All you praying people out there! We could use some!!

I spent the weekend at Rock Lake and Shane joined me...and surprised me...yesterday evening! I got to spend the weekend with my sister and then when Shane came, he joined us in a lodge room! I haven't had a sleepover with both my husband and sister before! ....boy, if I wasn't a Christian, this could sound pretty wrong! Anyways, it was nice to be out at Rock Lake because I love it there, it is like home. And it was nice to get away from home and the thoughts of back pain and the question mark of work.

That brings me to the things that are heavily weighing on my mind. I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for tuesday, but it is super close to my shift. I am thinking that at this point before I see the physiotherapist again and the doctor, I don't think I'll work that tuesday shift. See if the doc says, "no...don't resume work yet", then my poor employer only has maybe an hour to find a replacement and I don't think that that is very fair on my part. So, I'll probably call my employer tomorrow, give the heads up and say it is a no-go for tuesday and we'll see about wednesday. I'm just not sure what to do about the next 4 weeks. I have only 4 weeks as of yesterday left of shifts. Shane and I really could use that money for tuition...we were counting on it. To stay sane, I am trying to take a day-by-day approach with my back and work. I just don't want to do more damage. Another concern is that if I don't go back to work for the summer now, I have probably shot my casual job for the rest of the year out the door. I can't really pick up much this semester, except the one month (not sure which one) that I have some clinical days off. I had peace and felt some rest from this issue out at the lake, but now that I'm home, I feel the stress of it. It feels like a big decision that I have to make on my own, because I don't feel like the doc or physio is going to make decisions that are for me and my health long-term. I think they are on the side of worker's comp and throwing me back to the wolves. I'm scared and I don't trust their advice!!!!!

On another note, Shane is having a really hard time at work. I can't remember if I blogged about this a few weeks ago, but it is getting to breaking point. Life is not supposed to be hated. God has plans and gifts for us to enjoy and be taught by. I'm not saying that as soon as a situation gets tough or uncomfortable, run. I'm saying that in this case, Shane has been a very faithful employee and it is time that he enjoy work again. He used to love it and he would say to me "the day I don't enjoy going to work anymore is the day I quit". Well, that day happened a long time ago. But, the financial pressures of paying for a wedding, supporting a family now and knowing that we will be a one-income family in 4 weeks...or sooner...is pressure enough to rethink an automatic quit. Well, this unhappiness is not what God intended. Shane has given this job a million chances to get better and for him to enjoy it again. And everything seems to be on a steady decline.

Life-giving. I was thinking about our situation when driving home late one night this week. I passed a sign that said Suds....an advertisement. I think it may have been for a job. I felt God say..."life-giving". He has given us a world FULL of opportunities and possibilities. I felt that he was saying, "why stay in a place that is taking so much life away when I have created so many other opportunities that are life-giving". I felt that we are limiting ourselves and God by staying in a place that is causing so much unhappiness just because of the money. Money is not worth our happiness......it gets a little complicated though when you need the money to pay the bills. But regardless, MONEY IS NOT WORTH OUR HAPPINESS!!!! God is our provider. I have the smallest amount of faith that I know of....it is so hard for me to believe that everything will be ok. Yet, God has proven this to me time and time again. Still, I find it so hard to trust.

Please keep us in prayer. Many things are up in the air...or could be and we need guidance and direction from the Lord. We need to hear very clearly from him regarding decisions and timing alike.