Week 1 and I'm a survivor!

I survived! Shane has been off base for long hours each day doing the Immerse program through the International House of Prayer with the rest of our team here in Kansas City (except myself and another mom). It was pretty crazy to jump right into transition and have my husband gone all day, when that is very different than our normal has been.

It has been such a blessing to have Shane at home with me for the last number of months. Though sometimes it was a little awkward to figure out working from home, having his presence with us, was awesome. I think of the many daddies out there who leave early in the morning, work all day and come home to briefly see their kids before they go to sleep. The quality time pretty much happens on the weekends. Shane has been soooo lucky to have been a part of the day-to-day, behind the scenes parts of Noah’s first few months. Not many dads get that honor and privilege and I think it has made Shane an even better dad and an even better man to parent with.

Thinking again of the amount we’ve been apart this week…..Shane has never been away from Noah this much and he sure missed him this week. I don’t remember when Shane and I have been a part this many hours in a week. Sometime prior to our time in Kona back in 2010! I missed him and I appreciate the last few months even more =)

So, I survived! Yay! Thankfully, when the Discipleship Training School schedule is busy, he will be still around home on the base so Noah and I can be a part of things or come and go as needed. This week was a special circumstance but wow….what a way to hit the ground running!

I cried a lot this week. I prayed a lot. I rocked my baby a lot. I checked my ipod for texts from Shane a lot. I thought a lot. And I had to lean on the Lord a lot.

My emotions were all over the place this week, with the yo-yo effect. I felt overwhelmed. Then I felt perspective and grace. I felt despair. Then I felt hope. I felt frustrated and angry. Then I felt peace and tenderness.

There were hard parts and there were really good parts about this week. Sadly, my cutie pie has not been feeling well since we arrived. Teething to coughing to a runny nose to fussiness has made for trying times for this mama. But, those smiles, laughs and coos, melt my heart and I love so many things about that little guy. We’ve never had so much time alone, just the two of us come to think of it. We got to settle down in our new home, figure out many different attempts at what works best in our new sleeping/napping arrangements and explore the campus.

Noah discovered trees and loves watching the leaves. We saw a turtle on the road. We sat on the grass (until I discovered chiggers!). We played on the blanket a lot every day. Noah chewed on toys. Noah started rolling like crazy. We went to the prayer room. We got to see a few friends too =)

I did a whole bunch of things that I’ve worked so hard not to do over the last 4.5 months. And that’s ok. I’ve rocked my boy to sleep. A lot. I’ve fed him to sleep. I’ve napped with him.

And the Lord is meeting me. He is sustaining me. I’m in need of a little refreshment after such a crazy 8 days and I’m looking forward to soaking in all that I can in the church service tomorrow morning. I have probably prayed and leaned into the Lord more than I have in a long time because it’s just me, Him and Noah for many hours. And since there have been challenges, I’ve had to cry out to Him. He has been with me. He is teaching me and I think He has special things in store for me.

I don’t think this next chapter of my life is going to be boring. My prayer this week has been that the Lord would speak to me about my purpose and vision in this next season. Not as a wife. Not as a mother. But as me. Kristi. And what He has in store for my heart. He’s already whispering and I’m getting little inklings. I’m looking forward to what He has to say…

Seasons of change...

Much has been happening for our little family in the last few weeks! Shane and I are excited to have some open doors in going south for an indefinite amount of time to help out with Call2All! We are presently down in Kansas City for 19 days of training, returning home for a month and then heading back down here to participate in the June Intimacy 2 Impact Discipleship Training School!

If time allows, I think getting back into blogging would be a great outlet for me! Becoming a mom has been quite the adjustment and now figuring out how to be a mom, wife, woman, lover of Jesus, and so much more in a new environment, far from my friends, family and my “normal” is a big adjustment! The reality of the hugeness of this jump is becoming more and more real over the last 5 days since we got here. There are parts I’m excited about and parts where the sacrifice feels very real.

The new environment, home, noises and schedule have been a bit daunting. We have a 2-bedroom apartment back home, where we’ve lived since Shane and I got married almost 8 years ago. I always hoped that the next step would be a house of our own! Well, I had a little cry when I found out not long ago that we were coming to a 1-bedroom apartment. In my head I worked it out by figuring we’d give Noah the bedroom and we’d sleep in the living room. Now that we’re here, putting our bed in the living room just isn’t practical for enjoying our living space, so we are adjusting to living in a bedroom with all 3 of us.

I’m getting a taste of missionary living with children. My little one naps and begins the night on a little bed that I’ve made for him with a blanket laid out on the floor of the walk-in closet, with his lion, Leo, from home whom he likes to talk to when going to sleep. It’s taking a little getting used to crawling into bed at night, knowing that my baby is sleeping in the same room as us. We haven’t done that since he moved to his crib at 1 month old. When he wakes to feed in the middle of the night, I take him to the living room and feed him on the love seat before transferring him into the pack and play, which is set up in the living room. It doesn’t fit in the closet. There he sleeps until morning. It was a little tender to my mommy heart the first few days putting my beautiful baby to sleep on the floor of a closet. The ache of the sacrifice felt real for me in that moment.

Thinking that this is a longer arrangement then just 19 days has been a little overwhelming at moments. How do we all live and sleep in the same room as a family? I think of all the families during our DTS that did it and wonder how they did. Our school leader, Debbie, has comforted me, telling me that it will only get easier. They’ve done it with their 2 kids in many different housing situations.

Then today, I got a touch of encouragement and perspective. Noah and I were “shopping” down the hall from our place in the newly forming boutique (the place where you can take stuff that other’s drop off…like a free Good Will store). On our way back, I said hi to a guy washing the walls in the hallway. I’m glad I did =) I went on to learn that he and his wife are hoping to move to the base and I believe they are the ones that the other 2-bedroom apartment is being saved for. I sure have wanted that 2 bedroom. They have been living in a 1-bedroom apartment for the last 1.5 years. And get this. They have 4 children between the ages of 9 months and 5 years. That is some serious perspective. I confessed that I’ve been having a tough time thinking of living in a 1-bedroom with 1 child and asked him how they do it with 4 children and 2 adults in one bedroom. He gave me some practical tips and shared the joys that have come as a family from the experience. He said that he is actually going to miss it when they aren’t together in the same room.

My heart left encouraged. This isn’t impossible. God will make a way. Not only will we survive but we’ll flourish. Noah and I pray for our day and invite Jesus into it every morning. As part of our prayer, we ask that the Lord would cause love to abound in our home and hearts with one another. This may be an opportunity that will cause just that.