Well, I'm back home from my little visit to see my fam. It went a lot better than I was fearing! Thank goodness! I was really worried about the heaviness of the boys leaving and the sadness it brings. My mom and I had a great talk on the ride to Mitchell and I explained the feeling of responsibilty about ruining their lives. My mom said somethings to me that were what I needed to hear. She explained that it is the season to make this step (I agree), it will be so good for our family (I agree) and such. The part that I really needed to hear was that for her, to keep from feeling so responsible, she reminds her that she's not the one who drank alcohol and damaged these boys in utero, she didn't make the choices that caused them to be in foster care and the time that they have spent at our house has been very good for them. This "don't take responsibility for others choices" theme is reoccuring these days...hmmmm...... Anyways the visit was better than I thought, because my mom told the older boy who is 3 years old last friday. Since then he has on a few occasions cried big aligator tears and said "I don't want to leave my home!". Hearing this made me so sad! But when I got home yesterday, he said to my mom "Am I going to my new home yet?", and since last night, he has spoke of his new home multiple times and how my mom is going to miss him. It is such a hard, sad process, but I have more peace knowing that the older one is processing, slowly adjusting and God will take care and protect these boys, holding them in His hand. I can rest in that. The little one is so mentally damaged from the effects of alcohol that he really doesn't understand any of it. FAS angers me. I've seen its effects in so many lives and to know that it is completely, 100% preventable, makes me so angry. So many lives........