Ahhhh....a piece of contentment....

It is sure nice to have a sister-in-law and brother-in-law that have a pool on hot days like these!

After working hard this morning/afternoon, cleaning Steph's appartment and moving out the rest of her stuff, Shane and I headed to his sister and brother-in-law's for a nice barbeque potluck.

It was great to sit by the pool, swim a little in the heat, drink cold drinks, eat yummy food and chat with family for hours this afternoon/evening. And the light show (lightening) later on in the evening when it was dark was great entertainment!

I had a nice summer-kind of day today! And I enjoyed it! I hope for a bunch more this year!

Heaven would be nice......

Some days I just really want this world to pass away, this life on earth to end, and heaven to be my immediate home. I feel a hunger, a discontentment sometimes. I search within to see what is up. I sometimes try to fill it by trial and error. No. Sometimes it just comes down to a longing for my Home. When I'm feeling a little out of sorts and really sit down to examine why, often it is that I want heaven.

Today, this afternoon, right now, I want heaven.

I'm not satisfied today on earth. I'm tired of this place. I want more than it has to offer me. I want the perfection of the new heaven and the new earth. I want to see my Jesus face to face. I want to see my name written in heaven. I want to see the place prepared for me.

(Now, those of you with all kinds of differing opinions about the end of the age, humor me and don't debate this time. I just wanted to verbalize my desire for what is to come...however it is going to look. And also, don't get worried that I'm wanting to die or anything. I love to live, but today I long for heaven.)

So, Jesus, impact my world with Your reality. Show me a piece of heaven here on earth. Be near. Create in me a content heart....a heart that is content in any and every situation. Open my eyes to see things the way that You do.

Friends, doctor's appointments and sisters.....

I had such a nice morning/afternoon with my friend Amy! We met at the St.Vital Mall and window shopped and such for baby and maternity clothes. She is expecting her first baby in January and I am the super excited friend! We became best friends in grade 6 and though haven't always had a ton of time together since grade 9, still consider each other close friends. She was one of my bridesmaids when I got married last year. It was such a nice break to get out of the house, put my worry aside for a few hours and talk with a girlfriend. Such good medicine!

Then I took Shaner to the doctor to let his family doc know about the latest info (re: allergic reaction). Lo and behold, the blood that they took from him yesterday showed that he has been at TOXIC dilantin levels! The poor guy! The norm is a range from 10-20. Shane had a whopping level of 35.72!!!!! His doctor hadn't seen a level that high in 14-15 years of practice!!! No wonder he's been stuttering, dizzy, a little wobbly and really exhausted! I don't have to worry these few days that he is off the meds about him having a seizure because with that level, and the drug being long-acting, he definitely won't have a seizure any time soon! Strangely, Shane was at a very common dosage of dilantin. Anyways, we start on the new medication, at a much lower starting dose, on friday. In the meantime, we continue to battle the itch with Benadryl.

And for tonight, tonight I see my sister! She is moving out of her appartment this weekend and I really am big on closure. I feel the need to hang out together in her appartment one last time, help with some left-over packing (I'm into throwing things out if she needs a hand with that!), give some emotional support over the whole thing of moving and some much needed sister bonding time. I'm looking forward to seeing my lovely sister tonight!

Back to our second home, Emerg.

No, there wasn't another seizure. This time, Shane has a rash that has developed over his body (ankles, knees, chest, back, arms, hands). He had little patches of it that would come and go since he started on dilantin, but today it went all over. We were at St.B to get his blood drawn to see what his levels are, so we went up to my ward to do some schedule stuff and thought we'd ask a doc if I ran into one. One of the really nice doctors on our ward was around so I asked him his opinion, and the nearby med student. That is one great benefit of working in a hospital! Off we went to Emerg, just to chat with the triage nurse....NOT planning on waiting or talking to a doctor down there. Well, we ended up waiting anyways, as advised, but not nearly as long this time! Only 2 and a half hours in Emerg instead of 5-6! That was nice!

The doctor is having Shane stop his dilantin all together. The rash supposedly looks like a classic drug allergy rash. He is going to have nothing onboard until friday when he starts a new anti-convulsant. One warning is that being off the dilantin so abruptly, could potentially precipitate seizures. So, I will be watching Shane closely until we are steady on the next med.
He's also super itchy...so we are going to be friendly with Benadryl!

We feel a little deflated. We had plans to go camping with friends (Johan and Corrie) this weekend. Now we have to cancel them because being off the meds, not knowing what will happen in the next few days, starting a new med, not knowing how Shane will react to the next one and being 3 hours away in the wilderness is not a great idea. But, we are bummed. It sort of feels like being back at square 1. I'm glad he's not on the dilantin though...I didn't like that stuff! Today Shane is finally having less of a stutter and an easier time talking. That is a real blessing!

We'll keep you all posted. Please pray that there are no other seizures regardless of being on or off the meds. Pray that this rash and itchiness go away quickly and there are no issues with starting the next medication. And lastly, pray for our bummed emotions. Shane has been such a great sport, but he and I are both feeling tired of all this already. Deflated, is a good word for it.

The fun of family....

This morning, Shane and I had the pleasure of accompanying Shane's grandpa to the doctor's. He is quite a hoot! He asked me to come into the office with him. I found that quite the compliment! When the doctor entered the room, he explained that he brought along his own private nurse! How funny!

We had a nice morning/afternoon together in Steinbach, on the drive to and fro and a nice hearty meal at MJ's on Main Street in Steinbach (mmmm...good Mennonite home-cooked food). It was a good way to spend part of our day!

We also had Shane's sisters over for the night. We haven't had them over here for a sleepover since we've been married. It was nice! We rented Ice Princess...all you may be groaning, but it is such a cute movie! I had inspirations to become a figure skater after watching!

As for this evening, prayer is on. We are going to be praying here at our place again, since we are in town after all! So, we'll see whoever shows up and start up the prayer at 7pm! See you then!

I would do it again!

We had a nice little camping trip to Birds Hill this weekend. There were some minor complications, but generally a nice time. We bought a Coleman stove/grill before we left, and borrowed a tent and a dining tent. We managed to figure out how to set it all up without too much trouble. It was that dining tent that was almost abandoned! Hee hee, Kendra warned me about it! I wanted to set it up, Shane thought we should forget about it. But, we managed not too badly and it was really handy to have! I think we'll eventually get our own!

As for the beautiful stove/grill, I was so proud to have made the best pancakes yet! I made them better on the stove camping than in my own kitchen! Strange! And Shane made some great hamburgers on there. It is quite a handy contraption!

The beach was fun too! We were worried yesterday about the called-for thunderstorms, but we ended up being dry all day! And we had the company of my dad and sister in the afternoon and evening. That was nice! I also got a great sunburn, despite applying sunscreen with 30 spf! Yikes, no matter what I usually get one! Though, I think this sunburn started over breakfast at our campsite, before I applied the dose of sunscreen!

So, for the minor complications.....we got to our campsite about 5:10pm on friday. There were dogs in a tent trailer in a nearby site. They barked for hours, all alone in there. The warden and patrol people were told multiple times and finally put a tarp over the side that was facing other sites which was making the dogs squirrely! The owners finally came home about 11:00pm and were out of the park the next morning.
The next bit of excitement was the noise factor all night! There were some young adult women who were pretty noisey and had too much to drink. Well, while one of the best friend was out cold in the bathroom...and let me tell you, those floors are nasty!, the other was participating in "activities" for all the nearby campsites to overhear. Nasty!!!! We sure did NOT appreciate that! How do you explain those noises to your children in the middle of the night? (as our neighbor put it)

So, as if a team in The Amazing Race, we decided at 10:45pm last night, right after my dad and sister left, that we would pack up and head home! Sounds crazy, but hey! So, we took down our site in the darkness, with a little help from two flashlights. That dining tent was pretty crazy to take down in the dark...it looks like an octupus upside down! We did it in good timing, and pretty quietly. We were still in the habit of whispering when we were in our car driving home at midnight. We unloaded the car here at home and still had to shower from the day at the beach and all the product (sunscreen and misquito spray) that we had caked on our skin. So, we finally went to sleep at 2:30am!!! And didn't awake until 2:00pm this afternoon! Whew! Talk about adventures!

Look for upcoming pictures of our time in the "wilderness" (when we figure out how to post them)!

Hello wilderness...we'll maybe not wilderness....hello provincial park

So, Shane and I are going to attempt our first adventure camping together this weekend! It should be very interesting and hopefully a ton of fun! Shane used to be a scout as a boy, so he remembers camping/canoe trips. I have gone camping, in a tent trailer, a few summers as a kid, but not a whole lot and many years ago. It feels like I'm doing this for the first time! I don't know what to pack or how to camp really! And, we're borrowing a tent. I sure don't know if I can set that thing up! (good thing Shane's around!)

So, I'm definitely bringing the camera, because I think it will be quite the memory making experience for us as a couple! Hopefully lots of laughs, good quality time together and few misquito bites! Here's to hoping! I was too excited to sleep in too long this morning. I want to get going!!!

I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!

Today was my last day of my senior practicum! My last day wearing my student nurse nametag!!! I will never have to sign my student nurse initials again! Wow! That will be a tough adjustment, as it is second nature to sign UMSNIV (university of manitoba, student nurse, fourth year). I've even caught myself signing it on my VISA receipt recently! Silly, eh? And, from now on when I introduce myself I don't have to include "student" in the title.

I had a fabulous evaluation and got great feedback from my preceptors and faculty advisor! Yippee! That is a great way to end things! And to know that my preceptors look forward to working with me as a co-worker is a really good thing!

I'm off to Olive Garden to have a spontaneous celebration dinner with my hubbie, mother and perhaps a sister and a friend! Yippeeee!!!!

Bummed...bummed...bummed.....

We are NOT taking our preplanned trip to Kansas City on thursday. I am very disappointed and am feeling a little bummed about it, and the next few weeks, today.

We went to Shane's family doctor today. The word is that he will not have his licence for a minimum of 1 year. As well, he will probably be on the medication for the year as well. I asked when he could be weaned off of it. The doctor advised that we should not do that until he has been given his licence back and the seizures are well managed, and then do it slowly, through the doctor. Also, blood work every 2 weeks for the first little while and doctor's visits will be tricky as Shane will need a driver to each appointment. So, I really pray that his work is understanding about the time he'll need off to do these things and I pray that I have the right days off. Also, my question is, how do we get Shane to work every day for an entire year?

All of this also means that we will not be covered by insurance until Shane is on a stable dose, with no other seizures, for at least 6 months. This means no Kansas City this week, no One Thing conference in December, etc. It really feels as though one big door as been shut. The fact that Shane really can't leave the country until at least January, unless we want to risk paying an arm and a leg, really feels limiting. Guess we aren't leaving anytime soon......not that it was a plan to, but it was at least an option a week ago.

I'm tired of having a good attitude at this moment. I'm bummed and I think this sucks. We are feeling pretty good otherwise. We are both feeling quite peaceful admist the circumstances and I feel the underlying soverignty of God in our lives. He is good, always has been, always will be.

Holidays begin....

Due to the craziness of the last week or so and the effect it has had both physically and emotionally on us, Shane decided to start his holidays today, instead of waiting until thursday like originally planned. He really is wasted and needs to rest. I don't think he would be functioning all that great if he worked the next 3 days.

We have been sleeping the morning away. I took him to work this morning, and went back home. He called me half an hour later to come pick him up. He wanted to run the idea of starting his holidays today by his boss, without me waiting in the parking lot. Since we've been home, we've slept. I felt so heavy, like I couldn't even move I was so exhausted. That is a bizarre feeling. I don't like it, because I'm not as alert as I'd like to be at this time.

We have a bunch of things to do which his being home will come in handy. We have to work out the insurance stuff from the break-in of the car, have an appointment with MPI to see if there was any damage, go to Shane's doctor tomorrow, fill his perscription for the dilantin, etc. Lots to do, and no motivation to do it while feeling so tired.

I scheduled a 90 minute massage for this afternoon last month. I wanted to treat myself as a present for being done my senior practicum (well, one more shift left). My benefits through the University cover a few a year. Now that Shane is home today, I'm a little nervous about going and leaving him here. I thought he may come and sit in the waiting room, but that is boring and I don't want him to have to do that. But, I really don't want to cancel it either. I could really use it at this point. I just had a thought though. Maybe I will reduce the time to 1 hour....I'm more comfortable leaving him for 1 hour than 1 and a half.....I think that is because his seizure and sleeping times have been 1 and a half to 2 hours this past week. I guess that's my internal logic.

So, I'll figure it out in the next few minutes and then bring the cell phone with me so that I can check up on him. Besides I'm only 5 minutes away. Yikes, these kind of thoughts and decisions about daily life and how it can suddenly get more complicated, suck.

Another day in emerg.....

The day began like any other. Up before Shane, get ready and off to work while he is still resting in bed. Today I was a little sleepier and a little envious of his extra sleeping time.
The day on labor and delivery began, excitement off the bat. Bad fetal heart rate tracings, forceps delivery, etc. Then it got slow....
So, at lunch I called my Shaner, knowing that he would be out of church by then. This is when I found out the bad news.

This morning Shane awoke to a feeling of thirst. So, he decided to refill his glass of water in the kitchen before getting back to sleep. It was 7:06am.
He awoke, laying down on his tummy in the entrance of our appartment, which is on the way to the kitchen, around 8:40am. An hour and a half later. His cup that he had been carrying, was lying nearby and the small amount of water that was in it was spilled on nearby stuff and the wall. Tired and all, Shane went to church wanting some prayer and failing to alert others of his morning events (except his dad, who's a great secret keeper).

I, feeling a little rattled emotionally, consulted the nurses on my ward and one of the doctors. They were all such a support and gave me some nice, sound medical advise. 4 seizures in 6 days? Get him into emergency.

So, after 5-6 hours in emergency again today, an EKG, more bloodwork, a WHOLE LOT of waiting and some IV Dilantin (anti-convulsant medication), we are back at home. Shane's feeling pretty drowsy and dizzy with some slurred speech and blurred vision at present. I think that was quite the dose that he got!

We need your continued prayers! We want to hear the Lord on this one.

Do we look like a target??????

To add to all the drama lately, which has mostly been negative, Shane called to tell me our car was broken into during the night. This has never happened to us. I'm insulted.
The trunk was open and the drivers side door was unlocked when he went down this morning. I went to check it all out, make sure the car was ok and take pictures. Somehow they managed to get in, without leaving a mark on the outside of the car.

Our cds are gone. Bless the ones that now own a bunch of teaching tapes! Shane's precious sunglasses are gone. Shane's golf clubs are gone. The golf clubs are the big thing.

Another rotten thing is that the golf clubs might be covered by house insurance as opposed to autopac (so says the policeman that Shane talked to), which means our deductable is $1000. Something that we just can't afford.

I don't know what is going on these days! The more that happens, the more it feels like these are strategic negative things and not just happening by chance. Attack? I don't know what is going on!

When Shane called back from talking with the police, his first words were, "No Kansas City" because of the expense that this might cause us. Oh no, I say! We aren't giving up like that! I could see how Satan may be trying pretty hard this week to stop us from going...with the events of Shane's drivers being taken away, having some medical issues to think about while in another country, someone trying to wreck our car, the addition of a huge expense that we can't really afford, and us both feeling sick.

But, we will keep on fighting. We will still go to Kansas City. We want all that God has for us. In this time, we feel like going to KC for those 10 days is part of the puzzle piece of our journey at this point. I don't want anything of darkness to thwart the plans that God has for us. I also want to be wise. Help Lord!

Groan, Moan and Clutch your Stomach......

I feel crappy. I've made close acquaintance with the bathroom this past night with the effects of a very upset stomach. It came upon me in the last hour or two of work last night. And has really flared up over night. To go along with that, my throat is on fire!

So, after waking up practically hourly, I decided at 4:30am that a warm bath, some awake time and a cup of tea might help this sicko. And, I did it. I called in sick for the first time. I hate to do this, but I don't want to spend the whole day in the bathroom at the hospital! It is sucky to even use public washrooms, never mind if you need it for an extended period of time! It actually worked out quite well, because when I called in I found out the nurse that I was supposed to be with is also sick today.

So, today I will rest. Physically, nursing my sore throat and upset stomach. Getting some extra sleep. And emotionally rest up from the past few days. I need some R & R, some good Bible reading time and a day on the couch.

Ahhhh....I'm going to go and inform my faculty advisor of my state and finish my tea. Nite, nite.

Good news today on another note......

I got a .7 term on LDRP today! That means I work 7 days out of a two week period generally (full time is 10 days). I'm working 8 hour day and night shifts, which also means that I get every evening off with my husband! And now that it is a real nursing position, I get every other weekend off! Also, just for clarity, LDRP is the labor, delivery, recovery, postpartum ward...so I get both labor and delivery and postpartum experience. That part is good. That is the ward that I started my practicum on in May. Now I'm on Labor and Delivery, the high risk side. I hope to be able to work there at some point (sooner than later) because it is really great experience for a new grad! I'm really enjoying all the action....even though I do support the philosophy of LDRP which supports less interventions and more natural ways of laboring and delivering.

The only other part is that it is a term. It starts the day after I write my RN national exam....about August 11 I think and goes until October sometime. It isn't very long, but it gets my foot in the door! Hopefully I land another term or a permanent position in that time! I'm very happy to have a job waiting for me! And I'm not even done my senior practicum yet! Thank-you Lord!

Leaving for work.....makes me a teeny bit nervous!

I'm leaving for work within the next 15 minutes. Shane will not be up yet. I'm a little nervous to leave him.....
I'll call when I get to work to make sure things are fine, and I'll say a prayer of protection over him and peace over me.
He's back to work today.
That's it for now....must run!

Update on the drama of yesterday....

Thanks so much for your prayers everyone and all the supportive comments! We really appreciate the support! Things are getting kinda back to normal. I was a little apprehensive about sleeping last night and awoke to check on Shane numerous times and check that he was still and breathing.
We ended up making a bed on the living room floor because it is cooler out in the living room with the air conditioner. I actually welcomed the idea of not sleeping in our room. It was just freaky for me. I don't want to be bothered by fear or worry, but it just felt weird to sleep in our room last night with some flashbacks of how I woke up that morning. I feel the need to vaccuum in that room today....get rid of anything that could be in there. I know it sounds strange.

Otherwise, the situation went as smoothly as I could have hoped for. I wanted to cry last morning when I woke up with Shane in that state. But I clicked into nurse mode and was pretty calm, but a little paniced. Because of the need to remain rationale, I didn't cry at the time and so I actually haven't shed a tear yet. Maybe I will at some point just to release any kind of feelings that need to be let out through tears.

It was very helpful to know the lingo of what the peramedics were saying. It allowed me to know that his vital signs, blood sugar, etc were ok. Though I think his pulse was pretty elevated.

We went for some food with his parents, my mom and sister after we left the hospital yesterday afternoon. Then we came home to return some calls and give some updates and headed to bed. We were both really exhausted and needed a nap. So, we slept for 2 hours and spent the rest of the evening relaxing. Popsicles, a cute movie and my sister were the best medicine!

Just continue to pray for answers, light into the spiritual and physical side of things, that seizures never happen again, and that fear and anxiety wouldn't have any room in our hearts or home. Thanks again for all the support! It is SOOO appreciated!

Prayer request and update....

I woke up this morning to Shane having a seizure on the floor beside my bed. I called 911 who responded within about 10 minutes. In the meantime, I waited, talking to Shane, calling out to Jesus and turning Shane on his side and making sure he was breathing. In the time between the call to 911 and their arrival, he had another seizure that lasted less than 1 minute. I had about 7 uniformed men in our tiny little bedroom. Good thing I managed to think clearly and get some clothes on before they arrived!
We were brought to the St.Boniface Emergency by ambulance. Shane was only slightly responsive for a good hour. He finally said a word to me about an hour or so after I had found him on our floor.
Shane had blood work done, a physical assessment and a CT scan this morning/afternoon. All were normal. He is very sleepy now and has the battle wounds of burst blood vessels around his eyes, but otherwise doing well. We are home now and I'm just going to spend the next day or two observing him, providing that natural nursing care and loving my husband that is alive today! Thank-you Jesus for no brain damage and that my hubbie is alive!
Thanks to all who were praying and please continue to do so. Pray that this never happens again.
God bless. I'm off to tuck my buddy into bed...more updates later.

Lots to say, not a lot of time to say it.....

-great day at the hospital...slow, but had an incredible couple to work with, they gave me positive feedback like crazy! The husband even pulled my preceptor aside and ranted about a list of positive things he had to say about me! And when someone rants about your communication skills and people skills, that is a HUGE compliment!

-I enjoyed the warm weather yesterday at Birds Hill Beach with my hubbie! It was SO nice to have a weekend day with him! It has felt like a long time since I've seen Shane for a whole day!

-Only 6 more shifts as a student nurse! Yikes! I have had an incredible experience! I love this area of nursing! And I almost had a delivery on my own the other day! One more push and I would have been delivering that baby on my own! I sure used good judgement at the perfect timing when I called for the doctor and another nurse to help me out with the delivery!

-Actually went out socially on friday night...and way past my bedtime! Shane and I met Christina, Steph, Roman (Christina's bro) and Stephan (Christina's bro) at the Forks for yummy drinks! It was nice to be out socially and see people that I enjoy!

-A week from thursday Shane and I leave for our 10-day trip to KC!!! I'm so looking forward to it! I hope to receive more and more direction with the next stage of our lives! Bring it on, Lord! And I'm pumped to visit Joel and Joyska!

Lots of good stuff........mmmmm.......speaking of good stuff...I think my bed and Bible are calling!

A nice, slow day at the hospital...

I had a nice 12 hour shift and it was good to come home without sore feet! I spent most of my day sitting with a very sweet patient, in the dark (as much as we could get the room dark during the day) because of a severe headache, and working mostly on my own! That is the part that really felt good! I always had a resource person to ask questions to, but I had my patient to myself for practically the whole day! The charge nurse said that since I'm done in 2 weeks I may as well get my initiation...or something to that effect. They acknowledged the "promotion" I had with more independence today. Yippee!

And yes, 9 more shifts until I am finished my senior practicum! Isn't that incredible?! It has really gone by quite fast! I'm excited..and a little nervous...to go and do this L & D nursing thing as a real nurse! I keep telling my patients' something like that lately....that "_ more shifts and I'm a real nurse!". Hee hee!

Another good thing about today is that I talked to my unit manager. She said that she is off on holidays for 3 weeks starting next week so there won't be any postings during that time. To me that pretty much means that while I'm in Kansas City at the end of the month I won't be missing out on potential positions! She also said that as soon as I get my grad status in the mail, which will probably be within the week or so after we return from KC, while I'm cramming for my RN exam, I should call her and she will hire me as a casual staff right away! So, I can pretty much start right away as long as there are shifts available! And they seem to be short a lot these summer days!

So, Lord, would you give me favor and provide a position for me! And thanks that I get a holiday in between!

You every feel slimey????

You know the feeling you get after being with someone that is constantly negative? I've had a rough week with that! I had a nurse over the weekend that was so negative I wanted to wear ear plugs and puke at times. I just end up feeling bummed and slimed. I also saw a friend who is often very negative and it is tough to sit through our time together sometimes.

Boy, I sure don't want to make people feel slimey. I want people to feel encouraged when they are around me. I want to speak into my friends' and family's lives in a positive way.

I guess being around those kind of people reminds me to watch my own attitude and the way I effect those around me. Jesus, make me more like you and please be my shield around slimey people.

I'm into learning how to soak.

I am feeling drawn into a place of soaking with my Jesus. I need to make space for myself to just rest in His presence and get to know Him in a new way. I am really enjoying this thing of prayer...but I don't want to find myself always talking and not resting and listening.

So, I need to start to put on a cd and lie there. Let myself rest in His presence. Let Him speak to my soul and revive me. I felt that presence and nearness all day.

I had a day off today. Today and tomorrow are my weekend (I worked all weekend). It is actually really nice to have my days off in the middle of the week because I actually get to spend them resting at home. When my days off are on the weekend, I tend to fill them with a lot of fun things. But it isn't necessarily resting.

So, I've enjoyed some time in the Word today. I've enjoyed putting on worship music and going for it in my kitchen as I make supper. I've enjoyed dancing His peace over my bedroom. I've enjoyed talking with my Friend. This is such intimate time and I love the contentment that comes with it. I don't want the end of the day at home to come. I've really enjoyed the rest and presence of my Friend. I know that He is always with me...I've just loved our time together today and don't want it to end.