics in the tent cities, providing food, water, clothing and personal necessities, rebuilding homes, carrying for the orphans and elderly, offering individual group counseling and therapy, doing outreach, preaching the gospel and ministering in prayer.

It is my desire to take what the Lord has given me in my skills as a nurse and go and serve the people of Haiti in this way. In the first few weeks after the earthquake, whenever I saw the images of the people of Haiti on the news, my heart would long to go and help, yet it felt so impossible.

God has made a way, pointed me to the right people to go with and given me peace about taking the plunge!

A friend of mine who was in Haiti last week with One Heart Ministries reported seeing and treating 1800 patients in one week. She said they are working 12 hour days, hoping for two 15 minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch, but not guaranteed. This is exhausting, but rewarding work.

Shane and I are praying that God would move peoples’ hearts to partner with us financially and in prayer. We need $3000.00 for the trip, the flights and to pay the bills back home as I will be taking a 2 week unpaid LOA from work. This does not factor in the things I need to purchase to bring along, the prescriptions or any vaccinations I need updated. We are not able to issue tax receipts for any donations. My workplace has been fabulous about giving me the time off. That is a huge mountain that could have been difficult to cross, but it wasn’t! Praise God!

I am also asking for your prayers. Prayers during the next few weeks as things come together with flights, plans, finances and packing. Prayers during the time that I will be away for protection, safety, health, strength, the nearness of God and the guiding of the Holy Spirit throughout out trip. Pray that my team bonds well and serves the people of Haiti well. Pray that healing flows from our hands and knowledge abounds, even with medical issues we are unfamiliar with.

In the first few days after my trip was confirmed, I was thinking about the verse in Isaiah, “If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.” (Isaiah 58:10). Spending ourselves on behalf of the hungry and oppressed means we give something that requires a cost. We actually spend something. The cost may be energy, sleep, strength, finances, comforts, time, or emotions. Whether you get the chance to go to Haiti, like I have right now, or not, we all have opportunities here or there to spend ourselves on their behalf.

I’m asking for you to give generously to my trip to Haiti and join me in spending ourselves on behalf of the hungry, oppressed and wounded of Haiti. If you are wanting to give, contact me directly by email, facebook, phone, in person or leave a comment. Thank-you and bless you!

Haiti!

In less than 5 weeks, I will be on the ground in Haiti serving alongside One Heart Ministries to the people of Haiti that have been effected by January 12th's massive earthquake.

I am calling on anyone who's heart wants to help the people of Haiti in this time in history by generously helping me get to Haiti to provide medical help and many other things to this nation. I need major prayer and generous financial donations to make this possible.

The first chunk of trip money is due in 1 week today!

More details coming...

Throne room Revelations

In my writings and records of what the Lord speaks to me, I have started something new in the past week and a bit. They are called "Throne room Revelations".

I had a significant encounter with the Lord about 9 days ago where He really spoke to me and interacted with me as I pictured myself in the throne room before Him. It started with reading Power of the Blood by Bob Sorge. As I was finishing the last chapter of the book, Bob encourages readers to take the time right then to get "sprinkled with the Blood", picturing ourselves in the throne room (out of Hebrews 12:22-24). I didn't really want to take the time, but ended up doing so. And good thing I did!

The Lord encountered me and since then I have repeatedly gone back to the throne room where I talk to the Father and/or Jesus. Oh my, it's awesome! He speaks to me, He allows me to rest, He listens to me, and He is revealing the heart of the Father to me through my time spent with Him there. There is such life in this place for me lately and He's continued to speak to me regularly in this place. I thank Him for this tangible gift in my heart and life right now!

So, I want to share these steps from Power of the Blood with you all.

1. Visualize the throne room
2. Ask to be sprinkled
3. Draw near with confidence
4. Nestle between Father and Son
5. Receive the Holy Spirit's Fire

If this tugs on something in your heart, I would strongly recommend you get your hands on this book. It's an enjoyable and easy read, only 148 pages and it is filled with the truth of the Word. So often, I forget about the gift of Jesus' blood, thinking that it is just the doorway into everything else I get as a Christian. That is so incorrect! The Blood and the sacrifice Jesus gave for our eternal life is crucial, constantly necessary and always on the Father's heart. It is all about love!

The North and South Winds - Song of Solomon 4:16

"Awake, O north winds and come, O south! Blow upon my garden that its spices may flow out" Song of Solomon 4:16

I have not yet come to the place in my Christian walk where I've had the maturity to pray "Awake O north winds". I do not desire the seasons of trial and testing. If it were up to my emotions, I'd live in the land of the forever south winds.

I've been amazed from time to time when I hear people that are able to pray this prayer. My thoughts are that they must be right in the midst of south wind comfort, they may be crazy or they may have no idea what they are actually praying! I greatly respect and admire those who are able to ask for whatever season would cause more growth in their hearts and I have come to reason that they must have a greater measure of spiritual maturity than me.

Lately, I've been thinking about these north winds more and more. As I look around, the outward appearances of many around me would lead me to think they are sitting under the apple tree, soaking in God's love and delight, in the middle of the south winds.

I, myself, feel like I'm living in an igloo in the middle of nowhere with no life in sight and the winds are blowing at blizzard speed.

Singing the words, "Awake, awake o north wind. Awake, awake o south winds and blow over me" from Misty's song Fling Wide at the mic on stage at Sanctuary the other week was so painful. As I looked around the room, the appearances of people on the outside would lead me to assume they were loving the south winds, while I am standing there enduring the winds of the north. All I could do was bawl, recognize a small amount of humor in the irony of it all and try not to let the wind blow me over.

It is actually much easier to pray for the north winds when you feel like you are in them. When times are easier, I dread the idea of testing and trials. When I'm in the midst of them, though it's painful, I'm already there.

I've been thinking about three things in the last few weeks through my travels in the north.

1. If I draw near, I win.
God promised to draw near to me as I draw near to Him (James 4:8). So, I pray for the grace to draw near.

2. If I lean, I win.
I want to be found leaning, just like the Shulamite is found at the end of the Song of Solomon. She goes through the journey of love, experiencing the north and south winds, the trials, the nearness and apparent absence of the Lord, yet by chapter 8, she is found leaning on her Beloved as she comes out of the wilderness (Song of Solomon 8:5). I want to be found leaning. So, I pray for the grace to lean, even when it feels like I'm going to lose my balance.

3. If I don't quit, I win.
If I keep praying, I win. If I face the tough questions instead of ignoring them, I win. If I put myself before the Lord no matter how I feel, I win. If I don't give up, I win. So, I pray for the grace to carry on.

I am not going to be in the north forever. It's not always going to be blowing snow with the risk of frostbite. Weeping only lasts for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). It's going to be morning at some point and I'm looking forward to sunbathing in green meadows in the south.

Until them, I'm choosing to believe that He's working all things together for my good (Romans 8:28). I'm choosing to believe He's got a greater goal in mind than my comfort and I'm going to be far more glorious if I let Him take the lead than if I chart the course myself.

A suggestion I might take her up on...

As my previous post discussed, I am unsure of my future in the blogging world. But, the first step was to get away from the old layout. I knew with that layout, I couldn't keep blogging =) So, here's the first step...a new look. I needed something brighter and more enjoyable visually.

Back to my decision making. It warmed my heart when a friend of mine communicated to me a few weeks ago that she would be interested in hearing more about my thoughts, revelations and studies on a blog. The day to day stuff that happens, I want to talk about face-to-face with the people I love, which I don't want to be telling the whole world. But, what about an outlet for the things the Lord puts on my heart and I just want to write and post somewhere? I would be sad to have no outlet for that.

I have loose leaf pages in piles in my bedroom and office with writing about all kinds of things. I have a desire to write things down. But, what stops me from doing so, is my fight with a perfectionist spirit. I would want it to sounds perfect or else not post it. And, I know that I'm not perfect, so most of the time the thoughts stay just that. Thoughts. And they never make it on paper. Or part of it makes it into a journal and it never gets completed.

So, I'm still deciding and we'll see what happens. But it's a suggestion that I've been thinking about and I might take her up on...

To stop or not to stop? That is the question.

It's been a while since I blogged and I'm honestly thinking of dropping the blogging world. I haven't blogged since October and I've been off facebook since November. Life just seems more simple and more peaceful that way. The amount of time I've spent on the computer is way reduced and I like that!

I feel like I can rest a little more and focus on relationships that I have in person. I just don't like spilling my thoughts and feelings with whoever may be out there and reading this. That is kinda creepy. I would rather sit and have a coffee with you or connect by email. It's just weird and not fulfilling my need for socializing and connecting when I post something on here and know there are some people reading, minimal comments and no dialogue. You know? I'd rather have a conversation.

That been said, I haven't totally decided whether or not to drop blogging and facebook altogether. I like the socializing aspect of facebook. That's the problem with it. It's empty. And I like deeper relationships than that.

But, what about those that I want to keep in contact with who I can't sit down and have a coffee with because they live somewhere else? That throws in a twist!

Also, as for blogging, sometimes I would love to have a place to just write our needs down as intercessory missionaries. We used to send out a support letter but got frustrated with writing them. It seemed we spent more on paper, ink and stamps than we got in support in response to sending them out. We know we probably should write one again but it can be a little discouraging and we greatly dislike support raising.

So, these are some of the reason for my absence. I'm taking a little vacation. I'm rearranging the unnecessary things in my life to fit in my priorities. I'm wanting to sow a little more into real relationships. I'm wanting to spend my time on other things than the internet.

We'll see if what I decide. Not sure yet. But I won't quit without telling you =)

And as for needs, our January and February needs (over and above our usual expenses) include dental work (finishing the root canal from last July with a crown) and van insurance.

Adios.

Off we go!

We're just getting ready to head out for our trip to Kansas City for 2009! I'm getting excited!

We got to bed FAR too late (after 1am) and planned on getting up at 4am, which was far too little sleep. So, we planned to wake up at 5am. Good thing I happen to look at the clock at 5:09am and realize that I had set the alarm for 5 PM, not AM, after coming off nights yesterday morning! We both hardly slept, but we're up and getting ready to go! Pray for safety as we travel today =)

Again, it has been confirmed. I have the most awesome husband. The awesome guy was scrubbing the tub, cleaning the bathroom and sweeping the floors after midnight, so we can leave with a clean house! I was shocked and again blessed =) I am a lucky woman!

Off we go!

2 more shifts!

I'm getting more and more excited as our trip gets closer!

2 more nights shifts, which start in an hour or so and then it's time to go! I will wake up Friday evening, do the last minute packing and errands and try to get to sleep early enough to get up early and off we go!

I'm looking forward to getting our van all beautified for the trip. We took it in to the shop and did a few repairs this week. Now, we'll wash it and clean the inside, complete with a new air freshener =)

I've already started packing and did a bunch of cleaning in the house, include an overhaul of the office. What a relief to have that done, as it has looked like a tornado in there for months already! Papers everywhere!

Most of my number of lists have been finished and I just have a few more things waiting until Friday to be done.

I'm looking forward to hanging out with my honey and spending time with our buddies, the Coopers and the McAnnulla's! Kristi Cooper (www.somedaysremembered.blogspot.com) has the sweetest blog post about our coming =) I love it!

Off I go!

The Whirlwind of October

Wow! This month has been a whirlwind!

I had a ton of birthday celebrations with friends and family which made me feel special! I got a whole bunch of cards with really nice things written on them, which is my perfect gift! I have one birthday celebration left (with my bro) that will have to wait until November, because October has been too full! Thanks everyone for making me feel special this month!

On the conference front, Pure Heart was amazing at the beginning of the month. Then came the AWHONN conference...a work conference. I actually really enjoyed it and took a number of points away as things I'd like to try to implement more in my own practice. I enjoyed being with a group of nurses, in a non-hospital setting and discussing relevant topics and learning about topics that are applicable to my job.

Last but not least, the Kingdom Come Conference was this last weekend. I worked nights all weekend but went to the prayer room that we put on in the basement for an hour before work each evening. It was a whirlwind. Sleep 9-5pm, prayer room 6-7pm, work 7:30pm-8am. That is super tiring!

The Lord totally blessed me by allowing me to have 4 hours of work off on Friday night. There was an LOA available, which doesn't usually happen...and especially on the weekend! I got to work, found out that I could come back in 4 hours and went back to the prayer room. It was good that I did, because the Lord totally met me there. I'm so grateful!

In all this month's excitement, I was waiting for the arrival of a certain little princess and hoping she would make her appearance when I wasn't at work. The Lord handpicked a special day and Rayah came forth on October 21st! I had the honor of being with Jacquie, Joe and Rayah during Rayah's birth!

2 more shifts to go this week, a bunch of preparing and we are due to set sail to our friends in the south for a time of holidays! I am looking forward to a time of relaxing, getting away from usual responsibilities and being with my husband and some of our friends. I'm looking forward to seeing my husband sit and enjoy a prayer room, without having to run it, which he does so well =) I just think it will be a nice holiday for him to sit and enjoy the ride instead of steer the ship =) And I'm looking forward to sitting beside him in a prayer room instead of across the room for a few days =)

So, in 5 sleeps we are off to Kansas City! Yippee!

Book Review: Redefining Beautiful by Jenna Lucado with Max Lucado

This book is geared to young women and is about what God sees when God looks at us. The theme of this book is about knowing God as a perfect Father and the message is revealed through the theme of appearance.

When I started reading the first chapter, it was quite evident that I am not the age of the target audience. In my opinion, this book is very appropriate for 10-16 year olds. The theme of appearance wasn’t my favorite to start but as I got into chapter 2, the importance of the internal began to be discussed.

Jenna writes creatively and clearly about the need girls have for their heavenly Father. I could easily identify with other female readers about our universal longing for a love that only our perfect Father can provide.

I liked the use of scripture and the layout of the chapters that include Beauty Tips, Life Accessories and spaces for readers to answer personal questions. It is an interactive book!

Any woman at any age could get something out of this book, but I would recommend it more so to young women in junior high and high school.

Good-bye 26

Today is my last day as a 26 year-old. Tomorrow I enter the world of 27.

I'm good with that. I don't mind getting older. I already know what I want to do for my 30th and I'm looking forward to it =) Besides, I'm a fan of odd numbers and 27 sounds better than 26 to me. Yes, I'm a little quirky.

I'm hoping to make my usual list today, summing up the events of the last year. It brings one year to a close and lets me evaluate the past year and look ahead to the next year. I like going back to my last birthday list and seeing if the year was anything like what I had hoped it would be. I always write down my hopes for the next year and like to see if they come true.

I love answering questions like "what was the best part of the last year?" or "what do you hope for this next year?". I'm usually the one to ask the family to go around the circle and answer a question like this at the end or beginning of a year =)

Life hasn't had huge changes in the last few years like it did a number of years ago. Between 2000 and 2006 there was a ton of change from grad, moving to Wpg, starting to date, getting engaged, graduating from nursing, marrying Shane, starting to work as a nurse, starting SHOP, and much more. The last 4 years have been sweet as Shane and I have continued together, but the challenges have increased in the area of faith because of the choices of employment we've made and our many health issues that have arisen. We definitely have more mundane day-to-day stuff than the exciting drama of the first few years when monumental life stages are happening.

I'm ok with that too. Life doesn't always have to have a ton of drama =)

So, to get back to the question, I'm thinking the best part of the last year is the little ways my heart grew. The kisses my heart received from the Lord, the areas that I received revelation and the moments I felt an increase of the knowledge of God and His nearness are probably the highlights of my year. I'm also thankful for the ways He corrected me and guided me, helping me to adjust some of my negative attitudes and thought patterns. He has helped me to love more, care more and have more compassion. I'm growing at being less selfish, being a more loving friend and wife, and learning how to release the burdens I carry to Him.

I believe a little more about His affection for me. The truth of how He feels about me has sunk a little further over time. I've heard Him speak more and my heart loves that. He has encouraged me in times of prayer and through prophetic words.

Thank-you Lord for making my heart grow in love at 26. Adios 26 =)

Snowstorm before October 12th?

Today started the birthday celebrations! My birthday is not until Monday the 12th, but because my birthday is on Thanksgiving this year, Shane and I celebrated today!

Today, we also got a huge snowfall! I don't know if there has been a snowfall before my birthday on any year that I can remember. It usually snows before the end of the month, but not before my birthday! I don't mind the snow but I don't like that it has come before my big day! I was born in fall....not winter =) It has thrown me off!

My hubbie planned a wonderful day for me! Everything from cards, 24 red roses, activities such as mini-golf and glow-bowling, a yummy lunch at Olive Garden, and a plan B for the evening because of the weather. He had planned to have a bonfire with some s'mores at the park, but we were in the midst of a snowstorm, so we enjoyed yummy drinks at the local Starbuck's instead =)

My husband is the greatest and I'm so blessed to have him! Thanks for making my 27th birthday celebration special, babe!

October

The month of October is full of fun...very full!

Between taking 2 holiday days, Thanksgiving, my birthday and all its celebrations, awaiting the birth of the baby of a friend of mine, a few conferences and everything normal in my routine, the calendar is full!

I've had to cut out a few things to make the other things more enjoyable =)

Last weekend, a bunch of IHOPers came to Winnipeg to do the Pure Heart Conference. We were very blessed, as a bunch of SHOP came out to soak up the healing. I was blessed again by the faithfulness of God and how He kindly and gently reveals all kinds of things that He wants to touch on when you let Him. It was an awesome weekend full of lots of tears, good touches from the Lord and great ministry times.

A big highlight for me was the very end of the conference. The IHOPers met with the SHOPers in the back room and they prayed and prophesied over us! It was SOOOOOO encouraging and very accurate for my life right now. I just giggled and giggled and left feeling very excited and encouraged!

By Sunday, I still felt like a child on a truckload of sugar. I really enjoyed my time at SHOP on Sunday, again being reminded of how thankful I am that I have a house of prayer to go to and be a part of! Some of the IHOPers joined us at SHOP, which always encourages our HOP! It was a crazy evening of ministry time =)

I guess I should wrap this up, as I'm heading in to work today. Today is my one work shift in a stretch of 20 days off! I'm also in a stretch where I'm only working 8 shifts in 48 days! Woo! Hoo!! I've really needed a break and I'm hoping that by mid-November when the holiday dust settles, I'll be refreshed and ready to work again.

Until then, I'm planning on enjoying the time off!

Genetics!

I was looking through some pictures from 2009. This one caught my attention.



Isn't genetics amazing?

The day of small things

Last night, I watched a little bit of IHOP's 10 year Anniversary Celebrations. It's so neat that they can celebrate 10 years of hard work, graced and enabled by God, of 24/7 prayer and worship. That is a huge accomplishment and one worth celebrating!

As one who is a part of a HOP another place on the globe, I celebrate with them because it feels like giving your big brother or big sister a high five on a job well done! When I first went to IHOP I longed to relocate because nothing like it was happening in my own city. I am so thankful that over the last few years, I don't get that feeling when I enter or leave Kansas City anymore. To me, Kansas City is a well of refreshment. I can take a break from pioneering our smaller HOP and just sit back and soak in the midst of like-minded people doing the same thing in another area of the world. I feel like IHOP is a big brother, different in many ways but with the same genetics.

Today, I am thankful for our little HOP. I am thankful that we are small and nobody knows us. I am so thankful we're not on tv, webstreamed or famous. I'm thankful that anybody and everybody can participate. Today, I'm thankful for hiddeness because I know it won't be this way forever and I don't know how long this smaller season will last. Back in the trailer days, IHOP had small beginnings too and that sure didn't last forever!

I know that life won't look like it does now, forever. Our HOP won't always be in a small building in the middle of the city, housed on a 1 day a week by a generous pastor. We won't always have prayer meetings in homes on a regular basis. Shane won't always work from home, therefore, we won't always have both the blessings and struggles that working from home brings. We won't always know most faces in our midst on a more personal basis. We won't always get to attend most meetings.

Shane and I won't always be in our 20s. We won't always have the time, space and freedom we do now in the same way. We won't always be without children and we probably won't always be in an apartment.

Life as we know it is going to change over the years in a personal and corporate way. Things won't always be the same for our little HOP. I generally comfort myself in the hard times with this truth, but it is also a little sad. So often I want to leave the small beginnings behind and yet how special they have been.

Zechariah 4:10 "For who has despised the day of small things?".

I want to cherish our small beginnings instead of despise the annoyances and frustrations that accompany them. There are so many very painful and frustrating parts to "building a ship while at sea", but there are so many treasures (even when I can't think of them). They may not be obvious but they are probably internal and eternal in nature.

I want to be thankful for the present. Thankful for the small things. I want to appropriately desire the things to come and yet love the present with a thankful heart.

September 20, 2009 will never take place again, along with any other day. I want to live it out well, without regrets, not wanting to stay in today forever but not always longing to get out of it as quickly as possible either.

Thank-you Lord for hot Sundays with no air-conditioning. We'll love retelling the story in 10 years. Thank-you Lord for the sound system. We'll have MANY stories in 5 years. Thank-you Lord for limiting our time and resources according to what you know we can handle. Thank-you Lord for leading and guiding us so well. Thank-you Lord for giving us all we need step by step. Thank-you for Your perfect leadership and your great wisdom in building this HOP. Thank-you for filling us time and time again with your presence.

Cheers to the days of small beginnings!

Praise the Lord!

Great news! My MRI is normal and I don't have anything wrong in my brain!! Woo!!! Hoo!!!

I'm so relieved to have a great report after today's neurologist appointment. They were staying the scary word "MS" over the past 2 months and I'm greatly relieved to find out that I don't have it!

Thank-you to all who covered me in prayer, directly and indirectly, with laying on of hands or from your home! Praise the Lord for being my Healer and Protector!

A Kiss Upon My Heart

I love those times when you are praying for something and God goes beyond what you prayed for, just to give you a kiss of love upon your heart!

I had one of those moments that spoke directly to my heart a few weeks ago. It may not sound like a big deal, but it definitely touched my heart and affirmed that He hears, cares and acts.

I was put on the long waiting list for an MRI around mid-August. I got my letter in the mail sent out August 12 with my appointment date on it. I was scheduled for a 5 month wait, which was discouraging. I would only have the test on January 12th.

I decided to pray to get that date moved! I stuck the appointment paper in a devotional book that I read each morning at the breakfast table so I had a good reminder to pray! I also gathered a few close friends to pray with me for this appointment to be moved! And then I did something active as well and got myself put on the cancellation list.

I prayed that God would expedite my MRI for September instead of January. I thought it was a stretch but I knew God can/could do it!

Well, 2 weeks ago today, I was sleeping after a night shift. Shane wakes me up, which he wouldn't do unless there is something very urgent happening! The MRI Department called and had an opening come up for 1 hour and 45 minutes later!

I was exhausted but absolutely thrilled and said a definite yes!

I am so pleased to have gotten my MRI so quickly! And what tickled my heart so? I got it done on August 30th. God surpassed my request for September and reinforced that He cares by making a point that it was even earlier...in August! I only actually waited 2 and a half weeks instead of 5 months!

Thank-you Lord for kisses on my heart!

Happy 9 Years Shane!

It's pretty neat.....Shane and I have been a couple in dating, engaged and married forms for 9 years today!

We officially started dating 9 years ago....September 8, 2000! That is a long time ago for only being 26 =)

We spent about 3 years and almost a month dating before getting engaged on October 3, 2003. We spent another 8 months engaged and enjoying the roles of fiance and financee =) Oh how I loved that season of time preparing for a wedding and being the bride! Then we tied the knot on June 12, 2004 and have thoroughly enjoyed 5 years and almost 3 months of marriage!

That's a pretty neat time line when I look at it that way!

I love that there are such highlights for every season. I loved those initial tinglings in my tummy when I was in some severe denial that I liked Shane, yet I enjoyed his friendship so much and was so sad to think of it ever not continuing so closely =) Then the dating years where you talk about everything under the sun, laugh and cry and hash through all kinds of topics that are relevant for the future. I LOVED the engaged part of the journey. I thought I'd want to take up wedding planning as a side job when I was finished planning my own. I loved being the bride and enjoying that special time in our lives that is over so quickly so you gotta love it while you can!

And there is so much to say about the honor of spending regular life, day in and day out, with the one you love. I am more certain I made the right choice today than I was when I married Shane. It's fun to talk late at night, to wake up for my morning hug, to make supper and do the dishes together, to have someone waiting for my phone call on my breaks at work, and to worship and pray together, being able to watch my husband in action in his work on a Sunday or Tuesday from across the room.

Happy 9 years together babe! I love you!