I'm being stirred up.....and I think I may spin off into the heavens.....

"And I will sing the songs that awaken the dawn,
And I will usher in your appearing,
It's your face that I crave,
And it's your presence that I long for....."

On my walk to back to work this afternoon, I listened to Misty Edwards, a worship leader from Kansas City IHOP (on cd). I thought I may lift off the earth with the feeling that surrounded me. I had such a strong desire to dance on the sidewalk, but was quickly on my way back to work, that my arm was making circles beside me.....if my whole body couldn't dance at that moment, my arm was going to anyways!

I haven't blogged about my time in Kansas City yet, because I haven't had the words, or the time to sit and type. I don't know how to sum it all up. As seems to be the common theme of bloggers that went to IHOP, I am having a difficult time articulating as well!

I am challenged with the revelation of Jesus Christ.
I am overcome with the emotion that He can bring.
I am being drawn on a divine romance.
I am fascinated with the One I'm following.
I am so very curious about all the many facets of Jesus that I don't yet know.
My box of organization and control has once again been shaken.
I feel like my perspective has again been enlarged.
I feel like I've had a bit of fresh revelation of our Redeemer and Saviour.
I want to feed on the Word.
I want to medidate on the Scripture.
I want to study about our history, our present and our future as Saints.
I want to learn to sing the songs of the Lord.
I desire to flow in the Holy Spirit in a greater measure.

I really received a lot from the "meetings" we had with a few IHOPers. I was challenged to consider the future, the second coming of Jesus and being prepared. I was drawn to learn more about a fasted lifestyle. I was reminded of the gift that tongues can be. I enjoyed our time as a team, especially the fun moments and the intense 2 am prayer and prophetic times! I loved that! I felt a whole lot of anticipation about the present and the future. I feel excitement over were I am at and going and where our church is at and going as well!

There is so much I could say, and all the while, so little. So, more may leak out in the next few days...weeks.

"Take me with you. Come, let's run!" (Song of Songs 1:4)

Tomorrow....well, technically thursday....we leave for Kansas City....

My brain is thinking tomorrow night we leave....but it is technically an hour or two after wednesday is over and thursday has begun. I'm starting to think of what to pack and how to limit what I bring! I sure learned that the hard way on our honeymoon! Boy, did we have to pay extra on Sunquest Airlines for my stupid suitcase! That totally sucked!

I have a little prayer request for you all! I had this awful experience in junior high on the way home from camp. I had to pee so badly that I was bawling in the back of the bus. I even waddled to the front to beg the bus driver to let me pee in the bush (which is VERY unlike me! I don't like peeing in places other than the toilet generally!). He just would NOT stop for me and I think I'm realizing that that experience has had some lasting effects. I was thinking about the 14 hour (or whatever it is) drive that we have ahead of us....and started to internally panic yesterday night! I think it should be fine.....we are driving with people that care about not damaging one another.....but I'm still a little nervous!

Here are some of my ideas amidst the panic:
1. buy some depends for the trip and go whenever I have to
2. bring along a child's potty and just go in the van....in front of the rest of the van members....when nature calls!
3. this one is not a joke...i'm planning on doing it.....dehydrate myself all day wednesday and thursday so that I have less to eliminate!

So, yes, it is amazing the phobias that you may realize at different points in your life! Guess I need some prayer for this one!

Off for a drive I go....

I'm quickly showering and packing and then Shaner and I are off to Grand Forks for the night! It should be a nice time! Shane's work does their Christmas party quite late...after Christmas. So, this weekend is the end of the Christmas parties in a way! They are paying for our hotel room, with a king-size bed! And they are taking us all out for a nice dinner tonight! I think it should be a fun time! And the weather makes for a bright and fun day to be travelling.

So, sorry we won't be seeing you church-people tomorrow morning! Keep up the pressing in while we are gone....and we'll be back to worship with you at Encounter God Night tomorrow!

Adios amigos!

Thoughts in a student brain when taking multiple choice exams:

1. Will that guy beside me breathe with his mouth CLOSED so that I can finish my test without passing out!?!
2. Hmmm.....I've noticed the last 10 questions have all been D....should I throw in a different letter?
3. Boy, I wish I had some spare kleenex on me to offer to the guy beside me...
4. Which letter haven't I picked in a while?
5. Boy....if I go fast enough, this could be my best time yet! Out of here in record time!

Finished the tests of February! I am done....except for a few classes today.....for about 2 weeks! Holidays here I come! And no more boring study nights at home Shaner! Thanks for your patience!

Lalalalalalala................

Today...let's see, what can I say about today?
Well, for the most part today was good.....but I had my hour or two by myself (thankfully) of pissed-offness. It is a rare day that I feel generally pived but today was the day. A bag of M & Ms, prayer and studying to get my mind off of stupid annoyances seemed to help! Probably less effective than simply praying.....but I had to ignore my feelings a bit in order to focus on studying!

Tomorrow I write my last test of February! Yipee! Tomorrow is the last day of school before Reading Week........which means no school, but a few more days of work, Grand Forks, celebrating my sister's birthday, and the trip to Kansas City! I haven't had much brain time to think about the KC trip. I hope to generate some excitement about it in the next few days. I didn't realize that it crept up so fast!!!

I'm studying Abnormal Psych in the midst of writing this blog......so that I'm being productive at the same time. See my sleepy hubbie went to bed super early!!!! And I had to resist going to bed with him and made myself stay up to study.....but here I am!!!

So, I really should finish going through these notes for the second time and hop into my already-warm bed! I'm missing out on sleeping time........

Becoming a little braindead....

I spent tonight studying for thursday's test. Today I had 2 tests and tomorrow I have a paper due! Boy oh boy, everything in one week! But I'm surviving and it is almost over! And then is Reading Week and the trip to Kansas City! I can't believe it crept up on me like that! Oh...but first Shane and I are going to Grand Forks for a night this weekend! Such fun awaits me in the next few weeks!

But, for the best news of all.......
The tenative placements for senior practicum have been posted....
I got my first choice!!!!!......
St.Boniface Labor and Delivery (both high risk and LDRP)......
It has been confirmed by the agency (which didn't have to happen until April)......
So, it isn't tenative anymore.......
There was only one spot and more than one student wanted it......
And I WAS HONORED WITH THE SPOT.......

THANK-YOU JESUS! ONE STEP CLOSER TO FULFILLING MY DREAMS!!!!

I'm a little nervous.....

Well, I just printed off my second last official term paper of my degree! I'm a little nervous about handing it in though. See, it is all about my philosophy of nursing. I had quite the time trying to sum up what I think, because there are so many aspects to it!

Well, this is what I decided on...."nursing is an avenue to reveal Christ's love, serve others and impact the lives of those around me".

Well, I'm a little nervous to hand in my paper because it is all about Jesus and my personal beliefs. I'm not afraid to share them, I just hope that he considers my concepts as "professional" and related to the syllabus guidelines. So, here it goes! It is printed and I'm going to hand the sucker in! My prof....or his grader...will read all about Jesus and His love!! That's kinda cool!

Good morning all!

Just a note.....I have a 35% test at 1pm this afternoon....so wanna say a little prayer? I'm feeling pretty good about the material....I even skipped out on studying last night and instead went to church. So, just thought I'd mention it!

So, I was thinking about the cancer-related parts of my dream last night.

Interestingly enough, we took a little time at church tonight to pray about healing and certain specific people in our church with related prayer requests. I wonder if the disease-related theme to my dream correlated with the healing theme that was briefly touched on this evening. Perhaps I just need to be praying about the area of healing! I want more faith for it and more authority to walk in it! Heck, I'm in a healing profession! Boy, would that be great if God did great miracles through my hands in my career! It is not my hands that are significant, but I would love to see God blow people away before my eyes in the hospital, outside the walls of church or in a typical "spiritual" setting! May it be Lord!

I think I see a theme....

When I have good times with the Lord, or evenings that directly have to do with Him, I have a night of bad dreams lately. Thursday nights are housegroup nights....for the past few weeks, thursday night is the night of bad dreams. I few weeks back I had a frightening dream and woke up in the midst of it. I pulled the blanket a little higher because I really felt that if I looked to the edge of my bed, something dark was sitting there and staring at me very intensely and closely. So, instead I just pulled the blanket a little higher and went back to sleep.

Since this week is the fast at church, Shane and I have been trying to make it out to the evening prayer/worship times. So far so good. I even skipped out on swimming lesson last night! In the eternal scheme of things, missing one swimming lesson is just fine in comparison to what God could be doing through these nights, whether or not we visibly see the effects at this point.

Yesterday was a pretty tough night at church. It was hard to press in and it had a strange feeling. Kinda like a funeral. But, we were obedient and we pressed through. God is good and He is faithful. He wanted us to pray for a reason and we don't know in our humanness what kind of power came from our obedience last night. That is the exciting hope when it feels tough and dry! I left actually feeling quite good. Normally after a tough night, you can leave feeling like that was pointless and frustrating. But last night felt a little different to me. It felt like a good instruction in spiritual discipline. I felt that it was part of the maturing process in following the Lord and learning what my role is in His army. I want to continue to learn this, regardless of how things feel! And be obedient, even if I would rather not be!

So, God doing good stuff last night.......bad dreams followed. I had a huge fight with my dad, my mom got cancer but wouldn't get a lot of medical treatment to help her, and someone else from our church had cancer and was going to die within a few days/hours. I was on my way somewhere else and had to catch my plane at 7pm. I had quickly wanted to stop by this house/country resort where my mom and the other lady with cancer were living. My sister was staying there with my mom. I wanted to speak with these ladies and pray with them before I left. Good-byes and closure are always so tough for me. Everything was going wrong about this trip. I left the house/resort much later than I should have. I took the wrong set of keys. The car wouldn't even start...in the middle of summer, it was sort of flooding with water. I still had to drive 40 minutes to pick up my luggage at the time I was already supposed to be at the airport. Things just continued to go wrong. Finally, I resolved that I wasn't going to catch that plane and I wasn't going on my trip. I was full of emotion with these dreams. I'm surprised I didn't wake up crying...which I occasionally have done.

Oh Lord, what are you up to? Things are really being stirred up!

Just a little note from my abnormal psych textbook:

"Thinness bias is pervasive in the United States and many other countries. The average American woman is 5'4" tall and weighs 140 pounds, while the average American female model is 5'11" tall and weighs 117 pounds".

No wonder our precious daughters, sisters, mothers, friends, cousins, etc are battered with low self-esteem and struggling with worth and value. The general public does not look at the average person, but compares people to these anorexic models.

Perhaps we should intercede and stand in the gap for those who struggle with eating disorders and issues of value. Lord, would each of your precious creation know of their worth and the feelings you have for each of us!

This afternoon I finally connected with a nursing recruiter. We have been playing phone tag since before Christmas, and we finally were both on the line!

I was just beginning to take a nap when she called. I quickly got the phone and chatted with her before going back to bed for my wonderful nap that I had been dreaming about all day! Well, my wonderful nap wasn't so restful...I managed to stay in bed for a while, but I don't think I actually slept!

Now there is a little bit in info on my mind and heart. The recruiter told me the details of the process of getting down to the USA and the states that have new grad programs. It sounds pretty good, but the process is pretty costly up front. Generally the signing bonuses cover the whole process....but you first have to pay for it all! The kinda exciting, kinda scarey part was when she said, " IF ALL WORKS OUT YOU COULD BE RELOCATED BY CHRISTMAS!!!!". That kinda freaked me out! That is this year! It seems like such a long process to go through....but it is possible that it would be worked out within a few short months.

I have no idea what we will do. I cannot fortell the future. I don't know if I will get my practicum placement where I want it. I do not know if they will offer me a job here in Winnipeg. I don't know if God will lead us to the USA. I have no idea which state He would want us in. I don't know how the timing would work out. I don't know where the initial money would come from. I don't know if we will even go.

I'm excited about what God is doing and going to do here in Winnipeg. Yes, I would love to escape our winters and misquitos, and experience life in a different place for a short period of time. But, I like where I live now. I like my family being nearby, my good old friends, my church, my housegroup, even my little appartment. I don't know if I want to leave that all.....I'm so excited about the stirrings of the Lord in my life and in our church at this present time. I want to stay and be in on what exciting things are in store!

So, these are my thoughts today....a little apprehensive...but not stressed....and a little excited...where could we possibly be going?

School's done for the day, and I'm a happy camper!

I am so sleepy lately! I was doing "the bob" in multiple classes today, and even at work yesterday afternoon! This is not a good thing!

Tonight I am having my mom and siblings over for supper! I am making lasagna....and we are having carrot cake that I made for dessert! How domestic! My youngest foster brother, Tyler, is leaving on friday and I wanted to be able to have an official good-bye so there is that aspect of closer for me. I am big on closure. Even if I don't know the baby THAT well, I still want to say good-bye. I think he was born in august....so he's about 5 months already! And what a little cutie!

I'm contemplating a nap before I get cooking....but here I am....wasting valuable sleeping time!
I must go!

Mmmmm......to sleep in! I had the pleasure of sleeping in this morning until 10am! It was wonderful! Strangely, I'm still feeling fairly tired and feel like I could have slept another few hours! Yesterday in my first class I was actually doing the head-bob and my eyes were dancing their way to the back of my head! I usually don't have this problem! It really does suck when you are trying to listen and take notes and you can barely keep your eyes open!

I went swimming last night! For those of you who don't know, I'm taking swimming lessons at the Y! Yesterday night was my second lesson! I think I'm doing pretty good and I'm starting to like the water a little more! I've learned a bunch of floats, glides and the back crawl. The back crawl is what I'm trying to master now! I even went into the deep end and back crawled the whole length of the pool! It may not seem like much, but it is a start on learning how to swim!

Have a great day all you fishes! I'm off to get ready for school! It is my nice late day with only one class....though it is one of the worst ones! I will keep a good attitude! Last week, I shouted out an answer in class and earned myself a coffee! See this prof gives coffee questions and if you give him the answer he wants, he gives you a coffee! I got one! Bye!

.....feeling a little cranky......

You know those days? People are kinda getting on my nerves more than usual. I hate when this happens! Maybe my hormones are jumping around a little today.

I seem to have a hard time forgetting and letting go. I tend to get hurt and offended fairly easily. See, I'm good at CHOOSING to forgive, but it is really hard for me to let the feelings go. I make the choice a million times, release the person in my mind and hopefully heart.....but still have a while of funny feelings a lot of the time. I really hate this part of myself. Why can't I just forget things easily? Why can't they slide off my back like it works for some others? I don't want to be one that is easily emotionally affected by others. I don't want others to have that power over me.

Poopy....I hate those days.....

I think I froze.....and I kinda wanted to cry.....

Not the greatest last hour and a half of my life. I plan on doing a minimal amount of venting, so if anyone doesn't want to hear it, close this window now! Trying not to complain but just express my frustration.

I missed my bus in order to stop by the doctor's office after class to find out the results from the ultrasound last week. Well, good and bad news, I'm completely normal! I was somewhat hoping that they would find something wrong with me so that they could fix it! Well, all abdomenal organs are perfectly fine. I left feeling fairly frustrated and somewhat wanting to cry. I am behind square one in figuring out my stomach issues! Very frustrating!

Then, with that news, and the buses I had missed, I ended up waiting for 35 minutes outside in the -45 degree weather for a bus to get home! I thought I'd brave the weather and walked about 10 minutes, until I could no longer feel my forehead. Then I hibernated in a bus shelter for the remaining 25 minutes. I have issues that I could talk to Winnipeg Transit about!

So, to turn around the negative sound of this post.....what are the positives?
-I have healthy organs
-I could have had to wait for the bus and the doctor even longer!
-It could be much colder out there
-I had a nice old man to talk to in the bus shelter about his love for history
-I could have had to wait without a bus shelter
-At least I had gloves and a scarf
-The bus was warm once I got in it for the few minute ride that I needed
-Now I'm home in my fairly warm appartment....and because I'm the only here, I can crank the heat as much as I want right now!

Stay warm out there!

I thought of something the other day in a way that I haven't really thought of before.

I am a calendar girl! Ok....not in the way that you may be thinking! I do not pose nude for anybody's camera! Instead, I mean that I love scheduling and my calendar! I get excited about upcoming events, I like to count down until special days and plan events in advance. Sometimes this enjoyment is a blessing, sometime it isn't! I have to keep it balanced and allow God to use the gifting!

But, the revelation I got was that I should look forward to what God is doing in my life the same way I look forward to exciting upcoming events in the physical realm. Yes, I know that God is always moving, but I guess I subconsciously begin to think that each day is somewhat the same and such. GOD IS BIGGER THAN THAT! I need to anticipate what He is going to do next! I have the right to get excited about what He is going to do today, tomorrow and next week! I can look forward to new and exciting things happening! And I bet you I would see more new and exciting things happening in my world if I were looking for them and anticipating them!

You know that exciting feeling that you get over things that are coming up in life that you are looking forward to? I remember the months last year when we were engaged. We were engaged for about 8 months, and each day was exciting when I thought about the upcoming wedding and marriage. I had something VERY exciting to look forward to any moment that I thought about it!

That specific feeling of anticipation is different than just feeling generally happy or content. It is specific and directed at a specific event or time. I want to feel this way about what Jesus is doing in my life and around me, now. Yes, we can feeling generally happy and excited about what God is doing in our world. And that is good. But I want to have that specific excitement and anticipation that is emotionally-charged and present! I want to be specific and intimate, not so general!

Just some thoughts!

Morning all you out there!

So Shane and I arose at a early 6am...well, I let him shower first and slept a little longer! And we headed off to the ultrasound. All went well and we were out of there by 8:15am. The results should be at my doc's in a week, so I'll call then and see what she says. It was actually a pretty relaxing procedure....almost felt like a massage, except on the tummy, where massage isn't really done! It wasn't painful at all, just a little uncomfortable when she pressed on the tender areas!

I kept thinking.....please don't find a baby in there! How silly...but it is the stigma that goes along with ultrasounds!

Thanks for your prayers! And thank-you Lord that you are our Healer!

Tomorrow morning, bright and early my hubbie is bringing me to the hospital for an ultrasound. No, no, we are NOT having a baby. It is not THAT kind of reason for an ultrasound.

Yes, it still is an abdomenal ultrasound, but it is for other reasons. I have been having stomach issues the last few months. I've been nausous on an off since July and have had difficulty with stomach pain, often after I eat or while eating. The doctor put me on Ranitidine a month and a bit ago which has been helping a lot! Ranitidine is a pill that reduces the amount of acid going on in the stomach...I think that is how to explain it in simple terms. It is a antiulcer or proton pump inhibitor...if my memory serves me right!

The doctor doesn't know what it is that is bothering me but has thrown out the terms ulcer, gallstones, gall bladder problems, etc. This ultrasound is supposed to inform us of what could be bothering me!

I look forward to finding a cause for my uncomfortable symptoms! So, please say a prayer for me and my tummy!

So my last semester of school starts tomorrow.....

I'm actually looking forward to going back to university tomorrow. I shouldn't say actually because I tend to look forward to the return each semester. That is a serious blessing to enjoy the idea of going back to school each and every semester. Now, don't talk to me about that around March...because that tends to be the worst school month of year! It is the month when I feel the most "I'm going crazy and this semester is far too long already" emotions!

I think I'm excited about this semester because it is unlike any of the others in the last 2 and a half years of nursing. It is going to feel like University 1 again! I don't have any clinical, just one class in the nursing building and the rest second year electives! Bring it on! It sounds like a lot of reading, but I can probably fake it in the tests......or so I'm hoping...without doing all the readings! At least that worked in University 1!

The main reason for excitement though is the end of the degree is right around the corner! This semester I'll find out where I get to do my senior practicum! I really hope that I get my first choice...which will be Labor and Delivery at St.B......so I'm praying! If you think of me....please pray that I get placed there! That would be so perfect!

I could say much more, but I must go and shower because we were at the gym today......That pretty much explains itself! But I think I'm really going to feel it tomorrow! I don't remember the last time I worked with weights....even if they were only 5 pounds ones!