Week 4 Summary

Week 4 was a really good one....painfully good. My favorite weeks here so far have been week 1 and week 4, hands down.

This week's speaker was Ben Nanoa on the topic of the Father heart of God. Whew! I loved the way Ben allowed the Holy Spirit to lead this week. He taught some but the Holy Spirit had an agenda for healing and breakthrough that went beyond a good sermon from the speaker at the front of the room.

It all started with the question "What does the love of the Father look like to you now?" and as we shared, the Lord broke in. I cried each day in class and wanted all that the Lord may have for me. Tuesday was a big day for me and the Lord had an appointment with me when it was my turn to share with the class. It was so good to be vulnerable, bawl and be prayed over, while being ministered on the inside by the Holy Spirit like only He can do!

I need fresh revelation all the time about who God is, what He thinks of me and how He feels about me. I "know" the right answers in my head sure, but does it transcend to my heart? That is where it matters. It is humbling to say how you feel the Father looks when you just want to disclaimer that you know it isn't true and instead share what you've learnt over the years and what you know in your head to be true. But, where's the breakthrough in that?

The Lord worked on my heart in the area of how I feel about myself, the way I treat myself because I want to be perfect, the way I view Him and opened up some room for me to grieve over things that grieve His heart. There were many hard things shared by our class and the last two days of the week the focus turned to confession and repentance. It was so hard to hear the stories but it was powerful what the Lord was doing.

We aren't our pain. Our pain doesn't have to define us. Sometimes it's hard not to label people their sins in a society where diagnosis is key. Instead of seeing a banner over peoples' heads with the name of their sin hanging over, I choose to see the truth. The banner over us is love and the writing on that banner is "FORGIVEN". Doesn't matter what it is....FORGIVEN.

Some of my favorite lines of the week were:
- "We have to come to God in the truth of who we are. If we allow Him, He will always hit the bull's eye. When the truth hits, the healing begins".
- "YWAM is not just about gaining knowledge but about applying it".
- "God wants to woo us".
- "The capacity to receive all that God the Father has for us costs us in two ways. First in vulnerability and second in boldness."
- "If you are going to be called to all than it's going to start with us" - If you are called to give away what you've received, you got to face the stuff and get healed first!
- "God ministers to you the way you understand".
- "Is the knowledge you have of God connecting with your heart? If not yet, let's continue praying".
- "Let God change your point of reference that you see from".
- "There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you less".
- "If there is pain here, then I want to walk it through".

This week held a number of other things too. My first trip to Target while we've been here and my first taste of Starbuck's since home! It was so comforting because it reminded me of home! The completion and submission of my audit for my nursing license (sadly, I get audited for the first time the year I'm out of the country). An afternoon lecture by Andy Bryd who heads up the prayer room here on campus. Another wonderful bible study by our School of Biblical Studies friends! We're learning tools for studying the Word of God and learning together through the book of Jonah! And the major praise report I blogged about earlier about the outreach deposit coming in in full this week! It was paid a day early! Amen!

Here's pictures from week 4 in Kona!

Ben Nanoa speaking on the Father's heart and demonstrating a picture of God's love while giving a girl in our class a piggyback ride

A time of healing and repentance for the men

My little friend Sven from Holland, the son of one of the couples in our DTS. He is SOOO cute!

My friend Val and I enjoying an ice cream party after an emotionally exhausting week. How kind of our leaders to cancel class time and instead do something fun after such a week!

My southern friend Deanna and I!

Shane and I celebrating a week of healing

It's amazing it's been over a month since we got here! What a ride!

Week 3 Posted

I posted week 3 a little late but it's back 3 posts! So check out last week's summary if you'd like!

Provision!

God is so taking care of us. He always said He would, why would I doubt it?

I have a huge praise report from today! We got word from one of our partners that the other $1000 we need for Friday is on the way! Praise the Lord!

Friday's outreach deposit is paid! God is good!

Praise Report!

So...about the $2000 we need for Friday...

$1000 just came in! God is so good! Now praying in the rest! $1000 more for Friday needed!

YWAM Update 1

Here's our first update letter from Kona for you all to enjoy! Tuesday marks 1 month since we landed and lots has been happening from week to week!

We have urgent financial needs related to our outreach fees. We need $2000 by Friday for our outreach deposit to cover our plane tickets to South Africa. The remaining $5500 that we need is due by November 25th. Please join us in praying in the remaining $7500 and prayerfully consider if you are part of the equation!

Enjoy the read!

YWAM Update #1

Week 3 Summary

Week 3 was a hard and good week all in one. There are many things the Lord is working on in me and I'm seeing good fruit in the midst of the tilling of the soil in my heart. In the midst of hard moments, I'm feeling the nearness of the Holy Spirit and an increase in comfort, joy and freedom. I'm hoping for more and more growth and breakthrough!

This week, two brothers were our speakers who have a heart for restoration and have influence in the college sphere and mainstream music industry. This week was corporate week where all the DTS classes were together, bringing about 400 students together. To be honest, the lectures were really tough for me to get through this week.

I felt really grieved, especially during the first 2-3 days of the week. We opened our bibles very minimally for the first number of days and it felt like a waste of valuable learning time to hear stories and motivational speaking. I was a frustrated and asked the Lord to turn my frustration into intercession.

On Tuesday, as the morning was drawing to an end, I was hit with a burden of intercession. As the speaker was winding down and playing a pop music song, I was bawling in my seat, being touched by the Holy Spirit in the area of intercession. It grieves the Lord's heart and therefore grieves mine when we fill this generation with social justice speeches that don't first point them to the One that is first and foremost who we are to be fascinated by. It grieved me that we weren't using His Word for hours of time together and that we were hearing far more stories and radio songs than the powerful Word of God. It grieved me that this generation wasn't being pointed to stare at a beautiful, fascinating God as the first priority. It was sad because it felt that the commandments weren't in the right order.

I skipped lunch that day because I was feeling so wrecked. I went to the room and just bawled and prayed for our generation. This generation is hungry and famished, but they just might not even know it. How often are we feeding them cardboard instead of the meat of the Word that can transform them and point them to Jesus?

It was a tough week for us. There is a bunch of stuff happening back home with our friends and family that is hard to hear about and it's hard not be present to support our loved ones. Shane's grandpa is not doing well and they anticipate he will die soon. We continue to pray that he will turn, repent and make Jesus Lord of his life before he dies. Please pray with us!

Some lines from my notes this week are:
- "It's time for you to learn how to feed yourself".
- "Revival starts when renewal spills out of the church into the street".
- "There is a greater point in creating us than saving us. He has created us for something".
- "The most attractive thing is the life bursting from within you, not the package it comes in".

This week we had some teaching in the afternoon on support raising and we met as an outreach team for the first time! We had a great time in the prayer room on Tuesday as a class praying for our outreach locations. Wednesdays Worship With the Word set from 7-9am was really good for me too!

Here's some pictures of Week 3 to enjoy!

What a special time for our marriage!

Our friendly neighbors

Magic Sands Beach...the closest "real" beach to campus

Oh how we love the weekends! Much needed rest and clear our brains from the week!

One of our classmates, Matt, turned forty on Sunday the 24th! We had a fun little party to celebrate. This picture was taken during corporate week class. The guys in front of him reminded him throughout class of his upcoming birthday!

That's week 3! A little late in posting it but better late than never!

Outreach Location!

Our outreach locations have been decided and announced as of yesterday.....and.......SHANE AND I ARE GOING TO SOUTH AFRICA!!!!

I'm excited about our outreach location! It is awesome how the Lord spoke to us about where we were to go. We've known the options for the past 10 weeks, since we got the call telling us that we were accepted for this DTS. All along we haven't felt one location over another and had no idea where the Lord wanted us to go. Even on Friday morning.

Friday during class, the outreach locations were officially announced and we were given 15 minutes to pray about where God wanted us, coming on the back end of a week on hearing God's voice. It was a good exercise right away!

Shane and I put our heads together, prayed for the Lord to speak and before 15 minutes we're even up, the Lord spoke to both of us and we got the same order of the locations to circle. 1. South Africa, 2. Brazil and 3. The Philippines.

My heart was burning over South Africa during these 15 minutes in a way that it hadn't felt in the last 10 weeks when thinking of any of these countries! I'm so glad He led us faithfully and in unity as a couple!

So, we are heading to South Africa! We are going to need a TON of prayer! Please even now start praying for our flights as it is going to be a 2-3 days journey with A LOT of time in the air. Jesus, help me!

Also, we have been asked to be student leaders and come alongside our team leader for our outreach. We would love your prayers as we help lead our team to South Africa!

It's great to share our news with you all! Blessings from us to you! God is doing good things in the earth right now!

Week 2 Summary

Week 2 is now complete and tomorrow bright and early begins week 3 at YWAM in Kona. Shane and I have been here for almost 3 weeks and are adjusting. Shane adjusted super fast and is loving it out here from the moment we arrived. I am a slower adjuster and require a bit more processing and emotions =)

This week the speaker was Allison Johnston, a young woman from Kentucky who spoke on hearing the voice of God. It was great to be reminded that hearing the Lord speak and allowing Him to speak through us prophetically is simple and for every believer. It was great to see so many of our classmates begin to hear the Lord and speak it forth in ways they hadn't done before. We are also in the process of reading through Is That Really You, God? by Loren Cunningham which is along the same theme of hearing the voice of God. It is interesting to read about the prophetic history of YWAM and to learn about all the miraculous ways that the Lord has lead and built this place.

Some of the parts of my notes that I liked this week were:
- "We have a choice every day. What are we going to think about?"
- "Never let the awareness of a problem become bigger than your awareness of God" - such wise advice especially in the area of intercession!
- "God's always talking. We're just not always tuned in!".

The lectures were tough for me this week. It was a very different flavor of teaching than last week and it was a hard adjustment from the teaching we got from Mark Anderson the week before. It was so good for our class as a whole though and so I know it was important. It also revealed some things in my heart that need a lot more work =) So to sum it up, this week was a tough one but I am learning and God is working on me!

On Thursdays we have a service in the evening with all of the DTSs here and all the staff making up a few hundred people in the Ohana court for worship and speaking. The speaker this week was Loren Cunningham (the founder of YWAM) and I heard him speak for the first time in my life. It was good to hear his heart even though I was exhausted by this point in the week and day.

My favorite lines from Loren's message were:
- "When you pray, you give God just reason to go beyond the ordinary"
- "Saul of Taursus was a terrorist" - I never thought of it that way but so true!
- "When God says go, you go! You don't ask your wallet or bank account! You obey God!"

We had some workshops on God and culture which were interesting, we had time in the prayer room and we did our work duties. I washed windows for 5.5 hours this week! That's more than I've possibly ever done at home!

My favorite part of class (beside my birthday which I will have to blog about separately) was the hour with the people from the School of Biblical Studies on Friday. They are going to be joining our class every week to teach us on studying the Scripture! I am soooo hungry and excited! I think this is going to be a highlight of my week!

Last but not least, the outreach locations were officially announced and we were given 15 minutes to go and pray about where the Lord was leading each of us personally. It's a blog in itself but I don't know if I'll get to share it with the limited amount of blogging time I have here! But, regardless, in the next day or two we will have news on where we are going in December on outreach! It's going to be good and God was SO faithful to speak to us in those 15 minutes and unify us in what we heard Him say!

I have so much more to share but that will do!
Here's some pictures of the week to enjoy (minus the birthday just in case I get around to blogging about it!):

The view from the grass where we were sitting for small group. I am so blessed to be here!

The beautiful ladies in my small group for the past 2 weeks

The beautiful view at the beach

Writing in the sand at the beach

Shane and I at the beach!

Good-Bye 27...

Today was my last day of 27. Tomorrow I turn 28!

To be honest, I've been sad the last 3 days, with today being the saddest. It started when I found out Saturday that my extended family was having a Thanksgiving gathering. Also, the usual celebrations of my birthday won't be happening and that's tough because I love the traditions me and my loved ones have made.

So, I was sad today. I realized I was missing pumpkin. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin scones and pumpkin spice lattes. Silly and trivial but just what I needed to start crying and feel better. I had a cry about missing pumpkin and my sister (who is leaving for outreach this week), hugged my husband and called my mom which was good for my heart.

Shane had his one-on-one this evening. We have a staff to connect with once a week and Shane started his today. So, I went to the cafe on campus here for the first time. It's a very few steps from our room but we haven't gone there yet in the last two weeks. So, I spent part of the evening journalling and enjoying a frappuccino to celebrate Thanksgiving. It was a strange Thanksgiving this year.

The view to my right (above) and the view to my left (below), as I sit on the patio. Shane is in the distance having his one-on-one (below).

Another thing that was good for my heart this evening was that while I was sitting and having my alone time, my school leader came by and sat and talked with me. I haven't had a lot of time to connect with her and it was so good to share and be encouraged this evening. I needed that =) God gave me what I needed for today. I'm thankful.

While checking out the cafe, some of my classmates were inside and pointed out a thing that looked like a turkey. So, here's my Happy Thanksgiving from Kona!

Week 1 Summary

Week 1 was fantastic! We had incredible teaching and great time connecting with our classmates!

Mark Anderson was our teacher for this week. He is an incredibly passionate and bold teacher and his style was just up my alley! I LOVED each lecture and feel like I gained important knowledge and understanding on the scriptures. Some of the topics he covered were what is Christianity, worldviews including humanism, denying ourselves/taking up our crosses daily, covenants in the Bible, prayer, what is Call2All and Table 71, the time line from the creation, to the fall, to the New Jerusalem, who we are in Christ and much, much more!

Some of my favorite lines in my 29 pages of notes from this week are:
- "We are the most humanistic/hedonistic culture in all of history. We are engrossed in self-gratification and consumption. 24/7 consumed with ourselves and we call our culture "Christian". "
- "Humanism is the original sin."
- "The key to Christianity is killing yourself and staying dead" (denying yourself and picking up your cross daily)
- "If I spend most of my time praying about myself, I am still a humanist!"
- "God doesn't want to improve you, He wants to kill you."
- "Don't concentrate on sin to deal with it. Find out the truth and pray the truth. Never pray the problem!"
- "Everything you say is shifting and moving things".
- "To be secure in what you believe, you have to live it. The truth you know, changes you."
- "Authority comes from God, given to people by free will. Intercessory prayer can stop the natural course."
- "If you are not an enemy of sickness and disease , you are not with God."
- "Don't assign blame to God for what people do or did."
- "There is no place for condemnation".
- "God insults the mind to reveal the heart."

Here are some pictures of the last week to enjoy!

Our welcome on the white board in our classroom

What the board looked like by Thursday's teaching!

A wet but happy ride in the trolley around the coastline!

First day of class!

Enjoying time together with the Holy Spirit

Time in the prayer room during a worship with the Word

Checking out the Iron Man Competition!

Out at a burger joint with many of our classmates! Good bonding times!

There is so much I could share about this week but it would take so long! So, I'm going to learn how to just share some of the highlights because I can't share everything each day with the ones back home.

Yesterday I was a little sad thinking of home, knowing that Thanksgiving gatherings were going on. It's a little tough to not be home over Thanksgiving and my birthday this week because it's usually a big celebration! Also, I'm thinking of my Sanctuary buddies today as they transition to another new home for a season. So, I'm missing home just a smidge but very content to be here and not wishing to be elsewhere!

Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends and family!

A Quick Hello!

This week has been a whirlwind! I haven't had any time to keep any of you updated, but I'm hoping to post a blog this weekend when we have some free time!

The lectures have been incredible and my spirit is loving it! My physical body is doing quite well with very early wake-ups and warm temperatures. I haven't had a headache for the last 2 days! That's an improvement!

I got to update the partnership thermometer this evening! Woo! Hoo! I'm so thankful! Everything that is coming in now is going directly towards our outreach phase. We don't yet know where we will be going on outreach or the exact costs involved. I'll keep you posted when we know! We should know our location in the next week or two.

Blessings to you all!

....(sigh)......

(Sigh). Hmmmm.....

Today I miss my sister more than usual. I hadn't talked to her since Monday evening and I have been missing her. Monday evening's conversation was rushed too because we were packing and doing last minute stuff all day.

I missed her when I ate some soup in the LA airport that she would have totally LOVED on Tuesday. I missed her when the New Zealand flag went by during the Aloha Welcome on Friday and I cheered loudly for a country that has my sister right now. I missed her on Thursday when we welcomed a team member that was originally supposed to be on her DTS (very strange story and what a small world). And then again I missed her today when I was eating frozen yogurt, wanting to be eating it with her.

I got to see her face on Skype for a short time but it's just not the same. I miss her today. I like her. I love her. And I want to be together.

Orientation Day at YWAM

Today was Orientation Day for Shane and I here in Kona. Yesterday all the students arrived and today we were welcomed in a big way! The Hawaiian people know how to welcome! The Ohana, meaning family, is very important here and we all were welcomed into the Hawaiian ohana and the YWAM ohana. All the talk of family made me think that they were going to make everyone homesick =)

In the morning we had orientation with all 600-700 students. It was a packed crowd! In a few weeks when all the guests arrive to celebrate the 50th anniversary, there will be 4-5 times that amount of people! This place is going to be packed!

Some highlights from this morning were:
- the marine biologist who talked briefly on water safety. My favorite story that he told was of the DTS students who went diving together. One of the girls stepped on a sea urchin. They have venom and the antidote to it is.....urine! Unfortunately, she didn't have to go to the bathroom! She asked her fellow students and only one person had to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately that was a male! So, everyone shut their eyes and did what needed to be done =) 2 years later those two ended up married! That sure made me laugh!
- the worship team was good! We're going to enjoy Monday morning corporate worship of hundreds of people worshiping together each week!
- the talk on preferring one another. It was great that the leadership was so honest and open about the differences between cultures. We have a ton of different countries here which makes for wonderful relationships, lots of learning and some difficulties I'm sure!

In the afternoon we went to our first meeting in our classroom specific to our DTS! There are 35 students in our DTS (from 9 different nations), which is one of the smaller ones and I'm thankful for a smaller number so we can hopefully get to know each other a little better! I think our times in there will be good!

This evening was a big Hawaiian party called The Aloha Welcome complete with Hawaiian dance and all! The best part of the evening was the honoring of all the different countries. They had a video which was of a map of the world and it pointed out all the different countries represented by present students one at a time as a student or staff came up with the flag for that nation. There was fun music and when your country came up, you got to stand and cheer! Shane and I did our best to holler for Canada when it was our turn =) There is a number of Canadians on base here! It was so fun to join together as the Bride of Christ welcoming and blessing one another from so many different countries!

I cheered hard for New Zealand because they are blessed with my sister right now and I got the most emotional about the country of Haiti which I wasn't expecting. It brought tears to my eyes =)

And that's a wrap! Orientation Day complete!

Pictures of Kona!

It's been a great last 2 days here in Kona! This place is gorgeous and the people are super friendly! The weather is warm and shorts and t-shirts are all we need!

I have been super tired and strangely dizzy. The dizziness was happening while on the flights and got worse by Wednesday. Thankfully, today (Thursday) was better and I'm hoping that means it's on its way out the door! Dizziness plus the time change and the heat has had me pretty wasted and has sucked a lot of the energy out of me. I've been sleeping pretty good at night though and today I didn't even nap!

It's been such a blessing to be here. We have had great accommodations and have enjoyed getting out to the harbor just the two of us to get to know the island a smidge. It's felt like a vacation over the last 2 days because we have mostly been relaxing and resting prior to school starting. I'm so thankful we arrived early and got to adjust a little before orientation day tomorrow! I'm looking forward to our start tomorrow!

Here's a few pictures from our first two days here!

The view from our building!

Us in front of the sign at the entrance to the University of the Nations property.

The beautiful palm trees on the driveway up from the entrance to the University!

A hilarious sign we found at a local park! I love Shane's face on this one too!

Climbing on the rocks at the shoreline while the tide is coming in!

A sign you find near the harbor!

God's provision continues....found this in my Bible this morning! Thank-you to the mysterious $20 partner who left the gift in the book of Job!

Our door tag outside our room

Our first shave ice experience!

Registration Day and equipped with our ID badges! Now we're really students!

What a lovely 2 days so far! Tomorrow is orientation day so off to bed!

We're Here!

After a long day of travel including 3 different flights and 14+ hours from taking off in Winnipeg to landing in Kona, we are here safe and sound, happy and exhausted! Things went really well and travel went smoothly, without a hitch. There was a ton of grace and peace over us and specifically me in the area of fear related to flying. God was so good and His comfort was tangible. Praise Jesus!

We've been preparing and traveling for 42 out of the last 46 hours and we are beat! 4 hours last night just wasn't enough =) Time for bed!

Good night to all and our first good night to Hawaii! We'll get to see you more tomorrow!

Whew! What a day!

The day before a trip is always a little psycho! I feel that way with our trips to Kansas City, never mind a 6 month trip across the world!

Today had wonderful highlights, sad moments, tense packing moments and was full, full, full of last minute details! I'm looking forward to a few hours of sleep before heading out in the morning!

Please pray for us as we travel tomorrow. I'm not a huge fan of flying because I'm not too keen on turbulence. Please pray for peace and enjoyment! Pray that we catch all our flights and we and our luggage make it to Kona wonderfully! Pray that there is grace for us in our interactions with people and each other. Pray that our hearts aren't too sad with the last of the good-byes tomorrow morning.

Bless you all! Thank-you for your love and support!
I'll blog again from another part of the world next time!

Tidbits of Info

Tonight was good-bye with Shane's parents and grandpa and it's too late on a night that was full of emotion to write about it right now. So, instead, I'll fill you in with a few random trip preparation details.

1. Our van is clean and ready to head to bed for the winter! We have our stabilizer fluid, we've been to Mr.Lube and we visited the car wash today. The storage lady finally called us back and we've got a date on Monday to tuck the van in to bed for the next 6 months.

2. The shopping is done! We finished up the last of the stuff today and that was my goal. I didn't want to be doing any shopping after Friday and my list is crossed off! Woo hoo!

3. There are only a few things left on my list of things to do before we leave! Soooo many have been crossed off!

It's pretty neat that this time next week is Orientation Day! I must say, as someone who loves organizing, administrating and scheduling, I am so pumped to get my hands on our binders that we get at registration! I always loved the part of each new school year when I got new school supplies, new classes started and I got to look through new syllabuses in university.

I haven't been a student over the last 5 years and I'm really looking forward to it again! Woo! Hoo!

Good-Byes and See You Laters

Emotions are a funny thing. Sometimes you just can't control them, even though you are responsible for them and for the actions that follow. It's hard to just make yourself feel sad, mad or glad on a whim. Generally, you don't conjure up a genuine response to something.

I've found that over the wilderness season I've been in over the past 2+ years, I often feel emotions that are out of place in different situations. When I should feel sad, I feel fine. When others are happy, I'm often found crying. It's been uncomfortable, difficult and just plain awkward at times!

Well, the good-byes and see-you-laters are out in full force these days. On the whole, they've been great and not making me sad for the most part. I suppose I should be sad, but I'm feeling mostly fine, peaceful at times with more than a hint of excitement as I look forward to the next 6 months.

Tonight I had my first I-may-have-to-cry moment, saying good-bye to my friend Bonnie. I sure love that girl! We have been good friends since high school, though have known each other much longer. We have gotten closer over the last few years and at this point are closer than ever in my opinion and our husbands enjoy one another! Bonus! I'm going to miss this treasure of a friend! It was nice to celebrate my birthday early too!

Another of my dear friends is Amy. We had our good-bye last week at our usual spot, Cora's, where we celebrate our birthdays each year. It has become our tradition over time! We became best friends in grade 6, meeting a month after I turned 11, and have continued our friendship ever since! Our friendship is almost 17 years old! My time with Amy was my first birthday celebration for 2010!

I'm going to tell you about another of my dear friends but I'm going to save that for another post! We've started our parent-related good-byes and will continue them over the weekend. Then we say our good-byes at Sanctuary on Sunday and some hard ones on Monday and Tuesday. Please pray for peace, grace and comfort for our hearts this week!

He is the best Author!

Well, God always knows how to write the best stories!

So, Friday I posted about our $1500 need for Monday's appointment at the bank. Since that time, through the hands of 10 generous people, we now have $1510.00 and it's only Sunday!!!!!

The last $20 is the funny part =) I shared with a few gals tonight at Sanctuary that we were $10 from our goal. I thought that it would be the delightful humor of the Lord if someone who didn't know came up to us with $10. Well, it didn't quite work out that way but the story is neat! Someone asked at the end of the night where we were in regards to our $1500 goal. I said that we were $10 from it and so that someone wanted to be that final $10!

A little while later, we were telling another person the story of the $1500 and the last $10. Sure enough, that other person had been thinking about giving us what was in their wallet but wasn't sure if they were going to do that or not. What was in the wallet??? $10. So, now we have $1510.00!

I love the way the Lord weaves the tale together! And, God brought in the goal the day before we needed it! He's so kind!

So, with great joy about the way the Lord has worked out the first part of our YWAM fees, we will go to the bank and do a wire transfer tomorrow! I'm excited to go to the bank tomorrow! It's going to be a fun trip =)

Getting Closer!

We are getting closer to our goal for Monday! As I wrote on the last post, we needed $1500 to come in by Monday. Now we only need another $940 for Monday's deadline! Amen! The Lord is good and I love the way He works! I'd be tickled to see $940 come in the next 36 hours! We'll keep you posted! And thank-you to all who were a part of the money that has come in this weekend so far!

Also, we've past a huge milestone! Over $10,000 has come in over the last 6 weeks! Today the money actually given to us already has surpassed into the double digits and I'm blown away by the generosity of our partners!

We are also getting closer to our departure. 10 days away and now as I look at the clock and see that it's late and I should be in bed, it's now 9 days away! Wow! Now we're into the single digits!

I anticipate quite the week ahead of us. I think it's going to fly by like a whirlwind. I think it's going to be a little sad and hard with the good-byes. Please pray for grace for us this week with the good-byes. I think it's also going to be a full week. I hope to not encounter any struggle with stress. Please pray for grace and peace to surround us as we accomplish the little details that still need to get done up until the time we board our plane.

Here's a few pictures of our evening tonight. Our wonderful friend, Christina, put together a good-bye party for us at our favorite park. It was a lovely time and 25 people were there at one point or another throughout the evening. I really enjoyed seeing these loved ones and having some time to connect and talk about life before we're away for a season. Thank-you Christina for putting it together, thank-you to those who came out and thank-you to the Lord for giving us a wonderful evening with great weather!

The Latest on the Finances

We need your help! It's hard to admit that sometimes, but I'm making our need known.

So far, we've had $9597.50 come in from generous partners and we are so thankful! We have been encouraged every time we've been able to increase the red thermometer on the side bar. Thank-you to all our generous partners who are joining with us in what the Lord is doing! We are so grateful!

At times, it's been discouraging to see the goal and know we're so far from it. But, God is good and what He calls us to, He will provide for! Please pray with us that the finances would come in and our hearts would not worry but rest in the Lord, knowing that He knows all our needs.

So far, every large expense (travel insurance, the tuition deposit and our flights to and from Kona) has been covered! The purchases that we have needed to buy (backpacks, sleeping bags, some clothing and toiletries) aren't factored into this. On Monday, we are going to the bank to do a wire transfer to pay the remainder of our lecture phase tuition. To do this we need another $1500 by Monday! Can you help?

After our lecture phase is covered, we will continue to pray that the Lord will bring in the amount of our outreach phase (approximately $10,000 American).

Our need is large and we need your help. We would love to partner with you in doing the activities of the Kingdom. If you haven't partnered with us yet, please pray about doing so. Maybe you'll be the $1500 we need by Monday to complete the first phase of our payments!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...

There are many different emotions that flood through my feelings from day to day and week to week throughout the last 2 months. Excitement, nervousness, fear, sadness, hope, etc. There is the good, the bad and ugly. Today I'm having sad feelings but I'm also overtired and coming off a 12 hour shift and might not be thinking the clearest =)

I'm sad about all that's going to change. I'm sad about all that we will miss.

Tomorrow is my last shift in my position at the hospital. Lately, I've been very excited to be done work for a season because certain places I float to are making me a little crazy with the workload and I don't want to be a miserable nurse. Today was a nice day on the ward I like best and so I feel sad that it's over for now. I've loved my code in the float pool and haven't wanted to give it up. I've been proud to say the hospital that I work for and I've appreciated the knowledge base that I've obtained from working in 4 different areas. Tomorrow marks a pause on that part of my life and though I've been excited, today I'm sad. Lately with all the crazy shifts I haven't had feelings of sadness about leaving. But, if the last 2 shifts end up being nice, it's going to make me sad and sentimental about that place and what I do!

I don't want to have a pity party, but I do want to be honest with the plethora (I like that word and hardly get to use it!) of different emotions that come with all these changes that are happening in my life lately.

So, here's some things that I'm going to miss (in random order):
- my apartment
- peace and quiet
- my privacy
- my bed and sheets
- my shower/bathtub
- my van
- snow
- the smells of fall
- traditions at Christmas
- my family
- my friends
- Girls Day
- the prairies
- being alone with Shane regularly
- quiet time with the Lord in my home
- supper at my table
- doing the dishes with my husband
- singing with my friend Christina at Sanctuary
- the good parts of my job

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today with all the things in my life that are going to be different than they have been. I know it's good and I'm feeling ready but I'm also feeling sad.

Leaning into Jesus...

10 Years Later...

And I love Shane and God more! I win!

10 years ago, on September 8, 2000, Shane and I took the risk and began our "more than friends" relationship. We had known each other as acquaintances over the past 3 years or so and then spent the summer of 2000 after my grad, hanging out together. Well, it is just a fact that after a period of one-on-one hanging out, you get to a point were you either need to cut back, stop or move forward =) So, after a long conversation that was quite humorous in our memories, we decided to jump forward together!

And I'm so glad we did! The last 10 years have been awesome, filled with lots of love, some pain, tons of learning and lots of fun, laughter and tears. We have grown together in the last 10 years a whole bunch and I'm so thankful that I can say I love Shane more than I did when I dated him or first married him and I'm so thankful that I can say I love God more too!

When we were dating we always talked about how we could only date someone who spurred us on closer to Christ and encouraged us to go harder and faster in our pursuit of Him. I'm so glad that that was one of each of our requirements because we have fruit in our lives because of it. Had Jesus not been number 1 to my husband, I wouldn't get to run the same pace that I have over the last 10 years. By running hard together, you really do go faster and further!

I'm thankful for a full decade of relationship with Shane and I'm looking forward to what the next decade will look like! I'm sure it will be totally different in life circumstances than the last, but it's going to be awesome too!

Testimonies of our Partners #1

Over the last number of weeks, the Lord has been bringing partners our way who are sowing generously into the Kingdom of God directly into our upcoming missions training and experience. There are so many stories that are accumulating in our treasure chest of provision testimonies! We want to share some of these testimonies with you from time to time to encourage you and build your faith, as ours is being built up by the way the Lord is moving through people.

At the beginning of the adventure of thinking of doing YWAM, the words of a wise, Christian businessman impacted Shane and I. We stared at the $35,000 need and saw the impossible. This man broke it down for us and gave us great perspective in bite-sized pieces. $35,000 only means 35 people at $1000 or 350 people at $100! That suddenly didn't seem quite so impossible. With man, this is impossible, but with God, NOTHING is impossible!

So, we have been asking the Lord for 35 people to partner with us at $1000, or the equivalent in smaller amounts. As you can see on the sidebar, our thermometer has been moving upward! Praise the Lord!"

Here is one of the stories of one of our partners straight from Shane's blog! Enjoy!

"I want to tell you a story of provision. If you take a look on the right hand side of this blog you will see we have a lot of money we need to come in. A few weeks ago, while having some quiet time with the Lord and praying about the finances I was stressed about, I heard to ask a certain friend for a $1000. In all the years of support raising I have never asked for money outright. I have been very laid back in my approach and realized in the last bit I did a detriment to myself and to others not by not asking (this is another whole story of revelation). The thought of asking was scary, embarrassing and humbling. After a few days of processing I thought I might as well ask and be obedient. What is the worse that can happen? The person says, “no” and we move on.

This friend came over for coffee and a chat. That day I asked my two favorite people in my life to pray for me. I needed some courage and my pride to dissipate. As I was chatting with my friend I could feel my heart pounding in my head and I was beginning to sweat like it was a hot Sunday at Sanctuary. After a few minutes I got up to take a breather and get something to drink. My friend followed me into the kitchen. As that moment I was going to ask, I needed the nerves to go away and the best way is to get this moment over with. Just as I was going to say something, my friend said, “Hey I have something for you.” He proceeded to pull out a substantial amount of cash. I looked as him and said, “How much?!?! No wait!!!” I began to count out the money…$100, $200, $300…$950! I started to laugh the higher I got as I counted. By the end my eyes had a few tears and I was laughing mostly due to the shock and awe of the moment.

Once I completed the counting of the funds I proceeded to tell my friend about the few days leading up to our coffee. I told him that I was going to ask for $1000. This led to him telling me the whole story about how he got this money. See, my friend isn’t rich and is one person that has led a very simple life. That morning while at work he was asking God about giving some money to me. He heard the Lord tell him to empty this specific bank account. He was a little frustrated with the Lord’s answer because the previous week he checked that account and there was just over $400 in that specific account. He wanted to give “extravagant” to what Kristi and I are doing.

After work he proceeded to the back and asked how much was in the account. To his shock and astonishment the teller told him he had $953 in that account. Remember the week before he just had over $400 and hadn’t touched that account. Confused he took out the $950 to give to Kristi and I. On the way to see me he heard the Lord tell him to add another $50 to the $950...equaling the $1000 the Lord was talking about!

This friend of mine left my place that night with faith so big! Why? He loved that I was going to ask, he loved that God provided extra money in his bank account somehow and he loved that he could hear the voice of the Lord. That night we both felt the touch of the Father. That night we felt the good Father taking care of His children. God is good all the time!!!

God is doing great things and using willing people in the process! I love it!

The Latest in the Preparations for Kona

There are lots of little details that come into the picture when you are planning a big jump like the one we're about to spring into! There are so many small things that come into the game plan and the list maker in me sometimes enjoys this =)

Day by day, more things are being struck off our list and completed! My husband has been fabulous about getting stuff done on his end. I have soooooo appreciated the help in the list-crossing-off and have really appreciated that we've both been carrying the weight of the many little responsibilities to prepare for our trip!

Here's some of the details that have been falling into place:

- My brother is coming to live in our apartment for the time we are away! Yippee! This makes things much easier than the idea of finding storage and a sublet in such a short time, never mind dealing with a place to come back to! We are so happy to have a trusted and responsible person living in our home while we're gone.

- My resignation letter went in to my boss last week and all the details around it came together seamlessly. I got the resignation date that I wanted and all the vacation shifts I have left in the 5 shifts leading up to that date. Thankfully, with all the rules with the union surrounding vacation, it was no problem to do those switches!

- I finished all my nights shifts this morning! Good-bye night shifts for an undetermined amount of time! Yippee! Now I only have 3 more day shifts next weekend before I am done work for a season. I am really hoping to be placed on a laboring unit next weekend because I would love to be a part of some beautiful deliveries before I go so I can have great memories of my last few shifts doing the part of nursing that I love!

- We have a place to stay for the first two nights in Kona arranged now! We are flying in 2 days early in order to save a HUGE amount of money on our flights. This meant finding a place to stay, taking a taxi from the airport and figuring out our food needs. Well, there was an easy solution! We are staying at the visitor's center on base and for a very affordable price have a safe and clean place to stay and all the meals are included! Praise the Lord!

- Provision is trickling in every few days. We have excited moments with awesome stories of financial provision and some moments when our faith feels low and we get discouraged. I want to tell you a few of these stories to encourage you and build your faith too in the next few weeks! God has been so good!

There is much to do still and yet, the details are coming together so well that we need not stress or worry! We leave in 25 days and it's hard to believe that September 28th will be here before we know it.

Here are my prayers requests:

- The peace and nearness of the Lord over the next 25 days
- Boldness to communicate our vision and needs to others
- Provision to flow in steadily over the next 25 days and people to catch the vision of partnering with us
- All the little details to come together without any stress
- Sweet quiet time with the Lord despite a busy time of preparation
- Grace and comfort in our relationships with the "see-you-laters" we'll be saying

Thanks for reading and praying!

Some New Things on the Blog

Hello to my valued readers!

There are two new additions to my blog that I want to mention to you!

1. The comments - Previously for spam reasons, you needed an account to add a comment. NOW, any of you can comment! If you don't have any of the accounts listed, just press "anonymous" and you can comment too! I really love the feedback of comments and would love it if you would leave a comment when you drop by! I have no idea who is reading this blog and would love to have an idea by those who say hello!

2. Our Call2All Financial Partnership Target - Now you can see a visual of the funds that are coming in for the missions training and experience ahead of us on the far right side of my blog! We are so thankful for the funds that have come in already from those of you who are partnering with us and believe in us and the vision ahead of us! We need the Lord to use people in the area of provision to make it possible to walk forward in what we have heard Him say to do next.

Our needs are great as you can see and though we are super grateful for what has come in already, WE NEED YOUR HELP! Please pray about partnering with us financially! Any amount will help raise the thermometer towards the goal! We need $30,700 more and would ask that you would consider being one of our $1000 partners! The Lord has already brought 2 and we are so grateful!

If you want to partner with us, email us, call us, text us, talk to us in person, send something by mail or leave a comment here. If you want to use paypal, wander over to Shane's site and click on the donate button.

Thanks for your partnership in the activities of the Kingdom!

YWAM Letter #1

Dear Friends and Family,

As fall approaches and the changing of season comes in the natural, changes are coming for the Farrows too! It’s been an exciting time and has been a whirlwind few weeks for us.

As many of you know, we have been investing our time, energy and resources into being a part of what God has been doing in Winnipeg in the area of prayer & worship for the last 4.5 years, through our involvement with Sanctuary House of Prayer. Now, as an extension of our obedience in following whatever the Lord may lead, there is a new chapter beginning!

Our hearts beat with desire to see the Church across the world found in the place of prayer with the Lord about the things that are on His heart. We also have hearts that beat for missions and reaching the people of the world with salvation, compassion and love through acts of mercy and justice. In the past few years we have focused more on the prayer side of things and now we are excited to have more experience where both missions and prayer converge!

As of September 28, 2010, we are setting sail for a new adventure that will further train us in the way prayer and missions join together. We are doing a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) discipleship training school (DTS) from September 30, 2010 to March 11, 2011. We are joining a specific DTS called Call2All that focuses on prayer, missions and evangelism (www.call2all.org). Our DTS starts in Kona, Hawaii for the first 12 weeks and includes listening to many lectures, doing work duties, receiving all that we can from the Lord in training and teaching and whatever else that could be planned for us. During the DTS outreach phase, we will be putting into practice all we have learned, taking the Gospel to places where people may have never heard the name of Jesus and participating in expanding God’s Kingdom. This portion of the DTS is 2-3 months long and will take place in a variety of overseas locations. Outreach activities will include evangelism, mercy ministries, teaching, preaching, intercessory prayer, Church planting, and reaching out to present Jesus in a variety of other creative ways, At this point we don’t know where we will be located, but we’re excited about the possibilities (South Africa, the Philippines or Brazil)! We have both had missions experience before but have never gone out together! Now is the time!

We are very excited to see all that the Lord will do over the 6-month period we will be away. The last Call2All DTS team shared the gospel with over 2,144 people, prayed for over 480 people to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, prayed with over 435 people who recommitted their lives to the Lord, and they saw 7 people miraculously healed from pain and chronic illness as they were prayed over. We are excited to see what Jesus will do through our team!

We spent our 6th anniversary in June in Kansas City asking the Lord for direction for the next season of our lives. We strongly desire to commit this year of our marriage, our seventh, to the Lord in a focused way. We long to use our lives in any way, shape or form that He would ask. What better than an adventure, full of faith and risk, to be trained in an intentional way, apart from the rigors of day to day responsibilities. We are excited with what the Lord will do in and through us in this intense season of training!

Back in 2000, prior to starting our relationship, Shane was planning on going to Hawaii and doing a YWAM DTS. Well, we started our relationship and God had other plans for that season of our lives. It’s funny that exactly 10 years later, when we’d least expect it, He brought the idea around full circle but now involving both of us! We hadn’t thought about doing a YWAM DTS as a couple and we only started praying about it on June 1st. It’s amazing how quickly the Lord can move sometimes and it’s only 2 and a half months later and we are planning to go in 5 and a half weeks!

Many of you have walked with us, prayed with us, supported us and encouraged us over the years and we are looking forward to continuing our friendships as our lives take this turn in the journey. Thank-you for all your support and friendship!

The steps of obedience often have a risk element involved and doing this DTS has a lot of cost and sacrifice involved. Kristi has to quit her job at the hospital and Shane will be taking a sabbatical from Sanctuary for the next 6 months. We have had many decisions to make about our apartment and possessions and the cost financially is big one! But, the Lord has miraculously provided over the last 4.5 years time and time again and so we know that what He calls us to, He will provide for!

Please partner with us in prayer and please continue to support us with your friendship and encouragement. We need it! Prayer is THE most important thing you could give us. We need a covering of prayer from many friends and family through this process.

Prayer Requests:
- All the little details that need to come together
- A stress-free 5 weeks of preparing and planning
- Finances
- Grace and comfort for our friends, family and community
- Protection and peace with traveling
- That God would prepare our hearts for all He wants to do

We also have tangible needs in the area of resources, things needed for our trip and finances. Please pray about supporting us financially on this endeavor. The Lord rewards those who partner with His Kingdom in every area, including the important step of finances. It’s through generous people like you in partnership with those going out that the Kingdom is accomplished on earth! Neither role is superior but instead we need both roles to accomplish His work on the earth. We are keenly aware of how important you are in this process. When people are saved, healed and set free with the ministry of the people you support, you are a big part of making that possible!

Here are our financial needs at this time. Note that we are not able to provide tax receipts for our DTS. We anticipate at this time a general cost of $35,000. We had just announced our news and within a day we already had over $1000 come in from one person! So, that brought us down to $34,000 left! This looks impossible with man but with God nothing is impossible! $35,000 could be provided by one person donating $35,000, 35 people donating $1000 or 350 people donating $100 to put it in perspective! In the last 3 weeks, we have had the equivalent of 3 people at $1000 come forward generously so we are encouraged that God will do great things in the area of finances! The stories of provision are incredible already!

If you would like to support us financially please email us if you have our email addresses or leave a comment. We will be sure to contact you.

Thank-you again in advance for your support, friendship and generosity. We love you and look forward to partnering with you as God accomplishes great things on the earth in this time to further His Kingdom across the globe.

Shane and Kristi Farrow
Intercessory Missionaries and now YWAM students

Happy 30th Birthday, my love!

Today is my husband's 30th birthday! He's not a big party guy and so there isn't a huge celebration that some, like myself, would enjoy. Instead, I booked the day off work and we're spending the day together.

September 8, 2010 marks 10 years that Shane and I have been together whether dating, engaged or married. I am so blessed! So, this birthday means a to me. It's actually the 11th time we've celebrated his birthday together.

Let me take you back down my memory lane to August 19th, 2000. Not even 2 months earlier, I had graduated from high school and moved to the big city to work. Shane and I knew each other as acquaintances from the past and when we found out in July that we had both moved to the city, we started hanging out. There was a few of us who would get together but after a while, the others couldn't always make it and that left the two of us to get to know each other.

By Shane's birthday in August, I was still very convinced that my feelings for him were strictly friendship only. So, I suppose I deemed it safe to plan a birthday celebration for my friend. I put together a picnic in the park, mini-golfing, dessert at The St.Boniface Cathedral and a visit to a friend who was working at Boston Pizza for just the two of us. That sounds pretty romantic to me now but at the time, it was just fun with my friend, or so I told myself =) Come to think of it, we haven't gone back to that park or the Cathedral, so I think it's funny that I picked those places!

We had a wonderful time together that day and though I may have been in denial, the friend we went to visit definitely started thinking things after seeing us sitting together and chatting in one of the booths at the restaurant she was working at that evening.

If we hadn't started with a friendship, there is NO WAY I would have planned that day. That would have been way too bold for me, except that I felt safe planning a day for my friend, not my potential boyfriend.

Within the month, we would be staring denial in the face. Shane was hoping and planning to go to Hawaii to do a YWAM DTS in the fall of 2000. He didn't want to get into a relationship before then....which ultimately came down to him telling me that he didn't want to start a more-than-friendship relationship with me because he was going away. Suddenly, I had to stare my feelings in the face, but still didn't quite face it. I just thought that my devastated response, that accompanied sadness and tears, had to do with the fact that I would miss his family if I couldn't hang around the way I had been =) Hee! Hee!

Well, the rest is history! I won the heart of my Shane and we started our official more-than-friends relationship September 8th, 2000. YWAM didn't enter the picture again...until now, 10 years later. But now we're going together so it's even better!

I have been the blessed gal who gets to celebrate Shane's birthday with him each and every year over the past 11 birthdays! I love him more every year and so I'm excited about learning to love him more with the ones to come!

Happy 30th Birthday to my husband! Great things are in store this year!

Wow...it's shocking!

11 weeks ago tonight, Shane and I went for a walk in the park. The Call2All DTS entered the conversation for the first time that night and we started to look into it. It just kinda came out of Shane's mouth, though we had never thought of it before.

11 weeks later, our flights are books and we are making the many preparations for the trip to Kona. Shane booked our flights this evening and the Lord provided a way to save some funds. By flying in 2 days early, we save $1300!!!! Can you believe that? So, we get 2 days to spend together in Hawaii before the intensity begins!

We're feeling pretty sober about it tonight. It's kinda surreal that the flights are booked. Perhaps I'm be more excited tomorrow. Tonight I'm feeling a little sad...

In 6 weeks from tonight, we'll be landing in Kona, Hawaii, embarking on a completely foreign season of our lives that we've never experienced before. It's crazy to think it's only 6 weeks away! Tomorrow begins the 5+ week mark! Ahhhhhh!!!!!

I think I'm in a little bit of shock! Have Your way in every way Lord!

The Light Has Shone On The Path Ahead

As I looked back on the last few months of my blogs, I saw a theme of asking the Lord for direction and desiring Him to speak what was coming next. I saw a longing for adventure with my husband and the Lord arise in my spirit after coming home from Haiti in March.

Well, the light has shone on the path ahead and we know the next step in front of us now!

It's been a time of seeking and asking and we have an answer, guidance and a plan for the next season of our lives!

On September 28th, only 6 short weeks away, Shane and I are jumping off a cliff from what we've known and into a season filled with risk and adventure! We are flying to Kona, Hawaii to be a part of the Call2All Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). We will be spending 12 weeks in training during the lecture phase of our DTS which will be filled with learning, studying and preparing for our outreach with our team. Then we're off to our field assignment for 2-3 months of missions work and "doing the stuff" of the Kingdom of God! We may be going to South Africa, the Philippines or Brazil!

I am so excited for what the Lord has in store for us! I am so thankful that we have been listening and have heard His still, small whisper of direction at this time in our lives.

This jump is exciting and scary all in one. We have stared at the hard stuff and the sacrifice over the last 2 weeks since we found out we are going and allowed ourselves to feel sadness over what we will miss back at home. The cost in the natural is a big one. When I say cost, I mean it in every area. The sacrifice involves relationships, jobs, finances, comfort, future plans, perceived security, physical possessions, etc.

Some people may think that our time away will be a walk in the park because of the location we're headed to for our training. I am thankful for the place that the Lord is calling us to, but I would not pick a place based on the natural. I want to be led by the Spirit and I want to follow where the Holy Spirit leads, wherever that may be. Regardless if we're called to Hawaii ,the Arctic or Timbuktu, there is both sacrifice and excitement, trials and joys to be had. I don't care where we go as long as the Lord is with us and guiding us.

I am going to try and use this blog to stay connected with friends and family while we're preparing for this jump and while we're away over the 6 months with YWAM. I was talking with a friend today who suggested I blog weekly. I think that's a great idea! I would like to keep our loved ones informed on what the Lord is doing in and through us. I'll start with aiming at once a week and we'll see what happens once we're out in Kona. Also, check out Shane's blog at www.quietlyseeking.com!

So many of you love us and support us and we are so grateful for you. The things that happen with us and through us are a part of your story too! Please pray for us as we embark on a new season of life. Please pray about partnering with us financially in this area of the Kingdom. We can't accomplish the work of the Kingdom without one another and we'd love to partner with you!

I'll post our YWAM letter in the next few days for you to read and please contact us if you would like to receive our updates and aren't on our list yet.

Please pray for us in the next few weeks as we prepare to go to YWAM. This week's prayer requests are:
- that the details with our apartment would come together
- that the finances would continue to flow in
- that the prices for our flights would continue to decrease (down $100 today!)
- that the Lord would continue to surround us with peace as we walk forward
- that the Lord would comfort our hearts on the days we miss Steph (my sister is in New Zealand for 6-10 months)
- that the Lord would give us vision and eternal perspective each day and especially on the days when the sacrifice is felt more than usual
- that the Lord would give us joy and excitement for the adventure ahead!

Blessings to each of you!

A Reflection of Jesus to Me

I am honored to be married to a tender and loving man who over the last 10 years has been a reflection of Jesus to me. I have learned a lot about the kindness of the Lord through my husband and I sometimes think to myself, "If this is how Shane feels, how much more does my eternal Bridegroom, Jesus, feel about me?".

We spent our anniversary in Kansas City this year. We spent 12 days together and we loved it. If I would get my wish, Shane and I would do just about everything together. We would partner together in accomplishing the activities of the Kingdom side by side day after day. That is my heart's desire in walking life out this side of eternity.

After returning from our time together, it was time to go back to work and in my first few shifts back, I got a sweet email from my husband. It was another one of those moments when my husband's words or actions made me have one of those moments of pondering about what Jesus must feel. His words that touched me were "I think us being together for so long has created a greater longing to be with you all the time.".

This email touched my heart from my husband, but it was more than that. It touched my heart from Jesus. Jesus speaking love to my heart through the reflection He's gifted me with this side of face-to-face relationship with God.

In John 17:24 Jesus says, "Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory...".

It is Jesus' desire to be with me. He wants me with Him all the time. He never tires of me, never wants a break from me and never leaves me. He is always with me and promised me that, but more than that, He wants me with Him!

If my Shane longs for me to be with him, how much more does Jesus long for me to be with Him?

I'm thankful for my own personal reflection of Jesus and I'm longing for the Day that I get to see Jesus face to face.

Don't try to move the Hand when you can't see the big picture

Shane and I are constantly asking the Lord to direct us and sovereignly lead us in our lives and callings. We regularly find ourselves seeking Him in a focused way in the area of direction.

Constantly reevaluating make sense to me with the kind of life we are living. It feels risky, but it is also exciting. There are so many dreams that we have and stages of life that are nearing and sometimes I'm totally at a loss to know how they all fit together. House, children, full-time intercessory missionaries.....and how does that fit together financially?

Sometimes I feel like we live on a yo-yo. On one extreme, the Lord breathes life and vision into us and we know we are doing what we are called to do, despite how absurd it looks to the general public. When He gives us the big picture, the sacrifice isn't so big and the future isn't so overwhelming.

On the other extreme, it is hard to see how in the world the callings and dreams we have will work with natural circumstances. Those are my low moments of faith when it's hard to keep the vision and easy to think about living "normally". On these days, normal jobs with normal salaries, a house and a family sound awesome.

But, I don't want to live for a number of things that won't satisfy and in the end, ultimately aren't my true reward. I don't want to live for a house that at any moment could be taken away. As trouble increases, many of the Church will lead lives that include fleeing and persecution. That doesn't sound like sitting in a beautiful, cozy house to me. So, why would I live for walls and a roof that I want to own when it truly won't satisfy?

Then there is the desire for comfort and security. If I am living and aligning the things in my life so that it fills the desire in me for comfort and security, but they are found in things other than God, I'm mistaken. If a "normal" job or "normal" salary are my desire so that I'm comfortable, I've place my hope in something other than the Lord. My comfort and security should rest in Him alone, despite any hardship or challenge that I come across in life.

The Lord has been speaking to me in this area with a picture of a puzzle. He sees how the whole puzzle of my life fits together. He knows the right sequence to putting the right pieces together to create the masterpiece. Then I come along and though I can only see one or two pieces, I try to control the hand of the One putting the puzzle together. That is ridiculous! He alone sees the whole puzzle in it's completion. I can see a tiny bit of the pieces, and yet I try to move His hand?

Or like a game of chess or checkers. If you can't see all the pieces and don't see the whole board, trying to move the one piece I can see is like a huge guess in the big picture.

I feel like I'm in a place of surrender these days. I am aware of my fears that would hold back. I'm also aware of my desire to control the steps of the journey. I feel that lately the Lord has been so good to consistently call me back to the place of surrender.

I do not want to try to move His hand when I can't see the full picture.

Lord, have Your way and direct us sovereignly every step of the way. I lean into You and choose to trust Your perfect leadership.