I think I see a theme....

When I have good times with the Lord, or evenings that directly have to do with Him, I have a night of bad dreams lately. Thursday nights are housegroup nights....for the past few weeks, thursday night is the night of bad dreams. I few weeks back I had a frightening dream and woke up in the midst of it. I pulled the blanket a little higher because I really felt that if I looked to the edge of my bed, something dark was sitting there and staring at me very intensely and closely. So, instead I just pulled the blanket a little higher and went back to sleep.

Since this week is the fast at church, Shane and I have been trying to make it out to the evening prayer/worship times. So far so good. I even skipped out on swimming lesson last night! In the eternal scheme of things, missing one swimming lesson is just fine in comparison to what God could be doing through these nights, whether or not we visibly see the effects at this point.

Yesterday was a pretty tough night at church. It was hard to press in and it had a strange feeling. Kinda like a funeral. But, we were obedient and we pressed through. God is good and He is faithful. He wanted us to pray for a reason and we don't know in our humanness what kind of power came from our obedience last night. That is the exciting hope when it feels tough and dry! I left actually feeling quite good. Normally after a tough night, you can leave feeling like that was pointless and frustrating. But last night felt a little different to me. It felt like a good instruction in spiritual discipline. I felt that it was part of the maturing process in following the Lord and learning what my role is in His army. I want to continue to learn this, regardless of how things feel! And be obedient, even if I would rather not be!

So, God doing good stuff last night.......bad dreams followed. I had a huge fight with my dad, my mom got cancer but wouldn't get a lot of medical treatment to help her, and someone else from our church had cancer and was going to die within a few days/hours. I was on my way somewhere else and had to catch my plane at 7pm. I had quickly wanted to stop by this house/country resort where my mom and the other lady with cancer were living. My sister was staying there with my mom. I wanted to speak with these ladies and pray with them before I left. Good-byes and closure are always so tough for me. Everything was going wrong about this trip. I left the house/resort much later than I should have. I took the wrong set of keys. The car wouldn't even start...in the middle of summer, it was sort of flooding with water. I still had to drive 40 minutes to pick up my luggage at the time I was already supposed to be at the airport. Things just continued to go wrong. Finally, I resolved that I wasn't going to catch that plane and I wasn't going on my trip. I was full of emotion with these dreams. I'm surprised I didn't wake up crying...which I occasionally have done.

Oh Lord, what are you up to? Things are really being stirred up!