Hotel Family Weekend

This past weekend my siblings, husband, mom and myself went to a hotel for the weekend. We go each year as a belated Christmas present from my mom. It has been a really fun tradition that we hope to continue for many more years! I think it will be so fun when we all have spouses and children and get away together for the weekend!

We spent our weekend relaxing, resting, hot tubbing, water sliding, eating yummy food, watching Steph, Shaun and Shane "fight", playing cards, watching some tv which we don't do at home, and just spending time together. It was nice!

Here are some fun pictures of our weekend to enjoy!


The first ones to arrive!


Can you feel the love?!


I think our smiles make us look like siblings...


Down for a morning swim!


Steph and I displaying our pedicured feet, as Shaun attempts to eat them!





My handsome husband and myself


The ladies of the evening


The gentlemen of the night


The fam celebrating belated birthdays at Joeys!


One last meal together to end the hotel family weekend!

Until next year!

Wounded me with love?

Some of you may be familiar with the concept of God wounding us with love. I've heard it in some worship songs over the years and must admit, I haven't understood the concept very clearly.

To me, it is similar to the story of the Shullamite in Song of Solomon, when the Lord's manifest presence is withdrawn from her experience for a time, which only leads her to long for more of Him and causes her to arise and run after Him.

Or how about the verse in Hosea 6:1, "Come, let us return to the Lord; For He has torn, but He will heal us, He has stricken, but He will bind us up". Who is this God who tears? Who strickens? Who wounds me but promises to heal me?

I have had some understanding on this topic over the last few days.

Things haven't been easy for me in the last few months.

Back in August, I experienced the Lord in a profound way, from what I can remember, while meditating on Him on my bed one morning or afternoon. It is now stuck in my heart memory as the place that I want to abide in all the time.

For whatever reason, soon after, it felt as though He took a step backward. That suddenly, I couldn't find Him quite so near, yet all the time knowing He wasn't too far away. I know that He'll never leave me, but I know He sometimes withdraws His tangible presence to cause me to recognize my longing and hunger and give up the lesser things to pursue Him for more!

I feel like He's wounded me. With love. Sounds strange, but it's exactly how I feel. He allowed me to experience Him in a deeper way and now I'm left wanting when I'm not living that encounter out regularly.

I pray for dreams, encounters and visitations regularly. I want to see the Lord. I want to experience the things of the Spirit while on this earth. But sometimes I think to myself, if I had a throne room experience, would I be truly ruined forever?

I suppose I would ache to return to that place. I assume I would long with a depth that I haven't experienced quite that deep to have the reality of God with man forever, and now please =)

So, I'm getting some clarity. It hasn't been easy, but I know it's to draw me deeper and closer to Him in love. It's recognizing the depth of communion that I want to abide in all the time. It's not about striving for it, but about running abandon after it. Wanting all things that create roadblocks to be set aside. To purse the One thing that I know is the only thing I really need.

In the Working World

A few more hours until......HOLIDAY TIME!

I'm getting ready for my last shift before holidays =) After today's shift, I'm off for 12 days technically. I say technically, because I actually go back the evening of my eleventh day off, but because it's a 12 hour night they consider it the 12th day. Whatever!

So, depending how you look at it, I'm off for the next 12 days or I'm off for the next 18 out of 20 days or I'm only working 4 more shifts in February! All good ways to look at the month ahead!

Yesterday was a little stressful for me at work. We just started doing part of our patient chart in an electronic way. So, we are all trying to learn how to look at orders, see what meds are due and how to sign for them, without using paper!

Yesterday was my first day working since we went "live" with the program. I sure was hoping NOT to be on the unit that I am the least familiar with, 3B.

It started off ok, as I was assigned to L & D for the first 8 hours of my shift. The last 3 of those hours were quite stressful and sometimes I wish I could magically take the pain away for women =) Then, what did I hope for? Not going to 3B on my first computer day?

Off to 3B for the last 4 hours of my shift. But, I guess God rearranged it so that going to 3B didn't sound so scary because it was actually a break from the situation I was trying to manage back on L & D. It was nice to know that I may be busy on 3B, but the emergent nature of L & D wouldn't be following me for the last 4 hours =) It was busy and a little frightening to learn the computer stuff, but I totally survived and it was fine! Another day on 3B under my belt will only help me feel more comfortable there!

Now if only one of these days I'd actually be able to work with my friend Christina already! That was the motivation to float to 3B =)

Off to work I go! And then it's time to relax and party!

Loving a new month!

It's funny. I don't mind the month of January. It was a fine month. But, I was ready to throw a party when the end came. I'm not sure why but I was so happy to move on to a new month!

February is here and there are a bunch of things I'm enjoying and looking forward to!

Sanctuary is presently in the midst of a 7-day corporate fast. I must say, after regularly fasting for the past almost 4 years, I still don't like it much to be honest. I ask the Lord that He would cause me to love fasting =) But, it is fun to take an extended time as a corporate bunch and do it together! I'm excited to see what the Lord will do in us, through us and what He will speak to us!

At 7:55pm on Friday I begin my holidays! I had to finish up my holidays before the end of March, so I decided to pick the weekend that has the most fun stuff (Feb 13-15). I'm off for 12 days! We're not going anywhere but it's getting packed full already of stuff around Winnipeg and Steinbach.

On Saturday, I'm so pumped to be going on a double date with a good friend of mine! Shane and I don't do a lot of couple-things, as many of our friends around Sanctuary are still single. I'm pumped to hang out with this couple and meet my friend's man =)

Then it's time to party! Next week, I'm going to a baby shower, celebrating my sister's birthday two different days, having a sleepover with my dear mother to celebrate her birthday, having 2 friend dates and celebrating Valentine's day with my hubbie! It's going to be fun!

I'm also pumped about our family tradition. We are off to a hotel for a weekend with my mom and siblings later on in the month! I've been in the mood for a hotel weekend for a few months already!

These are some of the special things happening in February, amongst some other more regular things, that I'm exciting about! I think all these fun things all squished into one month makes for a pricey, but very fun-filled month to come!

The Things I Like

- days off with my husband
- warm baths
- free food
- fruit
- pretty flowers
- family time
- window shopping
- celebrating
- voice lessons
- reading
- the smell of fresh laundry
- snuggling
- hugs
- praying
- singing
- connecting

This is sounding pretty lame but it's nice to make lists about positive things sometimes! And...I know there's a specific lurker with a beautiful belly and curly hair that is checking each day for a new update! I had to get something out!

The Latest...3B

Things got better after my sad post on Monday. My sister came by to give me a hug and my husband is so supportive with his ever-listening ear. What topped it off was my mom's extravagant action of love. She drove all the way from Steinbach....just to give me a hug because I was having a rough day! She stayed a bit and then drove all the way back. That over-the-top gesture touched the spot that needed it!

On a different note, I am now officially orientated to 3B (gynecology and antepartum). I am a float that covers the entire 3rd floor of St.Boniface Hospital, minus the NICU (which doesn't interest me much).

Last Sunday, I was coming on to my last shift before 2 orientation shifts. I had been pleasantly surprised that the supervisors were actually respecting the fact that I wasn't orientated to 3B yet, and not pulling me there. Well, that had to come to a stop, I suppose. The last day before my final days of orientation, they pulled me there as a regular staff member for the day. It was myself and another nurse on the floor! Yikes! But thankfully it was a slow day and I managed just fine, just a little slowly!

Thursday and Friday this week, I finished up my buddy shifts on the ward. I still have much to learn, but I think it will be ok. I hope it will be ok =)

At 3:30pm on Friday my orientation ended, and at 3:31pm I became the real deal. They needed staff so being a float that now goes to the 3B (among very few), I was to spend the evening on 3B as the real deal. Funny how one minute makes the difference in so many things. Strange.

But the evening went really well! It was actually a nice change to have patients that were a package deal all by themselves! I'm used to a package deal of a mom and baby, which has its own feeding, emotional and sleep-deprived challenges. On 3B, what you see is what you get! And they come on their own (but may have a forming baby inside).

By the time I left Friday evening, I was flying high. I think that had something to do with the ice cap Steph brought me for supper =) But honestly, I enjoyed my evening! I enjoyed caring for women who are in difficult places in life, praying for comfort and healing silently as I care for them, and trying to bring joy and peace where anxiety, worry and grief abound.

If I can kick the fear and anxiety that comes with working in a new place with new types of issues and medications, I'm really going to enjoy this new area. I will only be a better nurse with more experience and knowledge under my belt! And the great thing is that I'm still floating, so I get a little of everything! I sure wouldn't want to give up caring for laboring moms! I like that part the best!

I'm sad.

Yep. Today I'm sad. I'm discouraged about my wrist that continues to have pain and limitations.

I went to the doc's today to keep an ongoing paper trail of my wrist issues. I know that there isn't anything to do about it, but report it.

The poor doc wishes he could do more for me. I think it discourages him too.

Part way through our conversation when surgeons and fusions entered the conversation (not that I need one), I just suddenly couldn't hold the tears back. I disclaimered that I was about to cry before I did. Poor doc as he apologized for not having kleenex and said "Oh no...don't do this to me" =)

Some days discouragement is so hard to fight, as I know many of you that read this understand in your own ways and with your own struggles.

I just wish that I wasn't limited by pain and fear of pain. I also want zero to do with self-pity. I don't want my wrist to tell me what I can and can't do in life, with my job, my hobbies, or my future.

I don't like not knowing what the future holds, but apparently that's the way I'm living my life in a number of areas. Some days it stresses me out more than others. I guess I wish I had more control.

Someone better is in control. "Father God is neither care-less or cause-less with how He spend our lives" (Anonymous by Alicia Britt Chole).

I must cling to the fact that He is in control, not my wrist, not the pain, not my limitations. He alone is sovereign over my life and not once has He dropped the baton of my life. There are no "oops"es for the God of the Universe.

"To our God, this course - call it transition, further studies, unexpected illness, financial crisis, grief or a desert - is as full of potential as any course ever has been and any course ever will be" (Anonymous). Amen to that!

Happy New Year!

I love the beginning of a new year! I love the end of things and the beginning of new things! I'm all about closure for the past and celebrating the present and what is to come!

At the end of each year I do a journal entry of all the good, firsts, bad and eventful things of the year. It is quite a fun list to read over! Here are a few examples!

- Attended my first union meeting
- Rekindled a friendship with a friend from elementary school
- Started and completed my second back-to-work program
- Went away for the night with my husband, somewhere hotel/resort-like, for the first time since our honeymoon in 2004
- Attended 1 wedding
- Found out that I'm not lactose intolerant
- Attended speech therapy lessons for the first time
- Delivered a total of 4 babies (including our friend's baby, Caitlin)
- Got a gym pass
- Bought my first pair of heels

And now that 2008 is over, I'm looking forward to 2009!

I also do a journal entry, because I love making lists, of the hopes and dreams I have for 2009. I try to think of dreams in the natural, spiritual, in my marriage, in my emotions, etc. I like re-envisioning for the new year!

Bring on 2009!
Happy New Year!

Kristi's Christmas Story

Here's my story of Christmas morning that I promised I would blog about.

I worked an 8 hour night shift from 11:30pm on Christmas Eve until the morning of Christmas Day. My shift was supposed to end at 7:45am but I didn't end up getting out of the hospital until 9:10am.

This is why.

The shift was going pretty well. I had a nice recovery room assignment when I came on. There was a little lull after I transferred my patient, which was nice. I was hoping that it would stay that way =) Then I got a laboring patient.

I anticipated a quick delivery, but it came quicker than I expected when that baby was finally ready to come. I found myself quickly delivering that baby on my own, with just the mom and myself in the room and when I had the baby in my right hand, crying and safe, I pulled the emergency call bell with my left to notify my fellow nurses that I was in need of some assistance!

In the midst of the excitement of delivery, I got soaked....and I mean SOAKED...with amniotic fluid. It got in my right eye, on my glasses, my face, in my mouth and all over my clothes. Yucky!

Needless to say, I spent the next few hours in Emergency on Christmas morning. I had to get paperwork and blood drawn because of being exposed in a big way to body fluids from a patient. By 8:00am I was getting frustrated in Emerg just waiting for the confusion of what needed to be done to get sorted out. So, I went upstairs back to the ward to get it figured out myself.

In the frustration of something that should have taken minutes instead taking hours of my time on Christmas morning when my husband was waiting for me to open presents and I wanted to get to bed at a decent hour....I cried. Out of frustration.

It ended up being fine! I got home somewhere around 9:30am and immediately showered, before letting Shane greet me with kiss. I needed to wash off any remaining amniotic fluid! Then we opened presents, called the family and ate cinnamon buns for breakfast. It was nice!

I got to bed later than I'd hoped but still got a good sleep before waking up to spend the evening with my husband and siblings!

Yikes...Merry Christmas to me! That was quite the present!

Christmas Festivities!

Here's a quick play by play of our Christmas festivities this month!

#1 - December 13 started out our gatherings with Christmas at my mom's! It was fun, relaxing and such a lovely time with my mom, hubbie and siblings!


Blindfolding mom and escorting her to her gift!


The fabulous four!


My beautiful family!

#2 - December 24, in between night shifts, we had Christmas Eve with Shane's family!


Our beautiful niece, Raign, who is the life of the party and just turned one!


Shane opening his big present of the year!


Yeah! A playstation 3 much to his delight! A gift from multiple family members!



When we got home at 10:15pm on Christmas Eve, Shane "let" me open one of my Christmas presents before heading to work for the night!



My handsome husband and I on Christmas Eve!



#3 - Christmas Day morning with my hubbie and Christmas Day Supper with my siblings! Christmas morning was a story in itself that will have to be a blog entry unto its own soon!



Since dating and marrying Shane, stockings have become a part of Christmas time for me! I like them!




Then came Christmas Day supper with the fabulous four! Complete with a great supper, gift exchange and Elf for the second time this season!



Steph was pretty excited about our matching sister pjs!


Shaun's "ugly hat like Stephanie's" that he requested!


Our matching pjs!



Off to another night shift! Had to miss the Christmas sleepover...too bad!

#4 - Christmas at Dad's with my hubbie, siblings, dad and Rose (dad's girlfriend).


A silly picture!


Dad and Rose



Being silly with the sibs! How can you tell physical touch is one of the top love languages of all three of us?



#5 - Christmas with the Doerksens (mom's side of the extended family) was today. My mom is one of 9 kids and those are fun gatherings with so many of us! We got to go skating, much to my hubbie's delight!

#6 - Christmas with Shane's extended family is for lunch tomorrow!

#7 - Christmas with the Reimers (dad's side of the extended family) is for supper tomorrow. I am heading to the gathering on behalf of Shane and I, and Shane is holding the fort at Sanctuary on our behalf!

#8 - New Year's Gathering with the Giesbrechts (my mom's mom's side of the extended, extended family) is on New Year's Day. We will be skipping this one, as you can see, we have too many gatherings!

We are done 5 and have 2 more tomorrow! This time of the year is nuts! And on top of these gatherings, I worked 6 out of 8 nights in the last week! Crazy!

I am so thankful that I have so much family to love and enjoy! I love my family!

Working the Week Away...

Merry Christmas to all very soon!

So, we've arrived at the Christmas week for 2008. I'm working a ton this week and have a ton of gatherings to boot, making this week a little insane in our home this year.

The best thing about working Christmas is knowing that I'm off next year!

I finished three 12-hour nights Sunday morning. It was a nice weekend with enjoyable shifts and a beautiful birth an hour before home time that finished off the weekend well.

I've been pretty tired in the last 48 hours since getting off work. I've been sleeping a lot! I think my body knew what I needed more than my brain did!

So, tonight, I'm back at it. I work a 12 hour night tonight (23rd to 24th), sleep all day tomorrow and head over to Shane's parents for Christmas Eve in the evening. Then off to work for an 8 hour night (woo! hoo! only 8 hours!) from the 24th to the 25th. Shane and I will have a little celebration when I get home the morning of the 25th. Off to sleep I go, to awake to Christmas dinner with Shane and my siblings. Then back to work I go for one more 8 hour night from the 25th to the 26th. Again, I will sleep part of the day on the 26th before heading to my dad's for our gathering.

I also have extended family gatherings on the 27th and the 28th! Whew! Then the gatherings are over for us, as we are missing another one on the 28th and one on the 1st!

If I can make it through this week, I'll be smooth sailing! Knowing that half of my night shifts are over for the week, makes the last half seem like it's going to be alright! Especially since 2 of the 3 are 8 hour shifts instead of 12! That is such a blessing over Christmas, or I wouldn't have made hardly any gatherings over Christmas!

Thankfully, there has been a ton of grace in the area of work. It has greatly helped that God gave me the heads up back in the summer and fall that the next season of my life would be intense in the work arena. So, in this season of my life, I'm clinging to Haggai 2:4 "'Yet now be strong, Kristi, and work for I am with you' says the Lord of hosts".

With great delight and relief, I can report that I have quite an increased amount of joy and peace when I'm working! I have been enjoying my job and there has been so much grace from the Lord for me to meet Him and rest in Him in the midst of working insane hours, getting minimal relaxing time and specific "God time" during my stretches on and pouring myself out for others that need me in the hospital. He is so faithful to meet us in each season, whether they are easy or hard, enjoyable or difficult.

That being said, Merry Christmas to you all! If you think of me this week, I'd totally appreciate a prayer for increased joy and grace during a pretty insane week, when I'd prefer to be at home with friends and family over the holidays!

Girl's Day!

We had our annual Christmas Girls Day on Monday at Pine Ridge Hollow! It is a fun time of year! We've gone to Pine Ridge Hollow for the last 5 Christmases to celebrate!

I've spent many of these past years in the same dress =) So, after last year's visit to Pine Ridge, I decided that next year I would need something new to wear. So I got a new dress this year! And my first pair of heels...which are difficult to walk on!



3 out of 5 years one of the gals has been pregnant! We've made it a tradition to take a shot of the prego of the group! It's Shauna's turn this year! She's such a cute prego!


The rest of the pics are ones of my beautiful girlfriends from many different areas of my life!






And my favorite...


Merry Christmas!

God's Pleasure

I am continuing in my pursuit to know the heart of God as my Father. In the process, I have listened to more teachings in the series I mentioned last post, by Billy Humphrey from IHOP-Atlanta. So good!

This morning's teaching led me to meditate on Psalm 16:3 "As for the saints who are on the earth, "They are my excellent ones, in whom is all my delight". "

It is absolutely incredible that all of the Father's delight in wrapped up in humans! I delight the heart of God! I move His emotions and when I say yes, turn my face to Him and my heart moves towards His, He is utterly moved with emotion.

We are so limited in our experience of pure pleasure. In general, the word pleasure brings illegitimate and sinful experiences to mind more than true, pure pleasures that we have experienced.

But, the truth is that in His presence is fullness of joy and at His right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11). God is the creator of pleasure! He experiences pleasure and delights when we do too!

The God who is love wants to be loved in return. And, even more, when we give love to the Father, He experiences pleasure! His heart experiences pure delight from the love that we give Him!

What's more, the pleasure He feels must be incredible! It is out of this world. We have so many hindrances here on earth to experiencing the fullness of His pleasure. He doesn't have any of these barriers, but experiences the fullest, purest form of pleasure there ever could be....simply when I whisper that I love Him!

The revelation of His desire, pleasure and delight in me causes me to want to love Him more. When I think of Him as angry, detached, or stoic in nature, I want to run the other way and instead give Him my love in a way that consistently first disclaimers my sin and weakness before approaching Him. No way! We are supposed to approach the throne with boldness!

I want to draw nearer and nearer when I know that the Father I love is a glad, delighted, desiring, pleased Father. There is nothing that I have to do to gain His approval. I already have it! I already bring Him pleasure! That makes me want to whisper I love you more frequently throughout my day, knowing that it both brings me and my Father pleasure!

We move His heart!

Ahhh....

I have a very peaceful home this afternoon. It is lovely...

As I type, my under-the-weather hubbie is resting on the couch, the lights are shining from the Christmas tree, it is peacefully quiet in our apartment, supper is smelling great from the slow cooker and my heart is growing in love.

I'm still in my pjs which is exactly the kind of day I needed.

I had a great time listening to a teaching on the Father Heart of God by Billy Humphreys this afternoon. The Lord is highlighting the topic of His heart as my Father to me and it's been tough but good these last few weeks. I think this is a pivotal time period for my heart and for my history in God.

I've been really tired lately and having a hard time getting out of bed in the mornings. I keep sleeping past my alarm these days. It could be a combo of things...shift work, late nights, coming off the Global Bridegroom Fast, etc.

But, it has revealed to me that I really need to learn to rest in God. Whether I have times of rest in my schedule or it's busy, I want to rest on the inside. I have felt busy on the inside lately. It doesn't matter what's required of me in this season with my time. I want to rest in the Lord and trust in Him, silencing the clutter in my head and heart. Today was good for this. Listening, praying, reading and resting were exactly what I needed.

Tomorrow begins my work week bright and early. I'm working 12 hour days Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This means I'm missing a lot of Sanctuary things this weekend, which is too bad, but that just the way it is right now. Some day things will be different. I just want to be faithful in each season, faithfully tending to the things that God has put on my plate for the time being.

It's been to feel like Christmas!

This past week, Christmas has begun to bloom in my schedule. It all started Monday with a date with my sister to find a Christmas dress and start making our lists =) Then, Tuesday was our annual Baking Day with my mom and sister. We baked for 7 hours start to finish! We were pooped by the end! It is such a nice tradition with my favorite ladies!









Yesterday was our 9th annual Farrow Christmas Party! When this tradition started, it didn't have the name Farrow attached to it =) I love hosting a party and enjoying friends from different areas of my life! My favorite part is the opening of the regifts. We bring something from around our homes that we don't want anymore. It is fun to see what people bring!












Merry Christmas...in November!

A update on my wrist...

Sadly, my wrist has been snapping, clunking and hurting more since the end of September/beginning of October. I hated the idea of making an appointment with the sports medicine doc again, who had let me go when he gave me the paper of freedom back in August (to get fully back to work).

I finally made an appointment and waited a few weeks to get in to see him. That was yesterday.

I assumed he would look at me funny, hear my complaint and send me out the door. I prefaced the start of the appointment that I was just there to cover my butt and leave a paper trail if anything should happen in the future.

He felt the snap. Then I did the movement that generally accompanies the clunking. It didn't do it. He started to move my wrist around and it went "clunk, clunk, clunk" every time he moved it! I was so grossed out!

Off I went to x-ray pronto!

Within 5 minutes I was seeing my wrist on the wall in the form of a completed x-ray. It was so fast yesterday!

This is the scoop. There is a bit of a separation between two of the bones in my wrist. He is concerned if the space widens. I have to return in 2-3 months for another x-ray to check that out.

If the clunking increases or has increased pain accompanying it, I gotta get myself in sooner to see him. He wants to wait and see what will happen in the next few months. He "didn't want to press the panic button too quickly". I agreed but hearing that concerns me!

I just don't want to start all over again with all this wrist stuff. It's been such a long haul and I want it to be over already.

Please continue to pray for full healing for my wrist!

There can't be a plan B

This coming January marks the 3 year mark for Shane and I in our journey as intercessory missionaries. This means Shane has worked from the 4 walls of our apartment for the last 34 months, thinning out the carpet on our floor from countless hours of pacing, praying, reading and studying. His hands may not get wounds or cuts from his occupation, as some do, but his knees and heart have the marks to prove his hard work.

Many people think we're crazy. Sometimes I'm tempted to believe the same.

In the 3 years of living out this lifestyle, we had a number of times where we thought, "We could have both worked for a salary that pays well and be way further ahead in the definition of success according to the world". We did the math one time and figured out if we had both worked the first year I was done nursing, we could have paid off all our debt with one of our income and lived off the other within the first year.

A few months later, God blew us away. Yes, we could have done the logical and ignored the call we heard Him call us to and worked off all that debt. But in the big picture of eternity, it was far more wise to obey the risky call that He gave to us. In the end, He had our debt covered anyways, and He knew that from the beginning! The generous giving of other lovers of God provided the incredible $25,000 to cover ALL of our debt last fall.

So, we just can't have a plan B. It is hard not to start thinking that way sometimes. "Well, if God doesn't actually provide for what He's called us to in plan A, let's make our own plan B. Plan B could be letting go of what He's called us to and doing what normal people do to make ends meet. Yes, let's keep that card in the back pocket, just in case we need to use it.".

No! We can't have a plan B. Plan A is following whatever He leads us in. Plan B is following whatever He leads us in. I want a big YES written across my heart that doesn't have fear, doubt and self-sufficiency attached to it. I am foolish to think that I could provide for myself better than God could. I'm not the source. He is the source.

God knows all my needs and all my wants. He cares about the little details. He knows our desires for a home and a family one day. He knows the exact dollar amount that we would need to do work in the prayer movement full-time as a family unit. He knows and He cares! Actually, it was His plan!

All this processing to say, I just want to say yes, again and again, over and over. No matter how bright or dark the next step looks. No matter who points fingers or laughs at us. No matter how foolish we look or what people think or say. No matter how many dollars are in our bank account or coming in through our supporters.

It doesn't matter in the end. My heart growing in love and saying yes to the safest Savior is what truly matters!

Off to Steinbach I go...

First it's supper at mom's! I love being able to invite myself over to my dear mother's when it works out! Steph and I get to enjoy some time with mom, Amanda and Shaun! It should be nice!

Then, it's girls day! This time we are meeting at one of the gal's house in Steinbach. It will be our first time at her new place! I'm excited as 7 of the 10 ladies will be there and I'm looking forward to seeing a growing belly in our midst! So exciting! Girls day is usually encouraging and refreshing!

So, after a day of errands, Sanctuary devotionals and the gym, I'm off to the home country =)

A few rough days and a few good ones ahead...

I worked two 12-hour days the last two days and it was a little rough. I had some heart-wrenching experiences and some sad moments. I know I'm there for a reason as I think I heard the Lord say "I have you there for a reason" when I was using a 30 second prayer time to cry out to Him in the bathroom at work. Without giving details, it was a sad time at work and life issues are on my heart.

I got my Christmas hours the other day too and it's going to be a crazy Christmas week around our place! I have to work nights on the 19, 20, 21, 24, 25, 26! I told my boss that that was killer and so he was willing to make the 25th and 26th nights 8-hours instead of 12 so that helps! I knew that I was due to work Christmas, but six 12-hour nights in 8 days is killer. Oh well...next year should be better =)

I'm pleased now to have my stretch of 6 off! Woo! Hoo! I'm up early on a Saturday after working in order to make some pies for today's belated Thanksgiving gathering. It is over a month ago that we had Thanksgiving but today we are celebrating with Shane's family! Then we're going to try to get to the Santa Clause Parade and I hope that the weather is nice and the snowflakes are falling tonight =)

Tomorrow I'm leading a set at Sanctuary. It has been a really long time since I've done that and even when I did, I didn't do that many. So, needless to say, I'm nervous and insecure and hoping it goes well. Yikes!

That's the latest!

I'm done!

What am I done? Speech therapy! I waited from October 2007 to July 2008 for my referral to speech therapy. My voice was hurting more than usual last fall and so I got the ball rolling to get my talking and singing voice checked out. It was a long wait!

In the meantime, I started taking voice lessons and that really helped! I had the pleasure of taking voice from January to June this year. I'm presently waiting to hear from my voice teacher who had a baby this fall, as to when she wants to teach a few of us again. I'm super excited to get learning and improving again!

So, a few months ago, I had a speech assessment and have had a number of speech therapy sessions since, complete with homework to do at home in between sessions. It is hard to feel like there has been any progress to be honest. I don't always see the correlation between the exercises I'm supposed to do and any improvement in my voice.

But, alas, there has been!

Today I went for my final session, a post-therapy assessment! And sure enough, there is some improvement in the area that caused me the most frustration! I felt like my speaking voice was low, which is fine, but often at the end of phrases, my voice just bottoms out and hurts. The end of my sentences can resemble a growl or crack to my own ears on a bad day.

Apparently I'm very self-aware =) And heightened on the self-analytical side, which my grade 8 teacher used to say. So, I can pinpoint things that don't feel right that others wouldn't notice by just listening to me talk.

So, for the improvement.....my talking voice for both conversation and reading has increased by 20 Hertz! When it was at the low end of female ranges in July, now it is very average to a little higher! That's awesome for my problem with bottoming out at the end of sentences. Now, if the natural fluctuation in range happens, I'm starting from a higher point so that the bottom isn't causing me the same pain!

I didn't think it was possible to change the range that I speak at, but apparently there has been improvement! Yeah!

I do still have slightly painful and more cracky voice days. I'm doing well though and especially with how much I have to talk on my 12 hour shifts, I'm in good shape! Woo! Hoo!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

And I like that! I'm enjoying the snow, even though it has made for some interesting driving and scraping to and from my 12 hour shifts this weekend. It feels like Christmas when that white stuff is on the ground! I like it!

I worked the last 3 days. It was my first Sunday day shift since February 2007. I managed to switch things around or take vacation since August which avoided my Sunday day shift. Now, I've entered back into the season where I have to miss Sanctuary once a month for work reasons. It's kinda a bummer.

But yesterday afternoon and evening as I was working, I would periodically look at the clock and remember SHOP was going on at another location in the same city. I knew who was on stage, what they were singing about in general (intercession or WWW) and knew that they were "standing on the wall" in a obvious and corporate way while I was standing on the wall in my own way in the marketplace at the very same time. I had enough time between patients to remember, add my "I love you Jesus" and continue what I was doing. But it stirred my heart.

Now I get 3 days off! I slept in this morning, as SHOP was canceled because some of our peeps for Mondays are holidaying it in KC, as we did last month! I slept 12 hours! I guess I needed some rest after the last 3 days!

I'm excited for the day. I'm excited to spend time with my husband! We always feel a deep need for quality time after I'm gone for those day or night shifts! I'm excited to hit the gym with Steph and Shane this afternoon and try a class with Steph in the pool! Here we come Aquafit!

It's going to be a good day!