Well, first week of clinical down, 8 weeks to go! So, today was our first day on the ward and with a patient. My patient's story is so very sad! An incredibly young guy (my youngest patient ever), with a lifelong mental deficits due to a spontaneous brain tumor. So very very sad. He is pretty much in a state where I'm not sure if he completely understands and he can't speak verbally back to me. So, I spent much of the day being available to him and his father and being sensitive and chatting to the dad. What a sweet man. I didn't know if he was the brother or the father....and boy does he love his son. So, it's going to be pretty insane, but totally exciting. In two weeks I get to spend a day in the OR and most likely will be able to witness open brain surgery!!!! Isn't that incredible! So, I'm going to have to work my butt of in the next few weeks, but I'm going to learn SO much!

Hola all!!! Well, today is a new day, and a better one than yesterday! Thank-you Jesus! I got my mark this morning from that test that made me so mad last blog....I did great! I get my studying did help even though I felt so tricked! Another blessing!
I had to bus to the U because my ride had car problems this morning. Boy is it very cold out there!!!!! I almost lost the skin on my face....that was the only part of me that was showing to the world and I almost lost it!
On the weekend, I had a great saturday with all my bridal party girls! We went to the Wonderful Wedding Show...and I'm still hoping to hear that I've won something! I really wanted that free honeymoon but I guess someone else might have needed it more. It wasn't meant to be...booo hooo!!!!! After the show we all went for supper at Olive Garden!!! Yummmmmy!! Salad and bread sticks are the best!!! And their pasta rocks!!! Hey, if you have a sweet tooth and like refillable drinks, get the raspberry iced tea next time you go! It is so good!!!!! But that's coming from someone that loves sugar! We finished off the girly night with a chick flick and a new bridal magazine to look through! I love being female! We get to have so much fun!

I'm cranky right now. Downright unimpressed with the test I just wrote. Do some profs just try and trick you with the questions they ask? Well, these ones sure did! It felt like it didn't matter at all that I invested time into studying, because they just tricked me anyways. Boy does that make me a cranky lady. I was sitting in the front row and can't look down at my paper the whole time, so I'm sure they saw by my facial expression that I was NOT impression. I looked pretty pissed off! I just can't hide my feelings very well....and this time, I sure didn't try!
Anyways, thanks for listening to the vent!....Oooohhhhh, just had a craving for naco cheese chips! I wanted to let you all know about my praise report of the day. You know the financial bind of the student loan thing from last blog, and I got good news last night! I had worked a lot over Christmas and the final payday for the shifts I worked was on friday. I remembered yesterday night so I call the bank to check where my account was at! Yeah! The amount that work put in my account was $25 short of rent for February!!! Praise Jesus! I can now pay rent and have a bit to spare and a bunch of space on my Visa in case of emergency!!! Thank you Lord! Through this all, I am so thankful that I didn't have to borrow, but realized how much it had to do with pride. I'm so glad that I didn't have to learn the lesson though and borrow....in order to lower the pride thing. I think that it also had a tiny bit to do with being a little bitter....which I wasn't aware of. I get ticked off when I hear of students who have everything handed to them on a silver platter by mommy and daddy. It's stinkin' NOT FAIR!!! So, I realized that though I've been doing this for 3 years and 8 months already, I'm still sort of frustrated that I've never gotten any help from the parentals! I am thankful for this opportunity to see the emotions in me that I wasn't aware were there. Now I am aware of them and can deal with them....I sure don't want to hang on to frustration and bitterness.....and I absolutely love the parentals and know their situations.
Well, I suppose I am a little emotional today by the emotions that these frustrating topics are bringing up in me.I have to run to the most boring class in the world which starts in 5 minutes! But I'm planning on skipping as much of it as I can!
Next blog will be far more positive....thanks for listening.

Prayer request for me! OK tuition (meaning a big chunk of money) is due tomorrow! I have been waiting on the student loan to come so that I can live and pay tuition! Well, went to the mail box this morning before coming to the U and....still no envelope from Student Aid. So, frustrated me, called them. They informed me that they are two weeks behind assessment and are assessing my amount again before I get it. The lady said they will only assess it in two weeks.....nevermind what they decide, when they mail it, or when I will receive it!!!! So, had enough from last semester and working over Christmas to pay the whole chunk of tuition....THANK-YOU JESUS!! Did that this morning but now have a very small amount left to my name.....causes a little sadness for me. I need to buy groceries today, so I will. I still must eat. I have 3 social engagements already planned for the rest of the month that cost money. My day with my bridal party girls will not be cancelled, but the two others might have to be! My biggest concern is that I may only get my loan sometime in the middle or end of February! That's a long way away! So, as I started to say, my biggest concern is rent for next month. Hopefully I have something to my name then, but regardless, what I have to my name now doesn't cover rent...and it's only Januarty 15 without groceries bought yet! I have never yet had to ask anybody for financial help since moving out in June of 2000. I REALLY don't want to have to now. It is a bit of a pride thing, but I hope that something works out so that i can figure things out on my own. The only way is if miraculously my loan comes before the end of the month......very unlikely!...I just might have to cancell all weekend plans for the rest of the month and beg work to give me shifts.......
A part of me feels sad and a little stressed. The other part of me is fine and feeling strangely excited to see how things will work out and how God will provide. I've had these loan situations before and it has always worked out.....
So, please pray! I know that everything will be fine, but it does could some stress that I don't want! Thanks everyone!

For Erica's interest...and the rest of you all, supper was really nice on sunday! We all went to Applebee's and after an hour long wait...which resulted in complimentary chips and salsa, we had a great time! I made a little toast to my husband-to-be, had a nice meal and great conversation! It was nice to have both of our families together! Our parents have met on multiple times so they are comfortable with one another. We even surprised Shane's sisters with the surprise happy birthday song by the Applebee's staff (they both had birthdays within the week!). They thought that the staff were coming to sing for Shane and I!
Our great friends Beau and Heather, whom I last saw in Florida in August, gave us a surprise call on sunday morning. I realized before they broke the news that the call didn't have the long-distance ring! They are in Winnipeg for a week! Tonight we are all doing something so I'm looking forward to that! Christina, Heather and I went out on monday for coffee, but tonight the guys and girls are doing something! Otherwise school is going well....we are just on a break and are in the middle of a pretty interesting lecture on respiratory failure! The guest lecturer really gets and keeps your attention! I brought readings to do during the lecture, but it doesn't look like I'll do them because she is quite interesting and I'm learnign things that I didn't know before! I love that part about student life! Learning something new every day!!!! It is great! This semester rocks!

In the next half hour we are off to our family supper at Applebee's! I'm really looking forward to it! It should be fun!
Church rocked this morning! Worship was really great and it felt like something was buzzing that hasn't in a while (on a sunday mroning)! I loved it! And Brian, man, I love when he speaks! On the same church note, I would absolutely love to swing that Mexico trip! It sounds like so much fun! I leave it in God's hands!
Just got a bunch of great emails from El Salvador team members! One girl always emails great stories of med school that just make me crack up! She's hilarious! The other nursing student is actually now preparing for her MCAT (big test to get into medical school)....interesting how things can shift! It just all keeps me excited and anticipating the future! I am sometimes very thankful that we don't know how it will all turn out! It would take the surprise off of God's twists!
Went to my cousin's wedding yesterday. Great food but a bit like one of my own wedding nightmares! I sort of felt at certain parts that I was in one of my dreams! I do hope the best for them though! And seeing the bride in her dress reminded me that I have one! And that it is going to be SO fun to prance around in it all day! I'm excited!
Well, wish I could be at church tonight but I'm looking forward to the family supper at the same time! Gotta go! Take care all!

Yeah! It is the weekend! I just finished my last class of my first week back and it is only 10:30am! My earliest class all week.....so I now want to go back to bed, but at least we are finished so early! It sounds like it will be a great weekend! I get to see my Shaner EACH DAY! I'm excited! Tonight we are hanging out....not sure what we'll do! Tomorrow we have a wedding to go to and sunday is church and our family supper! Since getting engaged 3 months ago, we have wanted to go out with our immediate families altogether! Well the day is finally here! We are all going to Applebee's on sunday and I'm really looking forward to it!
So this week was interesting. It isn't so bad being back in school! I really should be thankful for an incredible semester and quite a bit of time! It is a real blessing! I also enjoyed girls movie night with my roomie and neighbors, the WCV girls night at Earl's and a great coffee and grand time at Walmart yesterday with a girlfriend from high school! I absolutely love Walmart! Everything for our wedding so far has been bought there except for my dress!!!! My wedding is going to be the Walmart wedding! Hey, I think they should sponser us and therefore give us everything for free as long as it is from their store! Wouldn't that be great!?!
So all is well! Found out that for nine weeks starting on the 21st I will be at Health Science Centre for my next clinical on Neuro surgery! I'm happy about that and a girl in my class had my CEF and said she's great!!!! And she gives awesome marks and doesn't grill you!!! So, God heard my fears over the past few weeks about clinical and has given me a pretty good deal so far!!!
Have great weekends!

So here we go again! Back to the routine of University! So far, not so bad. But kinda silly. In our first class, the profs were intent on figuring out each name so that they know us and know if we skip their classes. So we all (the entire class!) had to say something about themselves! I announced that we got great gifts including our pots off our bridal registry for Christmas! Oh and another friend from nursing got engaged over Christmas! How exciting! Last semester I kept asking her or checking out her finger after every weekend! It finally happened! And there wedding is only 2 weeks or so after ours! June 26th! So much fun and so much wedding stuff to talk about!
Well, school is here and I'm getting back into the books so there not a lot to say! Have a great day! Don't lose anything important in this weather (by means of freezing off!)!

Hello everyone!!! Soon I will be back in the blogger world regularly! I start University again on monday! Back to the grind......boy oh boy! As I may have mentioned already, I'm a little nervous about starting clinical up again! Ahhhhhhh......my blood pressure sky-rockets! Especially the night before! I have these awful fears of not waking up in time....though in all of my clinicals (well.....this will be number 4)...I haven't had the dreaded sleep in yet! Praise Jesus!!! Even when I work the day shift, as I did today, I have to set two different alarms (one across the room so that I can't turn it off) and still I sleep fairly miserably fearing sleeping in throughout the night! And to make things worse I have been having these ridiculous wedding nightmares! In the past three nights, I've fought with my photographer, premarital counselling hasn't worked out, we forgot to make programs for the ceremony, the flowers were totally wrong, I got down the aisle to find out that some guy we didn't know was going to marry us and had switched with our original pastor, my girls decided that other things were more important and didn't show at the rehearsal or at the arranged stuff the night or morning before the wedding (for which I beat them up!)....and on the saga goes! It's crazy!!! I'm not even stressed at all about the wedding and I'm having these crazy nightmares!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!
Well, my roomie is supposedly returning today! It will be nice to see her! And tonight I'm going out to a friend's house!
Soon I'll have a nice new layout on this site!!!! My nice friend, Yvonne, has been working on one for me! So stay tuned!!
Have a great night! Happy New Year!!!!

Happy Boxing Day everyone! I have to brag about the great wedding stuff Shane and I got for Christmas so far!!! I am SOOOOOO excited about it! It was SUPER smart (and my idea, might I add......) to get engaged before Christmas, and register before Christmas, so that you can have a "Christmas shower" (or so it feels like anyways!). We got our knife block, all our pans and bakeware (if that's a word!), two mugs, a clothing iron, OUR WAFFLE IRON (one of my very favorite items.....along with the blender we got earlier this winter), and the total incredibly generous gift from my siblings and dad.....OUR 10 PIECE SET OF GREAT POTS!!!!!!!! I am so pumped! Wow! What a great bunch of stuff! To me Christmas is definitely not about the gifts....I had hardly any for anyone this year, yet I was blown away by the gifts others bought us for our married life together! I am blessed! For so many years, I have tried to make my emotions stay away from getting too excited about the gifts I get at Christmas because I don't want to slip into thinking that that is the main reason for the season. Well, with these gifts, I could not help but be completely estatic!!!! It actually inspires me to learn more about the whole cooking thing! And hopefully these pots are as good as they claim to be.....since I'm probably the worst owner for them....due to my history of burning things! At least they're not plastic!
I've enjoyed my holidays so far...some fun Christmas parties over at our appartment, time with my family and Shane's family, a nice wad of cash from picking up quite a few shifts at The Home (as I've decided to start referring to work as.......) and a nice bunch of time to relax at my appartment and work on wedding planning. See, there really isn't much to do until about May, but I, the psycho planner, created this great binder! It is the mother binder of all wedding organization in the history of psycho brides! I have each new section tabbed with a different color! For examply some goodies from The Binder include a list of people from out of town to thank, the complete and total time line of W day and a seating plan for the reception! I don't think there is anything left for me to do! And I'm glad because going that hardcore for a few days has made me sick of wedding planning for now....though, I'm so proud that I'd love to show all of you my beautiful binder sometime!
Merry Christmas again and Happy New Year!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!

Just finished my last exam of 2003!!! Time to party!!!! Speaking of parties, we are having one tonight and on thursday at my appartment! I LOVE CHRISTMAS PARTIES!! They are tradition!!! I'm a sucker for good traditions!
Internet and computer use is still down at home.....due to an unknown reason. Fairly annoying! I've missed all the updates on the different blogs, but as Alexandra posted, most people seem occupied with other things! That's a good thing! Computers and there fun functions shouldn't take priority in life!
I've been working a lot lately and doing a tiny bit of studying (really, not much at all!). Did all you Survivor fans watch the finale on sunday? Sandra won. I'm ok with that...at least it wasn't Jon or Lil....though I was kinda hoping Darrah would win.
A resident at work passed away on my shift the other week. It was my first experience of being with someone when they died. I was sitting next to his bed and hold his hand with one of mine, while the other stroked his arm. I was alone with him so I sang some worship songs quietly to him and prayed over him aloud. It was an incredible experience, really. It is strange to see someone go from life to death in front of your eyes. It makes you very reflective.......I'm honored that I was the one that could be with him in the process.....at least he wasn't alone....that would have made me sad......
On another note.....have a very Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy your friends and families!

I wrote this great blog the other day and of course, it disappeared! I hate when that happens! Our internet is down at home, so I haven't been able to blog, do my usual rounds or check my email! Yeah for the Univerisities computers and Shane's computer!
Can't blog long, but would love to update! I have a doctor's appointment in 20 minutes across campus to discuss birth control! Shaner was supposed to be coming with me, but we found out wednesday that he just can't get off work! That work is always coming in the way! Anyways, I understand and it is not crucial, it just would have been nice to go together! So, here I go! One preparation step closer to being a married woman! Oh my goodness!

So.......here I am again! I just got home from a neat banquet that Alexandra and I were honored to dance at....errr....I was honored....I shouldn't speak for Alexandra..... Anyways, it was a neat experience and it was refreshing to step outside the box and try something new. It was a pretty quickly choreographed dance, but I think it worked! I hope that the people at the banquet were blessed! And I sure hope that I get some more new and exciting opportunities to expand my little comfort zone! I'll do it in the strength and creativity of the Lord, but I in myself feel extremely limited. Alexandra, it was totally great to do the dance thing with you! I enjoyed "working" with you! Yeah for cheese!!! All the thanks goes to past tambouriners, cheerleaders and old school "church" movement!
On another note, church last night at Encounter God Night was great for me! In my weakness, God spoke and blessed me! At the end of the night I got some great prayer and some totally encouraging words and pictures from others! They were right on and I had some sequenced confirmations!! I love when God does that! I'm challenged again to expand the borders of my gifts. I am terrified with certain ideas, but am willing. Jesus, use whatever you want in me! Mouth, hands, feet, speaking, dancing, singing. I think I'll risk the vulnerablity of touching a little of what was going on last night. Many years ago, while visiting another church, I clearly heard God say, during the worship, "Stand and sing". It wasn't for that moment, but it was very clear. That situation has come to mind on many occasions. Last night's worship being one of them. During the worship, I had a song, with many words totally coming out of my heart, mind and mouth (very quietly....). I began to imagine me getting up and sharing it, and being totally terrified. I said to God, "I'm so relieved that you aren't calling me to do that!". Only to have Elisa and Jason both seperately touch on something about song/singing when praying for me at the end of the service! So, weird........ Then Jason got something about this being the time. The time is now and I have been processing that phrase. I think it means something about gifting. This has the potential to frighten me.....but if it involves any singing (other than in my house or to myself or babies), I am terrified. God will have to work a miracle in me....and my voice, if He wants anything regarding that! I'm not shutting the door, I am just expecting a lot from Him if singing is on the agenda! So, let it be known, I want to be open to anything from the Lord. I do not want fear to stand in the way and since God has a plan, I know that it is soveriegn and better than something that I can come up with!

Interesting......just went to check out the website of Dalhousie University in Halifax. I'm impressed. Strangely, I reacted in an emotional way. I began to read about the university, the med program and took the virtual tour, and almost cried (but the tears didn't fall....they just welled up in my eyes). There is some part of me that just must have always held on to my dream of being an MD throughout my childhood and teen years. On one hand I think maybe. On the other, I think probably not. I just don't know. I don't want to limit myself according to time, money and fear. Nursing at the U of M is totally manageable, but it still is tough at times and requires a lot of work. I get super frustrated with my brain. I have learnt the system. I can study the day or two before a huge exam and ace it.....not remembering any of the information the next day. That is so frustrating because I want to really know my stuff and be able to put all the pieces together! So, I feel that my marks say that I'm smart, but my actual amount of knowledge sucks. The idea of going through another 4 year program, that is even more intense, freaks me out a little. I know that I could do it, but being scared holds me back a little. It is interesting because I'm only 21 and somehow have this idea that I don't have enough time left to do another degree! What is that all about! I think it's about finishing nursing, letting Shane do his thing at University too (it is only fair!), and then eventually wanting kids. Boy, that's the biggest part to schedule in...children. Though, they don't always get "scheduled" in! We are just going to have to be super careful and rest in the fact that God has a supreme plan that is above ours! I also totally desire to do missions with my life. I know that nursing or medicine will open huge doors to help out in places around the world. It just getting to that place where that's possible that seems to take so long. I'll just have to steal away two weeks out of the year and help out somewhere....and take my hubbie with me! Well, that's all that's on my mind at this moment.....a lot to think about which totally wasn't on my mind half and hour ago before I decided to check out Dalhousie! And hey, another interesting fact....they only take 84 students per year and only 8 are from parts of Canada other than the Maritimes. That's not very many!
Well, now I'm going to switch gears and clean my room, paint my nails, eat, shower, do some wedding stuff and go to the mall to get the car and do some errands! I don't know what I can really do in the next month to plan for the wedding. Most of the big things are done...and the little stuff has to wait until we are closer to the big day! But, before I go back to the U January 5, I want to get a bunch done!
Have a great day all!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! I'm in a happy mood! Just finished my last class (kinda) of the year 2003. Just one more spanish class next week and 3 exams! I skipped the very end of the class this morning because it is SOOOOO BORRRRINGGGGG!!! And to my dismay, I found out a second ago that the course I transfered into this week, has the same prof!! I'm going to absolutely die!! Oh, well, I get a lot of homework done in her classes because it is so boring and dry!
Today is grocery shopping day! That's exciting because when the appartment has food it feels like Christmas! My mother is coming on over for supper! I'm going to make some yummy tacos!
It is also house cleaning day! I don't remember the last time that it was house cleaning day! We aren't letting any visitors in the appartment, because it's slightly embarassing! I just have zero motivation to work at a clean house and I really don't care when it is messy. How will I solve this problem??.......ahhh!!! Maid service! That would be perfect!
A bunch of us (Christina, some buds from nursing, and such) are going to a church service tonight. I'm looking forward to it, and to the potential of going out with peers afterwards! Boy, I'm pretty holy this week! (ha ha) 3 services in a matter of 4 days! That's a record!

Hello everyone! I'm happy today! I just got home from church....which I enjoyed! Not that that is unusual! I think I'll go again tonight! I love worship times....and I like to show up at the community meeting stuff, even though after 4 or 5 years of attending WCV I am not officially a member! I hope that God really provides for the finances that WCV is needing at this time! Jesus, please provide!
OK, on a totally different note....you know those kind of people, both male and female that give off a certain vibe? It is like a "sexual-tension"-type vibe (in the words of my dear Jeanetta and Ulmer!). Maybe they struggle with the opposite sex, are fairly desperate, or are just simply horney, but they give off a vibe. You know, I just gotta say, "Talk to the ring!". Boy, some emotional and spiritual things are extremely evident. I wonder what kind of things we all give off? I'm sure that some parts of our all of our personalities are visible. So, I wonder what people, especially the ones that don't know me, see in me......it is interesting to think about (without making it a fear of man thing). Just being aware that people in the world are watching and you really are representing Somebody. I sure hope that I'm doing a good job!

Friends are incredible. Don't you think? What would we do without them? My wonderful, Christina and I went out for supper at Pine Ridge Hollow yesterday night to celebrate our birthdays. Mine was in October and hers is in December, so we thought we'd celebrate in November. We got all dressed up! I looked like I was ready to go to a Christmas Ball! I wore a nice greenish Christmas dress, put my hair up all funky, put on make-up (which I extremely rarely do) and shaved my legs! We spent 2 and a half hours there! Just eating, drinking warm drinks and chatting about anything and everything. This season of life is tough but exciting. We are in that time where the options are unlimited and there are big question marks about direction.....since there are so many options. We love to dream and plan about the future! I'm so blessed in my friendships! My lovely roomie has become one of my very closest friends in the whole wide world! She knows me so well! I love her dearly and you know, when we have to part from the same household in June, I'm going to be really sad. I have loved this rooomate thing.......We pinky-swore last night that we have to stay forever friends and at least call each other every other week, from whereever we end up in this big world! That's a friendship that I definitely will not lose! She is far too precious!

Well, it is time to update! I wrote a blog the other day and it disappeared! Oh well! I had such a nice time with the gals from WCV at Earl's on wednesday! It would be great to do that monthly! I really enjoy getting to know you all better! You learn something new about someone every time! I'm blessed by the fact that regardless of where we all are in life, we can find a level to connect on. Many of you (that are reading this from WCV) are moms and wives. I'm not quite a wife...but almost!....and not mom, but a student, but we still can connect! I love it!
Caution: the next part may be hard for some of you.......re: cancer.
On thursday, I spent the day following the chemo nurse around. The first patient we talked to in the morning, had me crying. He was just verbally processing what he was going through, counting his blessings and expressing how sad he is. My heart just broke as he shared his story. He said "In july I was walking 4 miles 4 times a week and now, november, I can even get up....". He was saying what a wonderful marriage he has had and processing the plan of care up to the end. It is so sad to see what cancer steals. Another women I cared for this week is a 26 year old mother of three. She wants to get married at Christmas, but beyond a complete, supernatural miracle she may not even see next week. I have never seen death like I see it in her. She is hardly visible she is so malnourished and when I was finished washing her up, I had her hair all over my uniform because she is lossing all of it. I transfered her from the bed to a wheelchair so that she could take a walk with her mom and dad. I got her to give me a big hug so that I could lift her and pivot her from the bed to the chair. She was so fragile and she is to the point where it is even difficult for her to speak. That makes me so sad. I am thankful that my heart is still soft enough that I can feel and cry for these people. I hope that I never get so immune to pain and suffering that I can't see people for who they really are and see them through the eyes of Jesus. It is interesting because I really could see myself working in this area. Cancer is mysterious and strange to me. The people that I have gotten to work with throughout my clinical and those that I saw on thursday throughout the hospital, are incredible. Their journeys, their stories, their strength is amazing. I have learnt so much about life through these people. I am really looking forward to my palliative rotation next year. I think it might be the hardest emotionally, but the most rewarding and character-building.
Prayer request.....a friend of mine is needing a lot of prayer right now. She is having serious marital problems, and needs God's provision, comfort, healing and to know her invaluable worth. Thanks.

OK things are looking up. The storm has passed and things are getting better. Shane and I had coffee with a caterer in Steinbach last evening and it went so well! We are going to be getting a fabulous meal.....and cheesecake with fresh strawberries for dessert that I'm very excited about!......for an awesome price! Since we limited our guest list a bit and are getting an incredible price for plates, things are going to work out! Boy, that can take a lot of stress off! Talking and planning with someone other than just myself, or Shane, makes me excited and brings the reality of the wedding to life! Wow! It's actually going to happen for real! And just this past week we passed the 7 month mark! Wow baby! Thank-you for your prayers and please continue!