Just a little note from my abnormal psych textbook:

"Thinness bias is pervasive in the United States and many other countries. The average American woman is 5'4" tall and weighs 140 pounds, while the average American female model is 5'11" tall and weighs 117 pounds".

No wonder our precious daughters, sisters, mothers, friends, cousins, etc are battered with low self-esteem and struggling with worth and value. The general public does not look at the average person, but compares people to these anorexic models.

Perhaps we should intercede and stand in the gap for those who struggle with eating disorders and issues of value. Lord, would each of your precious creation know of their worth and the feelings you have for each of us!

This afternoon I finally connected with a nursing recruiter. We have been playing phone tag since before Christmas, and we finally were both on the line!

I was just beginning to take a nap when she called. I quickly got the phone and chatted with her before going back to bed for my wonderful nap that I had been dreaming about all day! Well, my wonderful nap wasn't so restful...I managed to stay in bed for a while, but I don't think I actually slept!

Now there is a little bit in info on my mind and heart. The recruiter told me the details of the process of getting down to the USA and the states that have new grad programs. It sounds pretty good, but the process is pretty costly up front. Generally the signing bonuses cover the whole process....but you first have to pay for it all! The kinda exciting, kinda scarey part was when she said, " IF ALL WORKS OUT YOU COULD BE RELOCATED BY CHRISTMAS!!!!". That kinda freaked me out! That is this year! It seems like such a long process to go through....but it is possible that it would be worked out within a few short months.

I have no idea what we will do. I cannot fortell the future. I don't know if I will get my practicum placement where I want it. I do not know if they will offer me a job here in Winnipeg. I don't know if God will lead us to the USA. I have no idea which state He would want us in. I don't know how the timing would work out. I don't know where the initial money would come from. I don't know if we will even go.

I'm excited about what God is doing and going to do here in Winnipeg. Yes, I would love to escape our winters and misquitos, and experience life in a different place for a short period of time. But, I like where I live now. I like my family being nearby, my good old friends, my church, my housegroup, even my little appartment. I don't know if I want to leave that all.....I'm so excited about the stirrings of the Lord in my life and in our church at this present time. I want to stay and be in on what exciting things are in store!

So, these are my thoughts today....a little apprehensive...but not stressed....and a little excited...where could we possibly be going?

School's done for the day, and I'm a happy camper!

I am so sleepy lately! I was doing "the bob" in multiple classes today, and even at work yesterday afternoon! This is not a good thing!

Tonight I am having my mom and siblings over for supper! I am making lasagna....and we are having carrot cake that I made for dessert! How domestic! My youngest foster brother, Tyler, is leaving on friday and I wanted to be able to have an official good-bye so there is that aspect of closer for me. I am big on closure. Even if I don't know the baby THAT well, I still want to say good-bye. I think he was born in august....so he's about 5 months already! And what a little cutie!

I'm contemplating a nap before I get cooking....but here I am....wasting valuable sleeping time!
I must go!

Mmmmm......to sleep in! I had the pleasure of sleeping in this morning until 10am! It was wonderful! Strangely, I'm still feeling fairly tired and feel like I could have slept another few hours! Yesterday in my first class I was actually doing the head-bob and my eyes were dancing their way to the back of my head! I usually don't have this problem! It really does suck when you are trying to listen and take notes and you can barely keep your eyes open!

I went swimming last night! For those of you who don't know, I'm taking swimming lessons at the Y! Yesterday night was my second lesson! I think I'm doing pretty good and I'm starting to like the water a little more! I've learned a bunch of floats, glides and the back crawl. The back crawl is what I'm trying to master now! I even went into the deep end and back crawled the whole length of the pool! It may not seem like much, but it is a start on learning how to swim!

Have a great day all you fishes! I'm off to get ready for school! It is my nice late day with only one class....though it is one of the worst ones! I will keep a good attitude! Last week, I shouted out an answer in class and earned myself a coffee! See this prof gives coffee questions and if you give him the answer he wants, he gives you a coffee! I got one! Bye!

.....feeling a little cranky......

You know those days? People are kinda getting on my nerves more than usual. I hate when this happens! Maybe my hormones are jumping around a little today.

I seem to have a hard time forgetting and letting go. I tend to get hurt and offended fairly easily. See, I'm good at CHOOSING to forgive, but it is really hard for me to let the feelings go. I make the choice a million times, release the person in my mind and hopefully heart.....but still have a while of funny feelings a lot of the time. I really hate this part of myself. Why can't I just forget things easily? Why can't they slide off my back like it works for some others? I don't want to be one that is easily emotionally affected by others. I don't want others to have that power over me.

Poopy....I hate those days.....

I think I froze.....and I kinda wanted to cry.....

Not the greatest last hour and a half of my life. I plan on doing a minimal amount of venting, so if anyone doesn't want to hear it, close this window now! Trying not to complain but just express my frustration.

I missed my bus in order to stop by the doctor's office after class to find out the results from the ultrasound last week. Well, good and bad news, I'm completely normal! I was somewhat hoping that they would find something wrong with me so that they could fix it! Well, all abdomenal organs are perfectly fine. I left feeling fairly frustrated and somewhat wanting to cry. I am behind square one in figuring out my stomach issues! Very frustrating!

Then, with that news, and the buses I had missed, I ended up waiting for 35 minutes outside in the -45 degree weather for a bus to get home! I thought I'd brave the weather and walked about 10 minutes, until I could no longer feel my forehead. Then I hibernated in a bus shelter for the remaining 25 minutes. I have issues that I could talk to Winnipeg Transit about!

So, to turn around the negative sound of this post.....what are the positives?
-I have healthy organs
-I could have had to wait for the bus and the doctor even longer!
-It could be much colder out there
-I had a nice old man to talk to in the bus shelter about his love for history
-I could have had to wait without a bus shelter
-At least I had gloves and a scarf
-The bus was warm once I got in it for the few minute ride that I needed
-Now I'm home in my fairly warm appartment....and because I'm the only here, I can crank the heat as much as I want right now!

Stay warm out there!

I thought of something the other day in a way that I haven't really thought of before.

I am a calendar girl! Ok....not in the way that you may be thinking! I do not pose nude for anybody's camera! Instead, I mean that I love scheduling and my calendar! I get excited about upcoming events, I like to count down until special days and plan events in advance. Sometimes this enjoyment is a blessing, sometime it isn't! I have to keep it balanced and allow God to use the gifting!

But, the revelation I got was that I should look forward to what God is doing in my life the same way I look forward to exciting upcoming events in the physical realm. Yes, I know that God is always moving, but I guess I subconsciously begin to think that each day is somewhat the same and such. GOD IS BIGGER THAN THAT! I need to anticipate what He is going to do next! I have the right to get excited about what He is going to do today, tomorrow and next week! I can look forward to new and exciting things happening! And I bet you I would see more new and exciting things happening in my world if I were looking for them and anticipating them!

You know that exciting feeling that you get over things that are coming up in life that you are looking forward to? I remember the months last year when we were engaged. We were engaged for about 8 months, and each day was exciting when I thought about the upcoming wedding and marriage. I had something VERY exciting to look forward to any moment that I thought about it!

That specific feeling of anticipation is different than just feeling generally happy or content. It is specific and directed at a specific event or time. I want to feel this way about what Jesus is doing in my life and around me, now. Yes, we can feeling generally happy and excited about what God is doing in our world. And that is good. But I want to have that specific excitement and anticipation that is emotionally-charged and present! I want to be specific and intimate, not so general!

Just some thoughts!

Morning all you out there!

So Shane and I arose at a early 6am...well, I let him shower first and slept a little longer! And we headed off to the ultrasound. All went well and we were out of there by 8:15am. The results should be at my doc's in a week, so I'll call then and see what she says. It was actually a pretty relaxing procedure....almost felt like a massage, except on the tummy, where massage isn't really done! It wasn't painful at all, just a little uncomfortable when she pressed on the tender areas!

I kept thinking.....please don't find a baby in there! How silly...but it is the stigma that goes along with ultrasounds!

Thanks for your prayers! And thank-you Lord that you are our Healer!

Tomorrow morning, bright and early my hubbie is bringing me to the hospital for an ultrasound. No, no, we are NOT having a baby. It is not THAT kind of reason for an ultrasound.

Yes, it still is an abdomenal ultrasound, but it is for other reasons. I have been having stomach issues the last few months. I've been nausous on an off since July and have had difficulty with stomach pain, often after I eat or while eating. The doctor put me on Ranitidine a month and a bit ago which has been helping a lot! Ranitidine is a pill that reduces the amount of acid going on in the stomach...I think that is how to explain it in simple terms. It is a antiulcer or proton pump inhibitor...if my memory serves me right!

The doctor doesn't know what it is that is bothering me but has thrown out the terms ulcer, gallstones, gall bladder problems, etc. This ultrasound is supposed to inform us of what could be bothering me!

I look forward to finding a cause for my uncomfortable symptoms! So, please say a prayer for me and my tummy!

So my last semester of school starts tomorrow.....

I'm actually looking forward to going back to university tomorrow. I shouldn't say actually because I tend to look forward to the return each semester. That is a serious blessing to enjoy the idea of going back to school each and every semester. Now, don't talk to me about that around March...because that tends to be the worst school month of year! It is the month when I feel the most "I'm going crazy and this semester is far too long already" emotions!

I think I'm excited about this semester because it is unlike any of the others in the last 2 and a half years of nursing. It is going to feel like University 1 again! I don't have any clinical, just one class in the nursing building and the rest second year electives! Bring it on! It sounds like a lot of reading, but I can probably fake it in the tests......or so I'm hoping...without doing all the readings! At least that worked in University 1!

The main reason for excitement though is the end of the degree is right around the corner! This semester I'll find out where I get to do my senior practicum! I really hope that I get my first choice...which will be Labor and Delivery at St.B......so I'm praying! If you think of me....please pray that I get placed there! That would be so perfect!

I could say much more, but I must go and shower because we were at the gym today......That pretty much explains itself! But I think I'm really going to feel it tomorrow! I don't remember the last time I worked with weights....even if they were only 5 pounds ones!