Interesting......just went to check out the website of Dalhousie University in Halifax. I'm impressed. Strangely, I reacted in an emotional way. I began to read about the university, the med program and took the virtual tour, and almost cried (but the tears didn't fall....they just welled up in my eyes). There is some part of me that just must have always held on to my dream of being an MD throughout my childhood and teen years. On one hand I think maybe. On the other, I think probably not. I just don't know. I don't want to limit myself according to time, money and fear. Nursing at the U of M is totally manageable, but it still is tough at times and requires a lot of work. I get super frustrated with my brain. I have learnt the system. I can study the day or two before a huge exam and ace it.....not remembering any of the information the next day. That is so frustrating because I want to really know my stuff and be able to put all the pieces together! So, I feel that my marks say that I'm smart, but my actual amount of knowledge sucks. The idea of going through another 4 year program, that is even more intense, freaks me out a little. I know that I could do it, but being scared holds me back a little. It is interesting because I'm only 21 and somehow have this idea that I don't have enough time left to do another degree! What is that all about! I think it's about finishing nursing, letting Shane do his thing at University too (it is only fair!), and then eventually wanting kids. Boy, that's the biggest part to schedule in...children. Though, they don't always get "scheduled" in! We are just going to have to be super careful and rest in the fact that God has a supreme plan that is above ours! I also totally desire to do missions with my life. I know that nursing or medicine will open huge doors to help out in places around the world. It just getting to that place where that's possible that seems to take so long. I'll just have to steal away two weeks out of the year and help out somewhere....and take my hubbie with me! Well, that's all that's on my mind at this moment.....a lot to think about which totally wasn't on my mind half and hour ago before I decided to check out Dalhousie! And hey, another interesting fact....they only take 84 students per year and only 8 are from parts of Canada other than the Maritimes. That's not very many!
Well, now I'm going to switch gears and clean my room, paint my nails, eat, shower, do some wedding stuff and go to the mall to get the car and do some errands! I don't know what I can really do in the next month to plan for the wedding. Most of the big things are done...and the little stuff has to wait until we are closer to the big day! But, before I go back to the U January 5, I want to get a bunch done!
Have a great day all!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! I'm in a happy mood! Just finished my last class (kinda) of the year 2003. Just one more spanish class next week and 3 exams! I skipped the very end of the class this morning because it is SOOOOO BORRRRINGGGGG!!! And to my dismay, I found out a second ago that the course I transfered into this week, has the same prof!! I'm going to absolutely die!! Oh, well, I get a lot of homework done in her classes because it is so boring and dry!
Today is grocery shopping day! That's exciting because when the appartment has food it feels like Christmas! My mother is coming on over for supper! I'm going to make some yummy tacos!
It is also house cleaning day! I don't remember the last time that it was house cleaning day! We aren't letting any visitors in the appartment, because it's slightly embarassing! I just have zero motivation to work at a clean house and I really don't care when it is messy. How will I solve this problem??.......ahhh!!! Maid service! That would be perfect!
A bunch of us (Christina, some buds from nursing, and such) are going to a church service tonight. I'm looking forward to it, and to the potential of going out with peers afterwards! Boy, I'm pretty holy this week! (ha ha) 3 services in a matter of 4 days! That's a record!

Hello everyone! I'm happy today! I just got home from church....which I enjoyed! Not that that is unusual! I think I'll go again tonight! I love worship times....and I like to show up at the community meeting stuff, even though after 4 or 5 years of attending WCV I am not officially a member! I hope that God really provides for the finances that WCV is needing at this time! Jesus, please provide!
OK, on a totally different note....you know those kind of people, both male and female that give off a certain vibe? It is like a "sexual-tension"-type vibe (in the words of my dear Jeanetta and Ulmer!). Maybe they struggle with the opposite sex, are fairly desperate, or are just simply horney, but they give off a vibe. You know, I just gotta say, "Talk to the ring!". Boy, some emotional and spiritual things are extremely evident. I wonder what kind of things we all give off? I'm sure that some parts of our all of our personalities are visible. So, I wonder what people, especially the ones that don't know me, see in me......it is interesting to think about (without making it a fear of man thing). Just being aware that people in the world are watching and you really are representing Somebody. I sure hope that I'm doing a good job!

Friends are incredible. Don't you think? What would we do without them? My wonderful, Christina and I went out for supper at Pine Ridge Hollow yesterday night to celebrate our birthdays. Mine was in October and hers is in December, so we thought we'd celebrate in November. We got all dressed up! I looked like I was ready to go to a Christmas Ball! I wore a nice greenish Christmas dress, put my hair up all funky, put on make-up (which I extremely rarely do) and shaved my legs! We spent 2 and a half hours there! Just eating, drinking warm drinks and chatting about anything and everything. This season of life is tough but exciting. We are in that time where the options are unlimited and there are big question marks about direction.....since there are so many options. We love to dream and plan about the future! I'm so blessed in my friendships! My lovely roomie has become one of my very closest friends in the whole wide world! She knows me so well! I love her dearly and you know, when we have to part from the same household in June, I'm going to be really sad. I have loved this rooomate thing.......We pinky-swore last night that we have to stay forever friends and at least call each other every other week, from whereever we end up in this big world! That's a friendship that I definitely will not lose! She is far too precious!

Well, it is time to update! I wrote a blog the other day and it disappeared! Oh well! I had such a nice time with the gals from WCV at Earl's on wednesday! It would be great to do that monthly! I really enjoy getting to know you all better! You learn something new about someone every time! I'm blessed by the fact that regardless of where we all are in life, we can find a level to connect on. Many of you (that are reading this from WCV) are moms and wives. I'm not quite a wife...but almost!....and not mom, but a student, but we still can connect! I love it!
Caution: the next part may be hard for some of you.......re: cancer.
On thursday, I spent the day following the chemo nurse around. The first patient we talked to in the morning, had me crying. He was just verbally processing what he was going through, counting his blessings and expressing how sad he is. My heart just broke as he shared his story. He said "In july I was walking 4 miles 4 times a week and now, november, I can even get up....". He was saying what a wonderful marriage he has had and processing the plan of care up to the end. It is so sad to see what cancer steals. Another women I cared for this week is a 26 year old mother of three. She wants to get married at Christmas, but beyond a complete, supernatural miracle she may not even see next week. I have never seen death like I see it in her. She is hardly visible she is so malnourished and when I was finished washing her up, I had her hair all over my uniform because she is lossing all of it. I transfered her from the bed to a wheelchair so that she could take a walk with her mom and dad. I got her to give me a big hug so that I could lift her and pivot her from the bed to the chair. She was so fragile and she is to the point where it is even difficult for her to speak. That makes me so sad. I am thankful that my heart is still soft enough that I can feel and cry for these people. I hope that I never get so immune to pain and suffering that I can't see people for who they really are and see them through the eyes of Jesus. It is interesting because I really could see myself working in this area. Cancer is mysterious and strange to me. The people that I have gotten to work with throughout my clinical and those that I saw on thursday throughout the hospital, are incredible. Their journeys, their stories, their strength is amazing. I have learnt so much about life through these people. I am really looking forward to my palliative rotation next year. I think it might be the hardest emotionally, but the most rewarding and character-building.
Prayer request.....a friend of mine is needing a lot of prayer right now. She is having serious marital problems, and needs God's provision, comfort, healing and to know her invaluable worth. Thanks.

OK things are looking up. The storm has passed and things are getting better. Shane and I had coffee with a caterer in Steinbach last evening and it went so well! We are going to be getting a fabulous meal.....and cheesecake with fresh strawberries for dessert that I'm very excited about!......for an awesome price! Since we limited our guest list a bit and are getting an incredible price for plates, things are going to work out! Boy, that can take a lot of stress off! Talking and planning with someone other than just myself, or Shane, makes me excited and brings the reality of the wedding to life! Wow! It's actually going to happen for real! And just this past week we passed the 7 month mark! Wow baby! Thank-you for your prayers and please continue!

Yesterday night, I went with my baby sis to see Brian Doerksen's concert. It was great! I really really like that guy's music! In the midst of feeling overwhelmed and kinda afraid of the outcome of hard times, I was reminded intimately and personally again that God is faithful and his invitation to me is to trust. I felt God speaking to me and it caused me to cry throughtout parts of the evening. Again my heart was ruined for missions and the precious people in other places. Canadian Food for the Hungry is part of this tour and again they pulled on the strings of my heart that hold passion for others in this world. I want to go away again, SO BADLY!!!! I saw many pictures of children from Africa, and my desire to go to Africa remains strong. But you know, I never would have guessed it, but when God switched the trip from Kenya to El Salvador this summer, he, in the process, made me fall in love with Central America. I am ruined. As soon as we can afford it and have this wedding thing finished, I want to sponser a child with Shane! My sis did yesterday and her little guy is absolutely adorable!!!
So, God spoke to me again in his still small voice (and used Brian's!) to remind me that this life here on earth is a once in a lifetime thing. It is our one invitation to trust. It is our only chance to live and to risk. That really puts some things into perspective. It makes me want to plan certain things about my future a little differently. I want to spend my life on my Jesus.
So, I carried these thoughts with me to clinical today. I had a patient who is 97 years old and having a tough time with the reason that he is in the hospital. He's not doing so well. I had the priviledge of feeding him some breakfast this morning. As I stood beside his bed and slowly tried to encourage him to eat, I felt another eternal moment. I held his hand for a bit, gave his bald head a little rub and prayed over him. I prayed silently but I prayed that God would capture his heart and that this man would know the Lord. I prayed that God would take him at the right time, because he has lived a long life already and so at this point, leaving this world just might be ok. When I talked with him and held his hand, he began to cry. I think he was in some pain, but I think a little compassion is what brought those tears that specific time. I hope that his heart was ministered to, even though he may not have cognitively understood the things going on around him very well.

OK.....all you married people out there, some advice please! How do you manage financial stress, enjoying every moment of planning your wedding and conflicts that arise? I'm having a tough time enjoying myself these days because the $$$ for the wedding is so tight. It really brings such a burden on. I am totally thankful that Shaner is taking the financial load of it (otherwise a wedding would be impossible), but that creates stress as well. I can't be working all the time to make money to pay for the wedding, because school is really time and energy consuming. I hate feeling the way I do when I'm not in control of making my own money to pay for things. I don't want to be dependent on Shane's bank account to pay for the wedding......baaaa humbug. I'm trying not to cry because I'm in the computer lab at the University and would rather not burst out in tears in front of the computer. We have very many ideas and strategies to reduce the cost of the wedding, but something else has got to give in order for this to be fun and not entirely stressful! I get a miracle and a lot of prayer is what we need. Please pray for us!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! WEDDINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Jesus help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again I am forgetting to post at days at a time! That's ok though, because I don't want my life to revolve around the internet! Time away keeps me healthy!
I had a good weekend. Actually it was fairly full for feeling quite anti-social. I just was wanting to veg all weekend and didn't really have a lot to say to people. Regardless, I ended up hanging out with a wack-load of friends and my family. Shane and I went to see the carterer in Steinbach, so we are figuring out exactly what we want. I've also been playing with the idea of just doing the dessert thing, even though I really would like a full meal deal. See, we went to the Brick yesterday and found a bedroom set and living room set we absolutely adore! Now we weigh the goodies.....a bedroom or living room set that we would be happy with everyday and that would last us forever.....or feed our friends and family one meal? It seems ridiculous to spend the money on one meal! So, we continue to play with ideas! But, the caterer we chatted with would do a great job and she is trying to work within our budget.
We also got to finalize a photographer for the wedding! Our very own Jason Epp has taken up the challenge! It will be so fun! That little Epp family is becoming a big part of the wedding! Cherish and Judah are our flower girl and ring bear and my dear Loraleigh is doing the prayer of blessing for me! They all have a part! I'm happy!
I decided this weekend to stop dancing with XCo. I absolutely love the team, the workout and the new forms of dance that I was starting to learn, but the timing and season is just too busy! You know when you make a hard decision that makes you sad, yet relieved? I'm feeling that. I still want to be apart of the team and get the exercise, but fridays and sundays are usually the days that Shane and I can see each other and get wedding appointments done, so a 2 and a half practice every sunday afternoon, was really conflicting. It's sad but it's the right thing right now. Just because I'm not being trained in a class, doesn't mean I can't dance up a storm at home or at church! I will survive!
Chris and I have a coffee/study date tonight! I'm looking forward to that and so will go now, and finish some of my readings for my next class!
Have a great day all!